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    CAREN_BLUEJEANS   58,712
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
Taking Action in Spite of Fear

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

What is my greatest fear(s), about losing weight, lasting fitness and wellness?
How has that fear cost me?
How will my life transform if I take action, in spite of fear?

My fear that I will fail, have failed, am failing, embarrasses me. I want to be proud of my accomplishments, and show my before/after pix, but I'm afraid people will ask THAT question: how long did it take? I feel like a failure because it took 3 years to lose 30 pounds. It sounds so slow. I should be losing 1 to 2 pounds a week, right? Never mind that there was an astonishing 18 month plateau. While I often think: just not quitting is success, in the face of that frustration, other people may judge me more harshly. My critics & doubters, want to belittle my success. I'm afraid I may agree with them and lose my self-respect.

I'm afraid when people ask how I lost the weight. Over the course of 3 years, it's been so many aspects of self-discovery and evolution, that it's hard to put into a small box and present it like: this is the diet that worked! this is the exercise that worked! I confess, I made really bad diet & exercise choices for myself along the way. I'm afraid someone will push their crazy fad diet and I have to stand there and listen as if I don't think it's crazy. (Sure, drink meal replacement shakes, give up carrots because they're SO HIGH IN SUGAR, try intermittent fasting because, like, that won't TURN ME INTO A MONSTER THAT WILL EAT YOUR FLESH.) I want to eat real, regular food.

If I lose all the weight I want to, and I am slim, fit and healthy, will people expect me to be perfect in every other way? What if I"m not? Will my success be empty? No, I'm not perfect now, and I won't be perfect when I'm slim. I'll still sing off key, my jokes will still be corny, I'll still have grey hair & wrinkles & age spots, in fact, I'll probably have more. I'll still have aches & pains, still get sick. I don't expect myself to ever be perfect; just human.

What about about regain? I'm not afraid of regaining, so much of my fear is thinking that my detractors will want me to fail and regain. They're just waiting for me to fail, so they can gloat over my failure, & feel better than me. Yes, I've been told "we're not successful." I want to tell him to speak for himself, don't include me. I get to write my own definition of success. So keep your negativity to yourself. Doubter & critics on the left; fans & supporters on the right. You can go left and just keep going.

So my fears are around judgment. I'm afraid of what people will think of me, and what I'll think of myself. The fear has lead to inaction, and the comfort of familiar routines, foods, activities.

If I took action, in spite of my fear of judgment, I would take as long as it takes to get to goal, and stay there, or maybe I WILL gain: if my life takes a turn, or over holidays and vacations. But if I don't care about judgment, I'll turn it around as soon as possible, and get slim fit & healthy again. Goal isn't all or nothing.

If I get to goal, I'll have new evidence that I can be successful.


Motivational Quotes:

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
-Frank Herbert

"Success isn't permanent and failure isn't fatal."
-Mike Ditka

"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way."
-George Herman 'Babe' Ruth

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
-Michael Jordan
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEACEPOET 11/22/2013 3:11PM

    These are great questions for all of us to ask ourselves! And your answers have wisdom that applies to many or most of us...for example, about goal not being all or nothing. A regain after meeting goal, just like a gain during the weight-loss process, is just a natural bump in the road unless we let it become more.

I think I'm going to go journal about these questions, myself! Thanks!

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MOVEITMARY 11/21/2013 2:14PM


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ON2VICTORY 11/20/2013 8:31PM

    what a great post Caren. you speak for many of us, myself included. the expectations of others, both real and perceived, are insidious. They play on our fears, crush our dreams and if we are not careful, turn those dreams into failures. Its very easy to sit in my armchair and say you can do it or dont let the haters get you down or any number of cheap bumper sticker slogans, but the reality is that people have a HUGE influence on how we view the world and how we respond to it.

You have done an amazing job Caren, if it takes you 1 year or 10, this journey is for life...your life, and not someone elses. Every day it is about Caren being the best Caren she can be and striving to reach that potential. So let the dogs keep barking.... its only noise.

Be your best... I'm proud of you :)

Comment edited on: 11/20/2013 8:32:55 PM

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CARRIE1948 11/20/2013 7:46AM

    Fear of judgement is a big one in most of our lives

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WATERMELLEN 11/19/2013 9:05PM

    Super blog: I think most of us have experienced these fears and continue to experience them. It's so helpful to have you articulate them and explore them. Thank you!!

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HDHAWK 11/19/2013 7:58PM

    Do what's right for you and don't worry about what other people think. When I lost weight before people felt free to ask all kinds of questions. They also felt free to tell me I was getting too thin. Thankfully, when you gain it back they don't tell you how fat you've gotten. The fact that it took 3 yrs. to lose it means you're more likely to keep it off.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/19/2013 7:48PM

    Being from Illinois of course I love Michael Jordan. I love Michael Jordan the athlete but also Michael Jordon the human being. So many athletes are talented but unfortunately they are meatheads. They succeed on one level and fail at life. I think you should remind yourself of Jordan's words. Obviously you can fail miserably and still be loved. I like you for the person you are and will still like you whether you are thick or thin.

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GOODGETNBETR 11/19/2013 7:21PM

    emoticon quotes. Keep at it. It's worth the stretch

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DLDMIL 11/19/2013 6:47PM

    Great Blog. You own your fear and keep pushing through.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STONECOT 11/19/2013 5:56PM

    I've lost 60lbs, it's taken me 6 years, so you're not alone! It's a case of 'whatever works for you'. No one size fits all, and if others want to give up carrots etc, you tell them it's ok, if that's what works for them, it's not maybe what works for you! When you lose weight slowly, your skin shrinks back nicely too, there are advantages.

PS I'm one of those intermittent fasters, that's OK, it works for me, but not for you!

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LAILATN 11/19/2013 5:16PM

    I love this. It takes as long as it takes - because it's not a fad "diet" - it's changing your whole LIFESTYLE. Emotions and everything. I think that's what people don't want to hear.

You're doing GREAT!

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HAPPYMENOW58 11/19/2013 4:58PM

    Great blog! You are owning up to your fears..and thus will conquer them....You can do it!

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MOTHEPRO 11/19/2013 4:52PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 11/19/2013 4:50PM

    Never fear, you are among spark friends here! It doesn't matter how long it takes, just as long as you are still working hard. We understand what this is like, it isn't about the time, it's about all the hard work you have put into this journey.

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JUNEAU2010 11/19/2013 4:41PM

    There's no "should" in weight loss. I hit a plateau that was nearly a year long and, before I hit that plateau, I was grateful to be losing fragments of 1 pound each week. Don't compare yourself to some statistical norm - you are not a number. You are a unique individual and this is your journey. Choose to see victory!

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WORLDSERIES11 11/19/2013 4:30PM

    Amazing blog!!
emoticon emoticon

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