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I AM Part 3

Monday, November 18, 2013

I decided not to write about my ex-husband or his mom here. It would take to long. But I will give you a brief description of my ex mil. If they were making a remake of wizard of oz she would have made the prefect evil witch. She was 2faced. I really don't have anything good to say about her.

You would not have recognized me in the mid 80's to the mid 90's. I worked with the Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts. I was able to get up in front of 100 people and talk. know I am lucky if I can talk to 1 person.

My ex walked out on me in 1998, our divorce was final same year on my daughter's birthday. That's when my life started to unroll. I got depressed, anxiety attacks. I could not drive anymore because I was afraid of having a anxiety attack. I could not go shopping because of panic attacks. I became a prisoner. And to this day I am still a prisoner.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    It is so brave of you to start sharing these insights. Way to step out of your comfort zone and share your thoughts and feelings. You have so much support here, and so many wonderful comments on your blogs. It sure is hard to move from the difficult things that happen to us, I am happy for you and proud of you as you begin on this journey. It sure isn't easy but it is so worthwhile and you deserve it!
    1551 days ago
    1553 days ago
    emoticon Hope you can find your way back to how you was before. OR to a brand new you.
    1557 days ago
    Wow! Some of the comments below are so awesome! You have a good support here. Sounds like you are making progress. This too shall pass. Let go and let God.

    I really liked the writing diet. Just finished the book, but there is a lot of healing in writing and .. release. One day at a time. Grateful for so many wonderful tools to use. Justyna
    1557 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/20/2013 10:24:54 AM
    Debbie...I'm So PROUD of You! You reached out...and isn't it wonderful to know that you are not alone...and there IS Support if you can just be brave enough to take the first step...This to me...Is huge! This is what it is all about...

    I LOVE what GEMINISUE shared.

    It is so true...Debbie...We all have layers...And We CAN Peel them back one at a time...It hurts a little to get those first few layers...Like a band aid being ripped off...because essentially that is what you are doing...Kind of opening the wounds...and allowing some air to get to them...We CAN HEAL Too!

    You are definitely on the Right Team...We CAN Work with all of this...We will be here to Help you work through as much as you are willing to work through...

    Big Hugz...and I hope you are Celebratin'...Because This was a Giant Step!!! Now we can do something to reverse all of the hurt and the pain that you have been living in...because Sweet Gurl...We have to Go Inside Deep in order to Release that Prisoner You feel inside...

    SOS has been sent...Now it is Time for the Calvary!

    Hold on...Don't Let Go...We Got'cha!
    1558 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/19/2013 5:39:43 AM
  • SURF@723
    ((((hugs))) want to just reach out and hug you feel the pain and hurt. Glad you step outside your comfort zone to be with us.

    1558 days ago
  • TREE57
    You are peeling those layers back one at a time. It's hard, I know, but since you've taken the first step....just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    You can do it!

    1559 days ago
    So glad you are working on letting this stuff out, so you can face it and maybe even getting help to work through it. Peel it, one layer at a time, and hopefully life can be like it was for you before your former husband left you.

    Can you go on your porch/in your yard? Can you open your door and look out? step out of it? Can you walk a few steps in your yard? front yard? back yard? (If you can't now, let us know when you can, only if it is just a step or two). If you can stand by your screen door and look out, try to think happy thoughts, try to smile and feel happiness.

    One Day at a Time
    One Step at a Time
    One Layer at a Time
    One healthy meal
    One exercise session
    Take a deep breath, release the air through pierced lips, ten times as often as your feeling stress, try to release it. Then relax and enjoy the nice feelings you may get.

    1559 days ago
    I can SO relate with this Debbie. I EASILY could've been you if I hadn't taken back control of my life. I had an anxiety attack so bad for a week I lost 15lbs. in one week. Most of the day I laid on my floor with a hypothermia like shake.

    We'll have to talk on this someday. I do know it can be overcome ! You are on the right path !
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1559 days ago
    But you are also a brave woman working at freeing yourself of the past that has a hold on you. You can and will do it because you are a SPARKed Woman now and you have many SPARK Friends to walk the walk with you !!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1559 days ago
    I sympathize with being a prisoner of anxiety attacks. It sucks. It really can rule your life. But it sounds like you are doing all that you can to get yours under control and let yourself heal a little, and that's wonderful. I wish you much, much good luck with it!

    1559 days ago
    well I had a tell all about my kids about 3-4 years ago. Vented on my blogs and well long story short my youngest daughter got my password printed everything good and bad and then blackmailed me told a lot of people ruined my life put me in therapy and lets say I am now back but under a new name. emoticon
    1559 days ago
    With such a beautiful little girl I would try my hardest to not be so depressed & maybe get on antidepressants or join parents without partners in order to interact with others going through the same thing..... emoticon
    1559 days ago
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