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Being off track is terrifyingly difficult!

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Friday, November 15, 2013

I fell off the wagon.

With my eating that is.

I took the wrong path and messed up most of the healthy habits I had fought for years to establish.

Why? Stress, hard times, overwhelming emotions. I let them take control of my meals and snacks. And they chose what I put in my mouth according to what they believed I needed. More carbs for comfort. More sweets to fight disappointment. More salty snacks to ease anxiety.

And this same pattern has been going on for months. In combination with a limited activity on Sparkpeople due to lack of free time.

And if youíre wondering what the scale has to say about this, well, itís noticed the changes. And it has responded accordingly. But thankfully, not with a big change to its number. The damage has been kept to a minimum thanks to the only one good habit that Iíve managed to maintain: Exercise. The endorphins serve as my antidepressants and I intend to keep on using them. Thatís one healthy habit that is here to stay. Maybe its form, duration and intensity change from time to time but itís not affected by the bumps on my life road.

This morning, as I do every morning, I checked my emails while having a cup of coffee. To my surprise, I found no notifications from SP. I was so disappointed! The Sparkworld had abandoned me! Really???
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Hold on. Let me give this a second thoughtÖ
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No. The ugly truth isÖ Iím the one who has abandoned SparkworldÖ

Together with my healthy eating habits, my maintenance mentality, my vigilance, my diligence, my battles for a strong and healthy version of myself. And I just took a look in the rear view mirror and realized what Iíve been doing to my life the past few months...

Iíve been making my life difficult.

Seriously. Being off track is really difficult if you think about it. And I donít mean itís difficult to happen. We all know thatís the easiest thing in the world. I mean its consequences are difficult. The results to our everyday life are difficult to manage.

Think about it. Isnít it difficult to feel bloated all day just because you couldnít say no to that bag of chips last night? Isnít it difficult to cope with the fatigue that comes after a super-energetic period that was caused by an extreme elevation in your blood sugar levels just because you couldnít resist trying all the available desserts? Isnít it difficult to dread the scale at your weekly weigh-in just because you know youíve stuffed yourself with tons of bad food? Isnít it difficult to be in a constant agony and fear that all the weight you fought so hard to lose is slowly and sneakily going to creep back on?

Terrifyingly difficult.

And if this all reminds you of the ďchoose your hardĒ way of thinking, thatís exactly what it is. Because saying no to the bag of chips is difficult, too. Choosing wisely among the available desserts is also hard. But theyíre moments. Moments of difficult decision-making, but able to make your everyday life so much easier! Difficult moments VS difficult life. Weíve got to choose our own difficult.

Itís about time I start making my life a different kind of difficult again.
The ďeasyĒ, healthy and strong kind of difficult.

Iím back, Sparkworld!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERRIJ7 4/25/2014 9:46AM

    Good counsel!

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LORIVIOLA 4/9/2014 8:17AM

    emoticon

i am off on my eating too. have been since last friday.
i am inspired by this blog to turn it around today.

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NASFKAB 12/19/2013 1:42PM

  thanks for sharing the true feelings we have all gone through this

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JOANNHUNT 12/8/2013 6:31PM

    WELCOME BACK TO THE REALITY THAT YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN AND THINGS GET IN THE WAY. KEEP POSITIVE AND MOVE ANEAD AND NOT BACKWARDS. YOU CAN DO IT.

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MRSRIGS1 12/5/2013 11:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLOOMINGLENA 11/28/2013 8:04AM

    I have been off track months now. I get the feeling. Good you are back. I have missed you and all sparkfriends, too. Love you.

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NICKYCRANE 11/26/2013 3:09AM

    Well done and welcome back! Congartulations on choosing exercise as antidepressant! Has the advantage also thatnit does not lead to weight gain!

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MJREIMERS 11/25/2013 8:52PM

    emoticon You are making a good decision! I'm looking forward to having you around more!

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EFFRAYECHILDE 11/25/2013 8:08PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SWEET_CAROLYN 11/25/2013 4:20PM

    I'm feeling this way this week too! Thank you for a beautiful post, a call to get up and make things right!

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LOGOULD 11/25/2013 3:02PM

    Thanks for this candid and honest blog - I love the "choose your difficult". Yes, it isn' always easy to eat clean and work in the fitness, but it is much more difficult to find something cute and attractive to wear in my closet when I don't. SO GLAD I got rid of the old clothes and got a newer, (even if they are mostly Goodwill) and cuter wardrobe.

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GRANDMABABA 11/24/2013 5:38PM

    I can so relate to nearly every point you make. Thanks for sharing!

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DRTOVAH 11/24/2013 12:25PM

  I totally get this!

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SKYVALLEYGAL 11/24/2013 11:23AM

    emoticon Welcome back! emoticon

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JENRAQTAY87 11/23/2013 8:52PM

    Welcome back!

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KIMBERLY_Y 11/22/2013 10:14PM

    Congratulations on choosing you! You are right on with your comments. Thank you for sharing your insights. I really appreciate it. Best wishes as you continue your journey toward health. And welcome back!
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-SHOREIDO- 11/22/2013 6:06PM

    Probably not a one of us (well maybe one) can't relate to this blog.

Thanks for the "balance" we all need now and then emoticon

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MEXGAL1 11/22/2013 5:19PM

    Love your blog. We have all been there and continue to have to "come back" from time to time.
But now we all know how to get back on track.
We can do this forever!

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EMARTIN1974 11/22/2013 5:46AM

    Welcome back! I'm looking forward to hearing more about your efforts to get back on track.

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MOONCHILD8 11/21/2013 9:18PM

    Thank you for writing about life being difficult. Yes, life can be difficult but you are so right that you can make it more difficult on yourself by not eating healthy. You can choose to take the time to make sure you have the healthy food and snacks for yourself to get through the difficult times. Best wishes, Linda from bean town

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IAMAGEMLOVER 11/21/2013 8:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYM48 11/21/2013 1:48PM

    Wow, I loved your blog and the message that you put out there. You are right, we must all pick our difficult. I am so glad to hear that you are back on the spark wagon and that you had kept up with your exercise. One day at a time, that is how we must look at this and we are always able to get back on track when we make up our minds to do so. It isn't always easy, but we can do it!
Thanks for sharing this awesome blog with us!
Way to go.


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SUPERMODEL2BE 11/21/2013 1:35PM

    emoticon

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FIFIFRIZZLE 11/21/2013 12:25PM

    That choose your hard message really resonates with me, too. We just need to get on with it.
Good job for getting on track again.

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PACKERMANN 11/21/2013 10:54AM

    good attitude!
thanks for your blog.

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FELINA 11/21/2013 10:41AM

    Great blog!
Your words describe me so closely. Been there done that, too many times. It's all about making those healthier decisions, one at a time.

Thank you!
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MIDROAD 11/21/2013 10:36AM

    You put into words so well what I sort of know intuitively.......thank you for your insight!

Namaste,
Jeannie

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NELLJONES 11/21/2013 9:28AM

    I have found over the long years that if I DON'T give in to the urge, no matter how difficult that moment is, it passes quickly. If I do give in, the urge keeps on going, combined with guilt and misery and an increased desire for more. Hard as that moment is, it's just a moment and it DOES pass. Have faith!

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CELIAMINER 11/21/2013 6:41AM

    Ouch! Two-by-four between the eyes. Needed this.

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CRUISEBOUND2014 11/21/2013 5:08AM

    Awesome Blog! I never thought maintaining was going to be just as difficult as losing until I actually got there. We just have to stick to our healthy habits of tracking, exercise and plenty of water!

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LPRUNWALK 11/21/2013 12:25AM

    Oh my gosh I really needed to read this blog today. Thank you! And congratulations for re-dedicating yourself to SP and to your health. emoticon

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REGILIEH 11/21/2013 12:06AM

    emoticon

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SUSIEMT 11/20/2013 11:27PM

    Glad to have you back on board! The hardest part is done! Admitting our faults is very humbling! You can do it!

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SPARKLINGME176 11/20/2013 10:52PM

    I'm glad you are back, too! I just wrote a blog, today about emotional eating, too! But seriously.... for me it is only 1 day. I am back to myself, NOW! I had 7 hours of fog, NOW doing better! Thanks for this blog! We ALL help each other!

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VTRICIA 11/20/2013 10:31PM

    "Choose your hard." That is awesome! Welcome back! I've let life get in the way of sparking and cardio, though I'm still keeping eating and doing strength, but it is playing with fire to go solo!

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LESLIESENIOR 11/20/2013 9:50PM

    I love the self evaluation and the responsibility you taken as you re-set your goals and priorities. This is all we can ask of ourselves as life happens with all its ups and downs.
Sending you best wishes for continued success!!!!!

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MANDELOVICH 11/20/2013 9:16PM

    I loved reading your blog today. My husband died and my binging has been so bad. And it's SO HARD to binge! Much harder than a few moments of discomfort choosing not to binge. I've been dealing with the ramifications all day. And though that in the moment decision not to binge feels difficult, when I let it pass, I'm soooo happy and feel amazing. That is much easier than the 24 hours of digestive hell I've been going through. Thank you for spotlighting this blog today!!

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MOMMY445 11/20/2013 9:02PM

    hang in there! you are definitely not alone in this! you can do this! you are worth it!

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KELLIEBEAN 11/20/2013 8:57PM

    Sorry you have gone through a rough patch. I'm very glad you are back on the right path!

Excellent blog. So very true. I'm glad your shared the feelings that we all have shared a time or two or five or six!

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Always good to see you!

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_LINDA 11/20/2013 8:45PM

    emoticon
So sorry you have been through some rough times:(( When all else fails, exercise is truly the drug of choice. Nothing beats the feeling. Not the sweets, not the salty, not the carbs. I get lost in a load of physical activity when I am down to boost me back up too.
Here is to getting back on track and being all you can be. Your Spark friends never went away. They were patiently awaiting your return because they have faith in you.
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MAREE1953 11/20/2013 8:25PM

    Yes!!! emoticon

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JANCARD 11/20/2013 8:12PM

    Great blog. So true that being off track leaves you feeling lousy---especially once you realize how great your body feels when you are eating healthy. Glad to hear you continued the exercise in spite of life's demands and hope you have been successful in getting the rest on track now too. Best, -jan

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WATERMELLEN 11/20/2013 7:46PM

    Terrific blog . . . so great that you've chosen the right kind of hard.

(And: sorry that you've been in a tough place).

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ONEKIDSMOM 11/20/2013 7:39PM

    Good choice. Welcome back!

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GEORGE815 11/20/2013 5:56PM

    I agree its tough!

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MAUREENREDUX 11/20/2013 8:44AM

    I pulled myself back onto the wagon this week--let's keep going!

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MICKEYH 11/20/2013 12:03AM

    I fell off wagon too. But we can do it. Get back on the wagon. One step at a time.
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REBECCATKD 11/19/2013 9:31PM

    I love this blog! Yes, it was time to write it out.

From one "naughty" girl to another, it's time to leave the difficult life behind. Get up, get moving, get tracking, get healthy. Heck yeah, we can do this!!

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MOTHEPRO 11/18/2013 5:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 11/18/2013 1:20PM

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