So, this week wasn't my finest. Got some fitness minutes in, but I didn't do so hot in the kitchen department. I would start out well and then lose momentum at dinner time. I've been trying to pick apart what happened this week.
Self Reflection of this week
My day off! I got on the treadmill for over an hour. I ate within my calorie range. My brother and his girlfriend came over and did all their soon to arrive son's clothes and their laundry. They looked for cribs and pack and plays online while they were here... they argued. they brought their dog. It was a LONG day.
Day 2-- My nutrition was not so great-- I didn't eat enough during the day, I skimped on breakfast, not even eating half of my food, I pushed lunch until way later in the day, only stopping long enough to heat up my homemade turkey burger, throw it on a napkin and get back to work... Then add in the emotions from the work day-- of being irritated and treated poorly by others... WELL... it didn't go to well. I reflected at the end of this day, thought I had it under control but...
Day 3-- woke up with a terrible headache, told my boss I wasn't coming in until later in the day, then got the headache under control and got some exercise in... when I got to work, I received an email from the night before that said on Thursday, I was going to be making a 2 1/2 hour drive for my supervisor, because he didn't want to go to some state meeting. I had to rearrange my entire Thursday. I had to undo my plans for the day. I was not a happy camper...
4th day: had to get up super early to be at the meeting on time. Breakfast & lunch provided, I tried to do well, then by lunch, just said, forget it and I ate the cheesecake-- I didn't eat the entire piece, and it was a small portion, but... did I really need it? I had to present to the entire ballroom, by microphone (my first microphone experience, mind you) about a project that I was not included in-- I had a page and half of notes with about 2 sentences about each topic. Talk about winging it... got home after dark, exhausted. Fiance ordered pizza at my suggestion (yup, I'm admitting I was the ring leader of the pizza idea) but I made salads to go along with it. I topped off my dreadful day with half a pint of Haagen Dazs...
Friday: I was grumpy and tired. Didn't get up on time. When I did get up, I fed the cats, scrambled to get ready, threw the rest of the pint of Haagen Dazs away and threw some yogurt, a turkey burger and a banana into my lunch bag and headed to work. Since I worked 3.5 hours over on Thursday, I stopped at Starbucks for a nonfat latte, since I was starving by the time I got there, I decided to get a breakfast sandwich. I came so close to ordering the bacon egg cheese bistro sandwich, but I ordered the spinach egg-white wrap instead. Got to work 20 minutes late. I didn't eat lunch until 3 p.m. and I only ate the turkey burger. By dinner time, well, let's just say it consisted of the drive thru. After dinner, the binging commenced. I couldn't get "satisfied"
And there in lies the issue, I started using food as my emotional buffer again. Trying to push down emotions with food. Searching the cabinets, the fridge for something to make it better. There is nothing in the fridge or the cabinet or the drive thru that is going to make the stress go away. One thing that certainly helps?! The treadmill or the pavement. Work off the emotion.
I am a diligent person. I have maxed out on my vacation leave several times, losing my leave. I have over 250 hours of sick leave, that I hardly use... I don't like to be late or go in late, but I did twice this week (note that we have flexible schedules, due to our work hours/emergencies/travel time, there is no issue with me coming in late/or calling in to say I'll be a few hours late, so long as someone is notified) It's obvious. The job is taking a huge toll on me. I have gained 30 pounds since I've been at this job. The job that was supposed to provide me a better opportunity, better conditions, a better life. But it didn't. I stress and stress about what will happen each week. Who I have to play defense against this week or that week. It's not the actual work-- it's the co-workers, my direct supervisor. It is time to move on. I thought I had a good thing lined up. I interviewed, got called back for a second interview and heard things from the hiring manager like, you can park the agency car xyz, you won't start until the 1oth or 15th of the month, I won't ever call you at 4 p.m. on a Friday and tell you we're removing 4 kids and you need to find somewhere for them to go... I thought I was certainly a top candidate. But a month later, I get a call that the office is incredibly busy, that they just wanted to give me an update that no decision has been made. I viewed this as positive as well; then that Friday I received a call, we wanted to hire two from the last selection process but the state said we couldn't, we have to repost for the other position, we'd like you to apply if you're still interested, but no decision has been made on the first posting either. Our office has been chaotic and we have so much going on, but we hope to make decisions soon. The new posting will only be open one week, please apply if you're interested. I did. The job closed a week ago. No word. I am one stressed out lady. I really want this job.
I know when I look back on this chapter of my journey, this week will just be a blip on the map, but right now, I'm so frustrated with myself. I do not want my emotions to rule me. I want to be in control. I want to be able to deal with the stressful job and conquer my emotions.
Time to conquer my emotions... without the sabotage of food.
What do you do as a remedy for stress? Working out is a big one for me; if I just use my healthy coping skills and not revert to bad habits.
Happy Sparkin' Saturday, All.