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    STEPH-KNEE   76,247
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The Epic Battle of Good Vs. Evil & 20 Month Sparkaversary...


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Wednesday, November 20, 2013



When there were 49 days left in the year, I decided I would classify each day as good or bad based on my eating... I am now thinking I should rename the bad days evil days, just because it sounds more adorable! I also went ahead and marked 7, YES 7 "free days". This included Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and 2 of my 7 days in Vegas. I hoped that by feeling like I had a lot of "freedom" coming up that I would really push it to work harder on the other days. Well... it hasn't quite started off like I hoped. My only goal was to have more good days than bad at the end of the year. It sounded simple enough... I originally wanted a streak, but I have been struggling lately so that sounded too overwhelming.

Here's a recap so far:

Day 1: emoticon
Day 2: emoticon
Day 3: emoticon
Day 4: emoticon
Day 5: emoticon
Day 6: emoticon
Day 7: emoticon

As you can see, it's neck and neck with evil slightly in the lead! Still plenty of time to turn it around. My biggest obstacle at the moment is not letting the most recent evil day turn into a cluster. If I can have one evil day for every 3 good days, I will hit my goal with flying colors. My goal is to have the evil days be just one at a time, and to get farther and farther apart. I am learning that there is always going to be bumps in the road, but they can be fewer and farther between.

Day 7 was just awful, in every sense of the word. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong! emoticon As I was telling my Dad about some of it, he sarcastically said "Yep, I get it, the world is out to get you" and I very seriously responded "Yes, you finally understand!" That is how it felt today. I have no excuses for reacting by eating... everyone has bad days, and most people don't need to turn to food just because they have had a stressful day. I am an emotional/stress eater and it is an on going thing I deal with. Sometimes I have it under control, and sometimes I lose to it, this was obviously a battle I lost. But all I can do is learn from it and move forward. Maybe I need to take my learning a little more seriously though LOL. ;)

I also looked into my records, and this is a rough time of year for me (as it is for MANY). I lost no weight last year from Halloween through the end of January. I maintained within a 5 pound range. I started losing again in February but hit another bump in the road in April. It amazes me how much time on this journey I have spent struggling, it doesn't feel like that long. I guess I have blocked out some of the bad times, and there were also a lot of good times to compensate for those bad ones. At the time I remember feeling like a failure, maintaining within 5 pounds instead of losing. I remember being frustrated and upset with myself... but now that I have a little perspective, I think that's pretty darn good. To maintain within a 5 pound range during the holidays and to never give up and to continue to push towards my goals. Now don't get it twisted, I am not saying that so if I maintain through the holidays this year I can say "oh that's okay"... I am really making an effort to lose during the holidays, but at least I know this is my weakest time of year, and I am realizing it is going to take even more work than it usually does. EEK!

emoticon So I am that totally obnoxious girl who keeps referencing how long I've been on my weight loss journey. emoticon It is not to be like "oh look at me, this is how long I've been doing this!" It's to remind me that this journey is different than all my previous weight loss attempts, and to see how long I have been doing this without giving up. I have had TONS of previous weight loss attempts, and none lasted more than 3 months. I have actually been on Spark People off and on since 2009, but it has been 20 consistent months on this journey and logging into Spark almost everyday. Each time I feel like throwing in the towel, I have to remind myself how long and how hard I've been working.I don't want to throw away all that time and work just because "I don't feel like it". So that is a huge NSV for me, to still be here and still fighting for what I want.. and boy has it been a fight lately! emoticon My other NSV was taking a picture of myself and actually liking it and choosing to post it as my profile picture. I remember the day of taking 29 pictures and not liking any of them. I would either not post any at all or I would find the one that wasn't "as bad" as the other. It was such a fresh breath of air to look at a picture I just took and not cringe at the results! So even though I have been having a rough time with my eating, and I am struggling, I can still say I am feeling pretty happy lately and life is pretty good! It's good to be reminded that our happiness should not be linked to our weight or that horrible scale!

I hope everyone has a fabulous day! And here's to making Day 8 a good day! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEPTUNE1939 11/21/2013 11:11AM

    emoticon

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QUAIL75 11/21/2013 11:09AM

    You can do it! This has been my journey as well. We all have our bad/evil days but as you say, you have to keep working. emoticon emoticon

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SHOAPIE 11/21/2013 10:30AM

    emoticon

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JUSGETTENBY42 11/21/2013 10:07AM

    emoticon

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FRAN0426 11/21/2013 10:00AM

    Look at the positive, you did good three times---thats a start. You should feel good about the days you did make the daily goal, emoticon for more good days.

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HAPPYMENOW58 11/21/2013 10:00AM

    You are doing it! Go girl!

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SHARONCAPPS 11/21/2013 9:53AM

  You can do this. Don't give up. Keep taking it one day at a time and you will get there.

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MIMIDOT 11/21/2013 9:51AM

    You're blog hit the mark! That's what we all fight for...Good days! Good luck! You can do it.

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GIRLINMOTION 11/21/2013 9:37AM

    Stay positive, you know good always prevails over evil emoticon

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MARGARITTM 11/21/2013 9:08AM

    Pushing forward!!!!!

Enjoy your holidays with some non food experiences!!!!!

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LEESA-B 11/21/2013 9:01AM

  Congratulations on 20 months! And I love the good vs evil battle. What a great way to think of it!

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SCRAPBECCA 11/21/2013 8:50AM

    You know that I am right there with you, friend! emoticon

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 11/21/2013 8:32AM

    I think you should be so excited you had 3 good days out of the last 7... That is WAY BETTER than zero good days... it's all about the spin!!!

Happy Thursday, and I do hope today is NOT evil!!!

J


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NELLJONES 11/21/2013 8:19AM

    I think you just noticed the pattern: you don't remember exactly what the stressor of the day was but you remember eating over it. As the good days accumulate, you'll forget most of those days, but not the cheering icon. That will show up in the mirror. No matter what is going on, it will pass, and will fade into the distant past far faster than you can imagine. The thin face in the mirror, with added wrinkles, of course, is what lives on.

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CHERYLHURT 11/21/2013 8:04AM

  Great blog! Thanks for sharing struggles, we all can relate!

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IDICEM 11/21/2013 8:02AM

  I love this. What a fun way of keeping track. Here's to the emoticon days outnumbering the emoticon days! Great picture.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SAILOR64 11/21/2013 7:51AM

    Dear Steph,

You have taken the 1st step, you have identified an issue with food. Believe it or not this is HUGE. Congratulations.

You have actually inspired my Blog for today. If you like you can read it anytime after 10 a.m. EST.

Good luck on your quest, and JUICE to You! emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 11/21/2013 7:50AM

    emoticon emoticon

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INGMARIE 11/21/2013 7:46AM

    You can do this, I know it is tough emoticon
as you do , One day at a time , the evil ones will be fewer .and momentum kicks in emoticon ,you will be on a roll. woohoo

emoticon emoticon

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JIBBIE49 11/21/2013 7:42AM

    Great to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail. emoticon

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SHERYLP461 11/21/2013 7:19AM

    Awesome, it is wonderful that you share your bad days with the good. Others benefit from knowing they are not alone. I always tell myself, I can wait 5 more minutes, then again if need be. Usually in 5 minutes I am busy doing something else and eating the .....is out of mind.

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BESSHAILE 11/21/2013 7:11AM

    Here's a thought about getting through the holidays

why not spend a little time today imagining what you would do if you were already at goal. How much would you eat? How often would you workout? What exercises would you do that you don't do now? What foods would you pass on that you think of as treats now?

As vividly as you can imagine her - Imagine you as already at goal. Now - for the next month, pretend you ARE that girl - you ARE there already and live that way for a little while.

I bet - if you fake it till you make it ... you'll already be making it!

Many hugs to you, brave woman.

edited a moment later - here's something I found just one click away:

http://www.sparkpeople.com/my
page_public_journal_individual.
asp?blog_id=5545872


Comment edited on: 11/21/2013 7:13:36 AM

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CFMOSS 11/21/2013 7:10AM

    Here's to a good day 8 and 9 and 10.....

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PENOWOK 11/21/2013 6:47AM

    Steph, I know you can beat this!! Please hang in there...you've been doing so well and we need you to beat this!!

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LIVINHEALTHY9 11/21/2013 6:06AM

    Hang in there and stay strong! emoticon
Sometimes the harder the struggle makes the victory that much sweeter.

You got this!!

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TRYINGHARD54 11/21/2013 5:29AM

    one day at a time.. hang in there... :)

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WATERDIAMONDS 11/21/2013 4:58AM

    20 months is an awe-inspiring accomplishment. Congratulations, and best of success to you through the holiday season. Here's to more good days than evil ones!

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NASFKAB 11/21/2013 4:38AM

  you are still here fighting

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IMLOCOLINDA 11/21/2013 3:28AM

    emoticon Another great blog. I hope you lose the feeling of terror going into the holidays and just focus on the friends and family and all the wonderful things of the season, except the food. Play Santa, but don't look like Santa!!

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BENTOGYRL 11/21/2013 3:05AM

    You can do it!
Make Day 8 the best day yet!

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FLMOMX2 11/20/2013 9:18PM

    Keep on Fighting!!! emoticon

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KOHINOOR2 11/20/2013 8:49PM

    Your consistency, persistence,and hard work have serve you well and will continue to do so. Challenges just make us stronger with time. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 11/20/2013 8:01PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/20/2013 7:40PM

    Happy 20 mth. Sparkversary! emoticon It IS an awesome accomplishment and very worthy of being mentioned and celebrated. For sure!

Keep up your conscientious work and the emoticon days will outnumber the emoticon days!

HUGS

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STARDUST_1970 11/20/2013 6:39PM

    Things have to get better right? For both of us. I am having a lot of evil days myself here lately.

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WHOVIANGIRL23 11/20/2013 5:25PM

    I'm very glad that you are still fighting and still pushing! I know how crappy it feels to have evil days preside over good days, I've had it happen too many times. This week even! But you are wonderful and strong and you will keep pushing on until you feel more in control than out of control. Even if you just maintain this year during holidays, it's better than packing on a ton of weight (which is what I tend to do every single year and why I'm so terrified this year) and you'll be able to start the new year without having to undo a bunch of "oopsies".
Always remember that you are beautiful and strong, and tell fat Stephanie to f*ck off because she's not welcome anymore! Remember that you are healthy Stephanie now and YOU are the one calling the shots, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ADF1981 11/20/2013 5:11PM

    Hang in there! This is a tough time of year to try to lose weight and even maintain, but it can happen! Maybe you are being too hard on yourself. Not sure how bad those evil days were, but even if they're not perfect just try to make the best of it. Something that helps me is to try to eat the lower number of calories in my range and if later I am hungry I have some room for more calories. Since the eating has been a struggle lately, maybe try focusing on your fitness minutes goal. Not saying lose track of calories, but if you ate more one day and also walked more it will help. Hoping tomorrow is a good day! emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 11/20/2013 4:56PM

    Steph, I am pulling for your good days! You are keeping your focus, and I hope the rest of the week goes better for you!

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MKD4444 11/20/2013 4:14PM

  Maintaining within a 5 pound range is FABULOUS during the holidays. You should be proud of yourself for doing that. I have even skinny friends who gain 5-10 pounds during the holidays and then have to work their butts off to get those pounds off. You keep doing what you're doing, and don't let those Evil Days get you down. You're a winner, and you can conquer them.

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TREV1964 11/20/2013 4:03PM

    You know I think you are doing fantastic and I for one am very proud of what you have done and what you are doing at the moment.

Just keep going and you WILL get there. In doing what you have already done you have a multitude of people that are in here in awe of your achievements and a lot of people that look up to you.

Cheers and respect

Trev

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JESSICA_STULTZ 11/20/2013 3:02PM

    Sometimes people don't realize that struggles that each of us go through each day. I also struggle with emotional eating and what sucks is the next day you wish you'd have just sucked it up. I wish there was an easier way to stay away from foods when I was feeling down. Some days I feel like I am in the same type of mindset of when I started. I eat because I feel fat, I feel fat because I eat too much. A whole cycle for my depression. I just need to find a way to remember that eating foods that are good for me and not overeating makes me happier. Here's to hoping you have more smiley people than evil ones! emoticon

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CHRISGORGME 11/20/2013 2:45PM

    You look amazing in this photo and that says it all! It shows all your work and your progress and we all can understand your struggles, they are the same with ours! Keep up the good work my emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JACOBSBELOVED 11/20/2013 2:24PM

    Even though things seem to be kind of rough lately, you still seem really positive and you seem to be doing a good job keeping yourself motivated. Your persistence is inspiring. :)

Also, congrats on celebrating your 20 month anniversary! So impressive.



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BABARR67 11/20/2013 12:35PM

    Hey Sweet!

I sooo understand, and as you know I have a limited number of days to be "good" before surgery. I know that we are not supposed to think of days as good or bad because it can throw us off our game-- contributing to what I've heard called "Last Supper Syndrome": aka I screwed up, I'll start again tomorrow...

Whereas One meal, snack, bite at a time gives us the opportunity to take a "Uturn" immediately.

And in the most current weight loss book I am reading, Never Say Diet, the author says, "We gain weight through a series of poor choices made on a regular basis over a long period of time." No duh... the whole book is common sense as far as I can tell... I totally love it. I have to change my mind and make better decisions. Being uncomfortable is not the end of the world. Sort of a "Just do it" attitude.

Okay... I'll be waiting for the copyright police to come after me for using the common terms for the various diet books and athletic company slogans. LOL

I wonder if even your "bad" days were not really bad... just imperfect. I doooo loooove the whole good vs evil scenario Muhwahahaha

HUGS

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TREE57 11/20/2013 12:15PM

    emoticon Remember it's okay to TOOT YOUR OWN HORN!

emoticon emoticon These little critters are going to be FEW and FAR BETWEEN!

emoticon You have so much to be thankful for.

emoticon Just keep putting one foot in front on the other!

emoticon Looking Good in that new photo!

Way to Go Steph....Stay the Course!

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BRENDA_G50 11/20/2013 12:07PM

    emoticon 20 consistant months. emoticon That is nothing to sneeze at! You're doing emoticon

I really like your idea about "Good -vs- Evil"! Here to having more emoticon days than emoticon days. emoticon

I'll be cheering for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 11/20/2013 11:54AM

    emoticon Happy Sparkversary! Great job on this journey that may have some struggles but you are not giving up! That is the key to success and you will succeed because you're not giving up.
You are almost to your emoticon
emoticon

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CHUBRUB3 11/20/2013 11:16AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I love your good & bad days icons. I think I will implement this too, it may help to see how often I am bad.
You are doing great and it will all come together.
Hugs,
Angela


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THINFITFEMINIST 11/20/2013 10:38AM

    We all can relate to you and what struggling is all about. You reflect our own travels and bumps and also our desire to do better, be better, feel better about ourselves.

One thing I've been considering which you've referred to in your blog a couple of times is the concept of Struggle. Now, I am not saying that it is easy. But, what is it that makes it such a struggle for us? What are we battling? Why is it this is so difficult at times?

I've come to some conclusions. 1)We make it difficult! We love being victorious! How can we be victorious if we have not won a battle? 2)We need to feel like this is worth our effort. There is no effort in having things be easy is there? 3)We make it much bigger than it really is so we justify complete focus on ourselves and most of the time excluding others I'm sorry to say. This of course seems to balance out feeling we have been neglected.

Yes, I believe that there is a much more easier way. A much more peaceful way. A way that doesn't tax us so, doesn't stress us out and doesn't reflect guilt and fear.

Since the idea behind lifestyle vs diet is so essential for the long run, I am reflecting on making my journey as a day in day out doing my best for my health and fitness.

I think you have truly achieved much in your progress on your path. I will continue supporting you as long as you like.

Hugs

Karen

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TRIXIETEXAS 11/20/2013 10:30AM

    The most important thing is that you have determination and perseverance. You are still here. You are awesome!

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