100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 130,774

The Epic Battle of Good Vs. Evil & 20 Month Sparkaversary...

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

When there were 49 days left in the year, I decided I would classify each day as good or bad based on my eating... I am now thinking I should rename the bad days evil days, just because it sounds more adorable! I also went ahead and marked 7, YES 7 "free days". This included Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and 2 of my 7 days in Vegas. I hoped that by feeling like I had a lot of "freedom" coming up that I would really push it to work harder on the other days. Well... it hasn't quite started off like I hoped. My only goal was to have more good days than bad at the end of the year. It sounded simple enough... I originally wanted a streak, but I have been struggling lately so that sounded too overwhelming.

Here's a recap so far:

Day 1: emoticon
Day 2: emoticon
Day 3: emoticon
Day 4: emoticon
Day 5: emoticon
Day 6: emoticon
Day 7: emoticon

As you can see, it's neck and neck with evil slightly in the lead! Still plenty of time to turn it around. My biggest obstacle at the moment is not letting the most recent evil day turn into a cluster. If I can have one evil day for every 3 good days, I will hit my goal with flying colors. My goal is to have the evil days be just one at a time, and to get farther and farther apart. I am learning that there is always going to be bumps in the road, but they can be fewer and farther between.

Day 7 was just awful, in every sense of the word. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong! emoticon As I was telling my Dad about some of it, he sarcastically said "Yep, I get it, the world is out to get you" and I very seriously responded "Yes, you finally understand!" That is how it felt today. I have no excuses for reacting by eating... everyone has bad days, and most people don't need to turn to food just because they have had a stressful day. I am an emotional/stress eater and it is an on going thing I deal with. Sometimes I have it under control, and sometimes I lose to it, this was obviously a battle I lost. But all I can do is learn from it and move forward. Maybe I need to take my learning a little more seriously though LOL. ;)

I also looked into my records, and this is a rough time of year for me (as it is for MANY). I lost no weight last year from Halloween through the end of January. I maintained within a 5 pound range. I started losing again in February but hit another bump in the road in April. It amazes me how much time on this journey I have spent struggling, it doesn't feel like that long. I guess I have blocked out some of the bad times, and there were also a lot of good times to compensate for those bad ones. At the time I remember feeling like a failure, maintaining within 5 pounds instead of losing. I remember being frustrated and upset with myself... but now that I have a little perspective, I think that's pretty darn good. To maintain within a 5 pound range during the holidays and to never give up and to continue to push towards my goals. Now don't get it twisted, I am not saying that so if I maintain through the holidays this year I can say "oh that's okay"... I am really making an effort to lose during the holidays, but at least I know this is my weakest time of year, and I am realizing it is going to take even more work than it usually does. EEK!

emoticon So I am that totally obnoxious girl who keeps referencing how long I've been on my weight loss journey. emoticon It is not to be like "oh look at me, this is how long I've been doing this!" It's to remind me that this journey is different than all my previous weight loss attempts, and to see how long I have been doing this without giving up. I have had TONS of previous weight loss attempts, and none lasted more than 3 months. I have actually been on Spark People off and on since 2009, but it has been 20 consistent months on this journey and logging into Spark almost everyday. Each time I feel like throwing in the towel, I have to remind myself how long and how hard I've been working.I don't want to throw away all that time and work just because "I don't feel like it". So that is a huge NSV for me, to still be here and still fighting for what I want.. and boy has it been a fight lately! emoticon My other NSV was taking a picture of myself and actually liking it and choosing to post it as my profile picture. I remember the day of taking 29 pictures and not liking any of them. I would either not post any at all or I would find the one that wasn't "as bad" as the other. It was such a fresh breath of air to look at a picture I just took and not cringe at the results! So even though I have been having a rough time with my eating, and I am struggling, I can still say I am feeling pretty happy lately and life is pretty good! It's good to be reminded that our happiness should not be linked to our weight or that horrible scale!

I hope everyone has a fabulous day! And here's to making Day 8 a good day! emoticon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We all can relate to you and what struggling is all about. You reflect our own travels and bumps and also our desire to do better, be better, feel better about ourselves.

    One thing I've been considering which you've referred to in your blog a couple of times is the concept of Struggle. Now, I am not saying that it is easy. But, what is it that makes it such a struggle for us? What are we battling? Why is it this is so difficult at times?

    I've come to some conclusions. 1)We make it difficult! We love being victorious! How can we be victorious if we have not won a battle? 2)We need to feel like this is worth our effort. There is no effort in having things be easy is there? 3)We make it much bigger than it really is so we justify complete focus on ourselves and most of the time excluding others I'm sorry to say. This of course seems to balance out feeling we have been neglected.

    Yes, I believe that there is a much more easier way. A much more peaceful way. A way that doesn't tax us so, doesn't stress us out and doesn't reflect guilt and fear.

    Since the idea behind lifestyle vs diet is so essential for the long run, I am reflecting on making my journey as a day in day out doing my best for my health and fitness.

    I think you have truly achieved much in your progress on your path. I will continue supporting you as long as you like.


    1580 days ago
    The most important thing is that you have determination and perseverance. You are still here. You are awesome!
    1580 days ago
    emoticon blog, I'm having the same problem right now. We can emoticon each other on. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1580 days ago
    1580 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Another awesome blog! I love your honesty and your way of putting into words struggles I believe all of us (because let's face it - if we are here on SparkPeople reading your blog we DO have weight issues) have experienced and may be experiencing right now.

    When I was younger I took it as a given that I would gain 10 pounds between Halloween and New Years. So EVERY January saw me on a new diet. But the older I got the harder it became to SHED those 10 pounds - that is how I ended up at 192 in April of 2008.

    I'm SO HAPPY you are smarter than me and are dealing with this issue NOW! I'm with you - staying within a 5 pound range (especially given how LONG you have been on this journey) is AWESOME!! And even MORE awesome? It is that you NEVER GIVE UP!! And you know what the Babe said: "Its hard to beat a person who never gives up!"

    You WILL win this battle - I have NO doubt of it!! So here is to YOU having lots more of these emoticon days!! emoticon

    ps - LOVE the new profile and even MORE that it makes YOU happy!!
    1580 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/20/2013 9:32:26 AM
  • PGHP31CK
    You can do it!!! I'm cheering you on!
    1580 days ago
    emoticon blog!!!! emoticon
    1580 days ago
    It is so good to read a blog that gets down to the "nitty gritty" and tells it like it is. Our stories are so much alike. I started Spark in 2009, have lost 80 pounds and have been struggling this whole year. Right now I have been staying on track for a week and one day at a time will continue. I look back to the days when I was maintaining within 5 pounds and see how good I had it. I gained 10 pounds over the last few months and am now working to lose again. I will think of you as I continue my journey. We'll both make it if we don't give up!

    1580 days ago
    Here's to many more of these emoticon emoticon kind of days, Steph!
    1580 days ago
    I think committing to a fitness routine is the only way I am going to survive the holidays. emoticon
    1580 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1580 days ago
    " I am learning that there is always going to be bumps in the road, but they can be fewer and farther between."

    This is SO true!!

    Brush yesterday off and do today the best way you can! Make your tomorrow self proud. You've got this!
    1580 days ago
    Sometimes the step needs to be outside of a workout. Have you considered counselling to get to the roots of your emotional eating? Just a thought.

    1580 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1580 days ago
    Great blog Steph. Try the whole mantra

    I don't want that ( Instead of I can't have that )

    You are a winner no matter what. You CAN have another godd day, or two, or three..

    1580 days ago
  • ELSAT137
    Another great blog, Steph. I understand your struggles. This time of year is my hardest time of year too. It is such a battle! But you have made awesome progress and don't give up!!
    1580 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    When you start stringing the good days together you'll feel better it creates momentum either way! I hope you can look forward to your free days as a pressure relief when the evil foods call your name!
    1580 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    1580 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment
    Member Comments Page (119 total):  < Previous 1 2 3

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.