Thursday, November 14, 2013
Today I just feel sad. It's a combination of things and is triggered by my father having health issues. Yesterday the pick (not sure how that is spelled) thing in his arm delivering antibotics right into his blood for the blood infection moved. They did an xray at the rehab nursing home to see if it moved out of place and could not be used. If they could not use that one then they would need to put another one it. Well the xray didn't come back as clear as they needed it to be so today he had to go to the hospital and have them do it. However when they did do the xray at the rehab they discovered he has pneumonia. Ugh! This all makes me sad. Sad for him to have to go through this. Sad because he is 80 years old and...well maybe not so much sad but afraid that something might happen to him. I know it is inevitable but still...not yet, not yet. I have been holding in the tears ever since he went into the hospital but I am close to just letting go of the flood gates.
Of course I had to read about someone writing a book about overcoming obstacles in her life and one of them was failed adoptions. This brought back all the thoughts and feelings of my few miscarriages and a husband who did not even want to consider adopting. I always wanted kids and this will hurt me for the rest of my life. So much that sometimes I get so depressed about this and the big hole in my heart that will never heal.
And then I just read a blog that in the middle out of no where started talking about animal abuse and I just about lost it. My dogs are my babies and I can never imagine anyone hurting them or any animal for that matter.
Note to self - No more reading for today.
So today I am sad and trying hard not to open that frig and eat away the sadness. But I know doing that will cause more sadness tomorrow because I want to lose this weight. I just need to get through this sad day and keep my chin up. Tomorrow is another day.