Sunday, November 17, 2013
I remember once saying "there are no excuses." Then reality hit me. First in the form of a first child, followed by a second special needs child, followed by the reality that a college education needed to be completed. This particular last 3 months have been hell for me. I literally have not had time to so much as paint my nails and I am grateful for the time to shower. I know this is my doing, my choices and priorities. I chose to return for my B.S. and continue my education. I made a mistake. It IS too soon. My youngest(2) is still home and my oldest(3.5) is only in school 6 hours a day, 2 of which are spent driving her to and from. While she is gone, the entire time at home is spent with my sons speech, physical and behavioral therapists. Upon picking my daughter up from school, I am waiting on my sons occupational therapist. Then, I cook and bathe the kids and prepare my daughter for the following school day. My nights and weekends are spent trying to keep a healthy average in all four of my college courses, which are online and entail 10 page, very professional and academic papers being due every week. It's a lot, and just as with my bad eating habits, I've eaten with my eyes and overstuffed my dish.
Enough venting—but thank you for listening—the fact is that the semester ends in 3 weeks and I am mentally preparing myself to focus on ME. Okay- this instead of school. My children will never decrease on the priority scale. That just isn't realistic. Instead, I will use up my nights and weekends working out like I once did. I was doing amazing. In fact, I lost 17 pounds until the distractions began. Now I am pretty sure I gained all of it back and more.
Today I took the time out to post here, despite having 4 chapters of Spanish homework that was due yesterday and a ten page paper to finish before Friday. Why I did not instead, work out? Well, sometimes I need to get my thoughts out before hand. Lately, more than ever I have felt disgusted with myself and it goes beyond just being FAT. It is due to the fact that I allow myself to remain FAT knowing what my goals are and what would make me happy and proud of myself. It is putting other things before that which is inevitably making me sick. My health comes first, both physically and mentally.