Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Wow, my last blog was dated November 10, 2011!! I guess time flies when you are having fun! Or the more honest answer is life got busy and my priorities changed.
Back in November of 2011, I signed up for a half ironman. I am not sure what got into me but this was NOT a well thought out commitment. My daughter was 15 and had just started high school. As most parents who have teenagers know, this is a very important time to be involved in your child's life. I jumped into something without thinking the whole commitment through. It took a few months of training (until February) for me to figure out that this was NOT a good idea. Taylor started saying things like, "Wow mom, I hardly ever see you anymore." This broke my heart. I hired an online coach to help me prepare for this race and the relationship was less than satisfactory. I am not saying that he was a bad coach but he wasn't the coach for me! I ended up training a lot by myself and it was super lonely. I realized quickly that I like doing these sorts of things because of the social interaction it provides. Riding my bike for hours on end by myself sucked!! I need buddies!!! I also had an injury (sprained ankle) that kept my progress at a minimum early on. All these things contributed to me deciding that this was not the right time to pursue my dream of taking on a half ironman. I do believe there will be a time in the future where I will attempt this goal again, God willing, but it isn't right now.
So, no-big-deal right? I decided to reevaluate and not move forward with this goal. WRONG! This messed me up mentally for months to come. I struggle with an all or nothing mentality. If I can't go all out, I might as well not try. So, I started eating badly and I stopped working out for awhile. I am not the type of person that sets goals and doesn't accomplish them. I was so disappointed with myself for giving up on my goal. I thought others would think less of me. I went through a really rough time trying to swallow the defeat. I see now that I should have just readjusted my goal to something that would fit my lifestyle and priorities (i.e. a shorter distance triathlon) but instead I gave up on things that were important to me. DUMB!
The good news is that while I went off the deep end for a bit, I realized some of my lifestyle choices have stuck! Even though I wasn't working out rigorously, I still felt that I needed to get out and go walking regularly. I would make bad food choices but more often than not it wasn't all out. It was a more moderate way of indulging. I realized that what I have learned over the many years of trying to maintain my weight stuck even when my focus took a detour. Don't get me wrong, the scale moved in the wrong direction but I was able to take control again before it got way out of hand.
This isn't a perfect journey, this is life! I am grateful for the times that I struggle because it helps me have compassion for myself and for others that are also struggling. I realize that this is a battle that is won, day after day. I pray that God gives me the strength to take care of the temple he has given me to travel through this life with. I only get one!
Let's move forward together,