Sunday, November 17, 2013
I wrote yesterday's blog in the middle of the night. I don't like that in the least bit. I do not see the point of feeling sorry for myself. It just seems pitiful & like I'm 'trying to get attention'. That's not who I am. I don't care for woe is me.
I do not hate being bipolar. I do wish I didn't have to think SO much ALL of the time. On the other hand, I have researched many things as a direct result of my overactive brain. I know a lot about religions, dogs, houseplants, Bipolar...just to name a few.
I would like to get back to a regular sleeping pattern. Being awake half the night does not help me or my family. It's hard for me to accomplish all that I need to in a day when I don't have any energy. The bad thing is that once I get turned around it takes (what seems like) forever to get right again.
I am not on the verge of getting drunk, having a breakdown or committing suicide. Those are all things of my PAST. None of these are part of who I am today. They got me here...that's it. I will not let fear of any of this rule my life now. It's not helpful in any way.
When I write blogs like I wrote yesterday I feel like I'm asking for pity. I hate that. I do not want pity. I do not like being vulnerable. Do I feel the need to be strong all the time? YES! If that offends your sensibilities, I'm sorry, but it's just how I think.
I do not see how people feeling sorry for me or pitying me is going to help me. I don't see how that would help an abused child or a sick old man. Action is the only thing that helps. Pity & feeling sorry for somebody does NOTHING for them. Being empathetic toward them can help you help them, but that is NOT pity.
I really appreciate everyone who reached out to me yesterday. You are all very special to me & I am thankful to have you in my life!
I need to be strong, sober and a loud & proud Bipolar Perfectionist. It's who I am.