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    LOFLLAMA   52,373
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That Did NOT Help Me AT ALL!!!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

I wrote yesterday's blog in the middle of the night. I don't like that in the least bit. I do not see the point of feeling sorry for myself. It just seems pitiful & like I'm 'trying to get attention'. That's not who I am. I don't care for woe is me.

I do not hate being bipolar. I do wish I didn't have to think SO much ALL of the time. On the other hand, I have researched many things as a direct result of my overactive brain. I know a lot about religions, dogs, houseplants, Bipolar...just to name a few.

I would like to get back to a regular sleeping pattern. Being awake half the night does not help me or my family. It's hard for me to accomplish all that I need to in a day when I don't have any energy. The bad thing is that once I get turned around it takes (what seems like) forever to get right again.

I am not on the verge of getting drunk, having a breakdown or committing suicide. Those are all things of my PAST. None of these are part of who I am today. They got me here...that's it. I will not let fear of any of this rule my life now. It's not helpful in any way.

When I write blogs like I wrote yesterday I feel like I'm asking for pity. I hate that. I do not want pity. I do not like being vulnerable. Do I feel the need to be strong all the time? YES! If that offends your sensibilities, I'm sorry, but it's just how I think.

I do not see how people feeling sorry for me or pitying me is going to help me. I don't see how that would help an abused child or a sick old man. Action is the only thing that helps. Pity & feeling sorry for somebody does NOTHING for them. Being empathetic toward them can help you help them, but that is NOT pity.

I really appreciate everyone who reached out to me yesterday. You are all very special to me & I am thankful to have you in my life!

I need to be strong, sober and a loud & proud Bipolar Perfectionist. It's who I am.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*RENEAT* 11/18/2013 10:58AM

    We are not pitying you! We are, however, identifying with you! We all have something we are dealing with and this is a safe space for us to share and get feedback, support, encouragement or even a swift kick in the butt! You do it for all of us and we are happy to be able to give back.

That being said, it does sound like depression. Many of function to the point where we don't seem depressed but symptoms like apathy, lack of energy and sleeplessness are keys. Maybe talk to your dr. about adding something for depression to the meds you already take? Or call me and laugh! LOL

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TOKIEMOON 11/17/2013 9:06PM

    I wasn't feeling sorry for you, but was concerned. I'm so glad to have you back!! Your blogs have never sounded whiny or pitiful, but as an insomniac, I can appreciate how it feels to muddle through your day without energy or feeling ambitious.

Keep trying whatever relaxation techniques work for you, nap if you can, and most of all - give yourself a break! Gol darn it, you deserve it! emoticon Denise

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GENRE009 11/17/2013 5:28PM

    I can't sleep if I eat anything that has sugar in it or caffine or fatsafter 8:00 p.m.. So no grapes, juice, or peanuts. I read some where that eating starch helps sleep but I haven't tried it. Oh I did eat a bowl of brand, and I think it was the milk that helped me sleep. Sometimes it's just the med's you take, and theres not much you can do!It raining in Michigan, and that will knock me out tonite I know. hope things get better! eva

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WOWEETOO 11/17/2013 5:25PM

    you might try melatonin over the counter 3 mg and see if that won't help reregister your sleep pattern that's what i use

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WOWEETOO 11/17/2013 5:23PM

    it's who she is !!!!
still standing with you not behind and not in front but by your side friend!!!
loves and hugs
the lady mary

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COCK-ROBIN 11/17/2013 4:39PM

    You are very strong, and you'll get through it. You're emoticon

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SANDRALEET 11/17/2013 1:14PM

    We can learn to understand whot you are going trough not feel sorry for you I do not put you down You are just expressing feelings That whot few can do Most hide them

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KATSTEAM 11/17/2013 12:01PM

you have never came across as a person that is in apity party . or i wouldnt respond .
i believe all of us that has followed your blogs , know you . that you come across
intelligent and well versed. and just has bad days like the rest of us. '
emoticon emoticon my friend

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AWESOMECHELZ 11/17/2013 11:49AM

    What I said or sent you was not done to pity you. Otherwise, I would have said pity. I said it all because I love you and wanted you to know it. I hope you sleep better tonight. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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