The Epic Battle of Good Vs. Evil & 20 Month Sparkaversary...
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
When there were 49 days left in the year, I decided I would classify each day as good or bad based on my eating... I am now thinking I should rename the bad days evil days, just because it sounds more adorable! I also went ahead and marked 7, YES 7 "free days". This included Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and 2 of my 7 days in Vegas. I hoped that by feeling like I had a lot of "freedom" coming up that I would really push it to work harder on the other days. Well... it hasn't quite started off like I hoped. My only goal was to have more good days than bad at the end of the year. It sounded simple enough... I originally wanted a streak, but I have been struggling lately so that sounded too overwhelming.
Here's a recap so far:
As you can see, it's neck and neck with evil slightly in the lead! Still plenty of time to turn it around. My biggest obstacle at the moment is not letting the most recent evil day turn into a cluster. If I can have one evil day for every 3 good days, I will hit my goal with flying colors. My goal is to have the evil days be just one at a time, and to get farther and farther apart. I am learning that there is always going to be bumps in the road, but they can be fewer and farther between.
Day 7 was just awful, in every sense of the word. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong! As I was telling my Dad about some of it, he sarcastically said "Yep, I get it, the world is out to get you" and I very seriously responded "Yes, you finally understand!" That is how it felt today. I have no excuses for reacting by eating... everyone has bad days, and most people don't need to turn to food just because they have had a stressful day. I am an emotional/stress eater and it is an on going thing I deal with. Sometimes I have it under control, and sometimes I lose to it, this was obviously a battle I lost. But all I can do is learn from it and move forward. Maybe I need to take my learning a little more seriously though LOL. ;)
I also looked into my records, and this is a rough time of year for me (as it is for MANY). I lost no weight last year from Halloween through the end of January. I maintained within a 5 pound range. I started losing again in February but hit another bump in the road in April. It amazes me how much time on this journey I have spent struggling, it doesn't feel like that long. I guess I have blocked out some of the bad times, and there were also a lot of good times to compensate for those bad ones. At the time I remember feeling like a failure, maintaining within 5 pounds instead of losing. I remember being frustrated and upset with myself... but now that I have a little perspective, I think that's pretty darn good. To maintain within a 5 pound range during the holidays and to never give up and to continue to push towards my goals. Now don't get it twisted, I am not saying that so if I maintain through the holidays this year I can say "oh that's okay"... I am really making an effort to lose during the holidays, but at least I know this is my weakest time of year, and I am realizing it is going to take even more work than it usually does. EEK!
So I am that totally obnoxious girl who keeps referencing how long I've been on my weight loss journey. It is not to be like "oh look at me, this is how long I've been doing this!" It's to remind me that this journey is different than all my previous weight loss attempts, and to see how long I have been doing this without giving up. I have had TONS of previous weight loss attempts, and none lasted more than 3 months. I have actually been on Spark People off and on since 2009, but it has been 20 consistent months on this journey and logging into Spark almost everyday. Each time I feel like throwing in the towel, I have to remind myself how long and how hard I've been working.I don't want to throw away all that time and work just because "I don't feel like it". So that is a huge NSV for me, to still be here and still fighting for what I want.. and boy has it been a fight lately! My other NSV was taking a picture of myself and actually liking it and choosing to post it as my profile picture. I remember the day of taking 29 pictures and not liking any of them. I would either not post any at all or I would find the one that wasn't "as bad" as the other. It was such a fresh breath of air to look at a picture I just took and not cringe at the results! So even though I have been having a rough time with my eating, and I am struggling, I can still say I am feeling pretty happy lately and life is pretty good! It's good to be reminded that our happiness should not be linked to our weight or that horrible scale!
I hope everyone has a fabulous day! And here's to making Day 8 a good day!
I think you just noticed the pattern: you don't remember exactly what the stressor of the day was but you remember eating over it. As the good days accumulate, you'll forget most of those days, but not the cheering icon. That will show up in the mirror. No matter what is going on, it will pass, and will fade into the distant past far faster than you can imagine. The thin face in the mirror, with added wrinkles, of course, is what lives on. 977 days ago
Awesome, it is wonderful that you share your bad days with the good. Others benefit from knowing they are not alone. I always tell myself, I can wait 5 more minutes, then again if need be. Usually in 5 minutes I am busy doing something else and eating the .....is out of mind. 977 days ago
Here's a thought about getting through the holidays
why not spend a little time today imagining what you would do if you were already at goal. How much would you eat? How often would you workout? What exercises would you do that you don't do now? What foods would you pass on that you think of as treats now?
As vividly as you can imagine her - Imagine you as already at goal. Now - for the next month, pretend you ARE that girl - you ARE there already and live that way for a little while.
I bet - if you fake it till you make it ... you'll already be making it!
Many hugs to you, brave woman.
edited a moment later - here's something I found just one click away:
MONTANAWALKER Another great blog. I hope you lose the feeling of terror going into the holidays and just focus on the friends and family and all the wonderful things of the season, except the food. Play Santa, but don't look like Santa!! 977 days ago
I'm very glad that you are still fighting and still pushing! I know how crappy it feels to have evil days preside over good days, I've had it happen too many times. This week even! But you are wonderful and strong and you will keep pushing on until you feel more in control than out of control. Even if you just maintain this year during holidays, it's better than packing on a ton of weight (which is what I tend to do every single year and why I'm so terrified this year) and you'll be able to start the new year without having to undo a bunch of "oopsies". Always remember that you are beautiful and strong, and tell fat Stephanie to f*ck off because she's not welcome anymore! Remember that you are healthy Stephanie now and YOU are the one calling the shots, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. 978 days ago
Hang in there! This is a tough time of year to try to lose weight and even maintain, but it can happen! Maybe you are being too hard on yourself. Not sure how bad those evil days were, but even if they're not perfect just try to make the best of it. Something that helps me is to try to eat the lower number of calories in my range and if later I am hungry I have some room for more calories. Since the eating has been a struggle lately, maybe try focusing on your fitness minutes goal. Not saying lose track of calories, but if you ate more one day and also walked more it will help. Hoping tomorrow is a good day! 978 days ago
Maintaining within a 5 pound range is FABULOUS during the holidays. You should be proud of yourself for doing that. I have even skinny friends who gain 5-10 pounds during the holidays and then have to work their butts off to get those pounds off. You keep doing what you're doing, and don't let those Evil Days get you down. You're a winner, and you can conquer them. 978 days ago
Sometimes people don't realize that struggles that each of us go through each day. I also struggle with emotional eating and what sucks is the next day you wish you'd have just sucked it up. I wish there was an easier way to stay away from foods when I was feeling down. Some days I feel like I am in the same type of mindset of when I started. I eat because I feel fat, I feel fat because I eat too much. A whole cycle for my depression. I just need to find a way to remember that eating foods that are good for me and not overeating makes me happier. Here's to hoping you have more smiley people than evil ones! 978 days ago
You look amazing in this photo and that says it all! It shows all your work and your progress and we all can understand your struggles, they are the same with ours! Keep up the good work my 978 days ago
I sooo understand, and as you know I have a limited number of days to be "good" before surgery. I know that we are not supposed to think of days as good or bad because it can throw us off our game-- contributing to what I've heard called "Last Supper Syndrome": aka I screwed up, I'll start again tomorrow...
Whereas One meal, snack, bite at a time gives us the opportunity to take a "Uturn" immediately.
And in the most current weight loss book I am reading, Never Say Diet, the author says, "We gain weight through a series of poor choices made on a regular basis over a long period of time." No duh... the whole book is common sense as far as I can tell... I totally love it. I have to change my mind and make better decisions. Being uncomfortable is not the end of the world. Sort of a "Just do it" attitude.
Okay... I'll be waiting for the copyright police to come after me for using the common terms for the various diet books and athletic company slogans. LOL
I wonder if even your "bad" days were not really bad... just imperfect. I doooo loooove the whole good vs evil scenario Muhwahahaha
RUNNERRACHEL Happy Sparkversary! Great job on this journey that may have some struggles but you are not giving up! That is the key to success and you will succeed because you're not giving up. You are almost to your 978 days ago