Hey everyone, I'm sorry that I haven't blogged in a few days, I have just been so crazy exhausted from this sickness! Needless to say all of the healthy habits I have been developing are currently suffering which I am not at all happy about! It's so hard to find foods that fill you up and are easy on the throat that don't have a ton of calories! I went to the store yesterday and picked up a bunch of soup. Some if it is not too unhealthy, but others are! I miss exercising and eating well so much! I can't wait to feel better so that I can start eating salads and fruits again without having them hurt my throat! However, this morning when I went to brunch I got a plate of food, like I said it was a weird plate of food because many things hurt my throat. I got a hash brown, pear halves, and a slice of cheese pizza. Before I even sat down I had decided I was going to get up and get more food, but guess what? After I finished my first plate of food I listened to my body telling me that it was full, and I left the cafeteria after only one plate, and I am very proud of myself for that! Progress! Anyways, I am not writing for and update I am writing to talk to you all about weight loss criticism. This prompt stems from Losing Your First 10 Pounds (Your Pathway to Vitality) you can find it for sale on amazon! You can read it on your kindle but if you don't have a kindle you can read it on the computer like I do!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I feel like everyone who has ever been overweight has been criticized for it. I mean just look at Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian. While I might just be another normal human being I too have been criticized for my weight. However, unlike them the people who generally criticize me are my family. Mind you, I don't get too much criticism from them just because most of my family are heavy set people. I remember when I was younger my Grandmother on my fathers side said something to me about it and how I should be more careful about what I eat because it was going to catch up to me. I was completely shocked that she would say something like that to me, I mean she is my Grandmother! Sure her and my grandfather were both smaller people, but neither of her sons are small by any means! I learned the habits from him (my father), so how could she not expect me to gain wait, I was just a kid. She shouldn't have been talking to me she should have been talking to him! The only ever person who has ever really criticized me that I can remember right off would be my sister. She is pretty skinny for the most part. Well, more normal than skinny. It definitely bothers me because she can eat whatever she wants and doesn't really gain and weight. Me on the other hand if I see food I gain 5 pounds. I just thought of one more person to add to my list, and that's my mother. With her it can be different though because she doesn't really criticize me she just brags about how skinny she was when she was my age. She brought out a belt one day that she used to wear when she was my age, and that thing wouldn't even fit half of me. Just knowing that made me feel like dirt. Currently my mom and I are basically the same size. I might be a little smaller, but not much. When she was pregnant with me I made her really sick and she almost died. Now she has all kinds of different issues and is on a ton of medicine that makes it harder for her to lose weight. It doesn't help that we always have junk in the house. I am hoping that when I am home and on this journey that she will notice my healthy habits and will want to join me in the process, because I know it would help her health to be more healthy! I don't just want to save myself, I want to save my entire family. Even though my brother and sister are smaller people they could still use a makeover in the healthy food category! You can never be too healthy! My brother is very active playing soccer and in ROTC but my sister isn't the most active person in the world because she doesn't have the time. Maybe I'll be able to get her more active as well! But anyway, one thing that's different for me than for a lot of other people is that I feel like the person I was criticized the most by was myself. I mean, if you read my prompt 1 from this book then you know that I have been dogging myself about my weight for a very long time, I mean heck some of the time I was on myself about it I didn't even need to be! We definitely are our own worst critic! It's partly due to the generation that we were brought up in, I mean we watch movies full of people who are stick thin but who still look in the mirror and point out things about themselves that they need to fix. No one is ever content with how they look anymore, and it's honestly sad. However, I'm not doing this to be thin. I am doing this to be more healthy, so that I can live a long life and accomplish all of my goals, and trust me I have a lot of them ;) Several of them include being a teacher, being a writer, being a life coach, a Scentsy Brand Consultant (Hopefully will be starting that in December! :), a mom, a wife, and an amazing cook for my family. I need to start looking at myself in a more positive light, and being happy about where I am today and who I am today, and not who I will be 50lbs from now! I need to start practicing that self talk a lot more, and I have kind of been working on that. I find that my negative self talk comes out a lot when I am around my boyfriend, so now when I am around him and I say something negative I back up and say wait that wasn't positive, or something like that. I'm trying to adjust my thinking.
When people criticize me, or when I criticize myself it certainly does not make me feel good. It doesn't make me want to get up and work towards my goals. Instead it makes me feel bad, and it makes me want to eat everything in sight. I am definitely an emotional eater if you couldn't tell lol. It also makes me feel like I am not good enough to be a part of their life, I mean if they want me to change then they must not like me how I am, right? I think when they criticize me their intentions aren't meant to hurt me but instead to help me. I think they want better for me they just don't know how to say it in a more positive way. They should learn to take more consideration of my feelings though, because many of them don't understand what it's like, or how hurtful they really are being. If my best friend was being criticized for her weight or appearance I would tell her that she shouldn't be worried about what other people say about her, because they probably have their own insecurities anyway. You just have to prove to them that you are more than just a number, and you are more that what you look like. It is what is on the inside that counts.
On the subject of best friends, I don't even feel like I truly have a best friend. I have a lot of friends, but not ones that I hang out with all of the time, or that I would even want to. The two closest people I have to best friends are my mother, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I just want that one person who is somewhat close to my age to talk to and hang out with. I had a best friend all the elementary school and middle school named Ashley, but then when we got to high school we just kind of drifted apart because we were to very different people. Because of that I feel very alone a lot of the time. I hang out with people sometimes that I don't particularly like all that much most of the time its because they lie, or they are just plain mean people. But sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone else, and oh my gosh I can't stand the drama at this college! Hopefully when I transfer to Shepherd I will find myself a good best friend, who doesn't lie to me and who isn't mean and discouraging. Sorry that was kind of off topic lol.
If I took the above advice that I would give to my best friend I don't think I would be so self conscious about myself, and everything I do. I wouldn't let people get me down and instead I would live my life for me, and not feel like I was living in the eyes of other people constantly being judged for what I look like on the outside instead of on the inside.I would be focused on being the best version of myself possible.
In my family talking about negative emotions wasn't really frowned upon. My family had some major issues growing up, and from a young age I learned to speak my mind and how I felt because I knew that if I didn't do it then no one else would stick up for me. I've pretty much always spoken my mind when it comes to my family because they are the one group of people who have caused me the most heart break, and hurt in my life. Sad but true. Even though I let out my negative emotions it still resulted in lots of weight gain since I am an emotional eater and I felt very along a lot of the time. I turned to food for comfort when I felt that I didn't have anyone else. I used the food to stay strong. Everyone always tells me how much of a strong person I am, but I don't feel that. I feel that if I really was strong I wouldn't turn to food for support in my times of weakness and sadness. I think by really letting out how I feel and how I have felt for all of these years it might trigger something in me that will help with my weight loss. By just letting out everything that I have been through and letting go of it I won't have so much emotional baggage weighing me down on this journey.
Sorry, that blog was definitely all over the place, and I'm not sure if it even made any sense lol but I hope that you all have a fantastic weekend and that you start making strides towards your goals!