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Waste of who I am!


Monday, November 18, 2013



This is the third quote that smacked me hard on Friday. I have spent the majority of my life trying to be things I am not. I have stopped doing most of this. I no longer dress or do my hair to please others. I please myself.

But I have realized that Iím wasting who I am on trying to look a certain way. See, Iím a Croatian Gypsy. And people have very specific ideas about how gypsy women should look. I will never fall into that stereo type! I have a true Slovak build, so Iím never going to be long and thin. My mom was also half Irish, and we both got that skin. So letís just forget about the bronze radiance.

But just because I donít LOOK like how outsides think I should doesnít mean I canít use my rekindled confidence to dress and dance the part. My great aunt taught me some of the fire dances. I donít know how much I can remember but I want to try it again. In my teens and early twenties I was very graceful.

Now I move like pregnant yak! I know I can get it back. How is the issue? Iím thinking yoga (which I really donít like) and Qi Gong should help my grace and flexibility. Once again ST will aid in my ability to move correctly.

Basically, I just need to get back to who I really am. And she is a pretty fun and different person.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JAXMOMMY 11/24/2013 6:56PM

    See, I don't find anything wrong with dressing or looking like the gypsy you are! Embrace that beauty of those wonderful roots you have! Just be you and don't even put thought into it! Honestly, I quit worrying about it all after I lsot my sight.... I know that how a person looks, dresses, wears his or her hair simply is not at all what it is about!

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LIVINGFREE19 11/23/2013 8:30PM

    emoticon , my friend!

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DOGLADY13 11/23/2013 11:20AM

    Wow, Kitty! There is some seriously positive energy radiating out of you! Thank you for sharing your determination and grit. This is a long, long process to getting healthy and the inside healthy is harder than all the rest of it.

I'm in it with you, girl! Let's go get 'em!

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JUMPINJULIE 11/22/2013 5:40PM

    Agree no reason to not be you. Don't care what anyone else thinks.

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WARRIORGIRL121 11/21/2013 8:42PM

    emoticon You are a pretty, fun and different person, and I love you! :)

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POINTS-OF-FOCUS 11/20/2013 9:19PM

    "Now I move like pregnant yak! " I love it!! emoticon

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MJREIMERS 11/20/2013 7:03AM

    My recent "challenges" smacked me of a similar lesson. I wasn't being me and true to myself, so I'm back!

I love that you are your own person! I tend to gravitate towards people that walk to their own drummer and have a mind of their own. Not only are they more interesting and more like me, but they are just plain more fun!

I think as we age we realize that those that care about us care because of who we are, now who we aren't. We also realize those that don't care about us won't no matter what we do. So definitely don't waste who you are!

Good for you. Be who you are! I'm glad "your back!"

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CHANGINGHORSES 11/20/2013 6:49AM

    You are unique and amazing, and we love you!
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CATHYGETSFIT 11/19/2013 10:24PM

    You should never try to be something you aren't! I think it's cool that you actually know your ancestry. I don't know mine. Is this the fire dance you are talking about? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk4d
3oU7NL0 If you don't like yoga maybe you should try pilates or belly dancing. Woohoo for getting back to who you really are!

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OHANAMAMA 11/19/2013 9:48PM

    Wow. I wish I knew myself so solidly... I have no idea. When I asked my grandmother before she passed, she said "oh... a little Cherokee, a little Irish, a little German." but then again... does it really matter? I relate more with the Cherokee and Irish part, but I don't look it. Some people think I'm actually Hawaiian. I wish. It would be nice to be something definite. I reckon I'm still in that wishing I was someone else stage... is that a stage? LOL!

You are inspiring Me to be ME in your determination to just be YOU.

When you get to the fire dancing... please put up a video blog, I think that sounds really awesome.

Stay beautiful!

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JUSTME29 11/19/2013 8:52PM

    I need to find the real me as well. This me that I've been the last year or so is kind of ridiculous and I need to find the me that I want to be and that I used to be. Dancing those dances sounds like a great fun but dying yak sounds like an apt description of me dancing in any form. I'm ok with that though because I have other things that I am good at.

Let's not waste ourselves any more!

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1CRAZYDOG 11/19/2013 7:35PM

    "And she is a pretty fun and different person." Yes YOU ARE!!! Hands down.

I am 1/2 Irish and the other part is German and Bohemian (but really it is Croatian as my ancestors are from Silesia, which changed governance more times than Carter has little liver pills!)

So smile, look in the mirror and tell yourself "I'm gorgeous!", because you are!

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LESLIELENORE 11/19/2013 5:56PM

    I think who you really are is pretty terrific! Just come back and reread these blogs when you start feeling low.

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KALEWINE 11/19/2013 5:38PM

    Embrace who God made you to be, because he made you beautiful!

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SOULFISH80 11/19/2013 4:03PM

    Wow, another blog hits the nail on the head for me. I've been thinking the last few days that no matter what age, weight, or style I've had, I've always thought I was just not right. I look back on photos where I'm over 100 pounds lighter, and look radiant to my eye now, but at the time I thought I was akward, fat or ugly. I realized if I don't start appreciating where I am, I may never, ever experience the wonder that is truly me. I am overwieght now, heavier than I have ever been, but maybe in 10 years I will look back and saw, wow, why didn't I see how lovely I was? I think we have to embrace ourselves, at ever turn in the road. And not just parts of ourselves, but our whole selves. It isn't natural for some of us. Upbringing, education, society, commercials tell give us all these false messages about our own strength and beauty. Always getting us to think if we were something other than what we are, or had something we don't currently have, we would be happier, more beautiful. But it is a chase of the elusive, of something we can never obtain, that keeps us on the hamster wheel, spinning and spinning but never getting anywhere. When we step off and realize that what we really need is inside us, not outside, and that our true selves is the only thing we really need to focus on, then we begin to truly live. Another beautiful blog. Thanks!!!

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STARTINGINLIMBO 11/19/2013 3:44PM

    You can do it.
What you wrote reminded me of a native American woman who once told me to tell myself (when I mentioned that I have a little of that ancestry)that I am not part native American, I AM native American. Anyone who has that ancestry IS native American. That was what she stressed. Pretty cool. :)

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MRSTABER 11/19/2013 2:07PM

    You crack me up! You can get to where ever you want to if you put your mind to it! WE all know you can do it! Do remember that we like who you are and you are not a waste to us!

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BONNIEMARGAY 11/19/2013 1:47PM

    I would LOVE to have you try my belly dance and yoga classes!

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LAILATN 11/19/2013 1:43PM

    Pregnant yak made me laugh out loud!

I love this post. I love that you're getting back to who you are.

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RIDMYCOCOON 11/19/2013 12:40PM

    Rock your Croatian/Irish body! You are so beautiful Kitty! I am very much intrigued by fire dancing and other rituals you may have been influenced by! How lucky and wonderful to have that unique knowledge in your veins. Let it pulsate and give you life!

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RACEWELLWON 11/19/2013 11:34AM

    My neighbor is from Croatia - you would love her even though she is old I love her like a mother - she has taught me so much in life- I think you always look Beautiful !! - Some places have free yoga - I found one here in off of Peterson and Pulaski at the Nature Center every Sunday morning Free !!! Will Email - Tai Chi is incredible and you love China Town - check it out - its addicting - That's right Be yourself - everyone is taken ! Hugs Karen emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/19/2013 11:36:16 AM

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_LINDA 11/19/2013 11:00AM

    I have always been a person that marched to the beat of my own drummer and I never gave in to looking like how others wanted me to look. I loved to exercise and get good and sweaty so close cropping my hair was convenient and easy to care for. It seemed like there is always a collective groan from all the elders when I shaved off my beautiful red hair (grannies just seem to love that color lol) I only once wore my hair longer and had make up on to mark a milestone. No one recognized me and one fellow said he didn't want to comment on my glamour photo as that would speak volumes as to how I looked before and that would be insulting. I took a lot of bullying and insults over my casual, military inspired looks and clothing (I had wanted to joint as soon as I was 16, but was turned down on the medical) It toughened me and enabled me to get through the worst life had to offer and stay true to myself. It is important only what you think and not others.
Might I suggest you get into Zumba? You can keep up your fitness at the same time as learning power and grace. The dance moves are challenging and that is what keeps it from getting boring. They are constantly changing the music and the program so it never gets old and you are always challenged. It also challenges your flexibility. My aching back gets a good stretching out after a class and is really loosened up. Party atmosphere is right. Who knew exercising could be this much fun??
Good luck with it!
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BESCATS 11/19/2013 8:03AM

    You definitely are a fun and loving person. We can tell that just with the time you take with your Sparkfriends, never mind anything else. emoticon

From what I have been told, I am of Irish, French & Indian decent. I definitely have an Irish temper. There is nothing wrong with being who you are. You will be more at peace with yourself. We all try to live our lives trying to be someone else, and please everyone but ourselves, and by he time we realize that, it's usually to late.

Do yourself a favor ~ be Kitty ~ be you ~ have fun ~ live life to the fullest ~~

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NILLAPEPSI 11/19/2013 8:03AM

    Reminds me of a song from "back in the day" (80s) by They Might Be Giants. Here's an excerpt of the lyrics from their song, Whistling in the Dark:

There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well
And that's be you
Be what you're like
Be like yourself

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CHERYL_ANNE 11/19/2013 7:39AM

    Rings so true! Spent some time wishing I was and trying to be like someone else. So much work and effort when there was nothing wrong with the way I was. Until I learned to accept and embrace it, I was going to be unhappy. So one day I just did. Just like that. I have never looked back. I don't regret one minute of the time I've spent since then being authentically me. I have always been and will always be that "weird, but sweet" girl and if other people don't like it, that's entirely their problem. Can I be "as authentic as I wanna be" at work? Nope, but I can be the "work version" of it and then it's all good.

... Can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.

Who we "really" are is always there and looking back at us. It's when we "get in our own way" that we seem to lose sight of this.

Here's to you getting back to who you want to be!

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DEEKELLYE 11/19/2013 7:13AM

    To each his own. I am not saying that to be mean but you were born to stand out. I wouldn't change who you are. My theory is that this is who I am and you can either take me as I am or leave. I have come to the point in life that I am not going to change to get people to like me. Those who like me is who I spend my energy on and I won't lose valuable sleep at night over those who don't like me. Just be yourself and you will have people who like you.

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GARDENCHRIS 11/19/2013 6:33AM

    Your pretty fun now! Treat yourself like your own best friend, do what makes you happy..... and tell that negative voice inside to shut the hell up! emoticon

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SPUNSILK327 11/19/2013 5:32AM

    Quarter-Irish Croatian Gypsies are beautiful! Always best to be yourself, love your self. This is what we tell kids all the time, yet so hard for us to live out. Loved hearing more about you. Also, you should review your pics from that recent foam crazy run. You look very good and graceful!!

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 11/19/2013 1:24AM

    :) I'd love to see a fire dance!! :)

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CIPHER1971 11/19/2013 1:19AM

    sounds amazing

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KELLIEBEAN 11/19/2013 12:22AM

    The world is a better place with you in it. Never hide!

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