Still out of "sorts"
Thursday, November 14, 2013
I haven't blogged since last Tuesday and I also haven't "recorded" my weight in a couple of weeks. I know I've gained more, but I just don't want to admit how much!
I'm still "out of sorts". I was thinking menopause (or peri-menopause) wasn't too bad because all I've been experiencing is some night sweats and hot flashes, but lately I've had bouts of "depression" (which is very unusual for me).
Last week I even missed a day of work (in 6 years at this job, I've only taken 2 sick days for myself!). Granted, I didn't get much sleep that night (see previous blog about night sweats and elderly dog), but I would normally just "suck it up", get up, get the kids off to school and head to work. I just didn't feel like it, so I stayed home for a "mental health" day! I also ate a bunch of junk that day!
Yesterday I was eating lunch at work and was looking at the new website for DD#2's basketball team. As I blogged before, she's pretty disappointed with basketball and it's really not getting better. She didn't make the varsity squad and she is feeling "overlooked" and discouraged right now. There's a Freshman (DD#2 is a Sophomore) who has been practicing with varsity (who plays DD#2's position), so now she feels she doesn't have a "shot" for varsity next year. Of course she maintains her good attitude, works hard at practice and continues to work hard on her own, but she does express her disappointment to me.
Anyway, while I'm looking at the varsity roster and saw this girl's name on the team instead of DD#2, I just burst out in tears and sobbed for a couple of minutes (good thing I'm here by myself)! Seriously!? If I told DH or DD#2 about this, they would be mortified, so I kept it to myself. I know this is probably a symptom of menopause, but it makes me feel ridiculous.
I also haven't been running (or exercising). I was going to get a pass at the rec. center that would allow me access to the track, gym and fitness classes (but not the weight & cardio room). After looking at the class schedules for the next couple of months, I realized I wouldn't be able to get to many of them, so I just got the pass for the gym/indoor track.
I ran with DH & DD#2 on the outside track on Sunday evening and haven't done anything since. Monday was DD#2's volleyball banquet (she earned a varsity letter in volleyball, so that made her feel good - she also has an academic letter, a multi-sport letter and she'll get an athletic scholar award! So now we have to get her a letter jacket.)
I was going to run Tuesday after work, but my sister was at my parent's house (they live next door) with my great-nephew, so I visited with them for a while. By then it was dark (and getting really cold), so I made turkey meatloaf instead and hung out with DD#3.
Yesterday I had a major driving kids around evening (thank goodness DD#1 drives herself to work now). I had about an hour "window of opportunity" to do something, but I laid around and felt sorry for myself instead!
Tonight is DD#2's first basketball game. I'm feeling really anxious because she said last night that 4 of the girls that are on the varsity team will also play with JV, so that might decrease her playing time. Keep in mind that when DD#2 tells me this type of stuff, she's mainly just answering all of my numerous questions and really isn't complaining - but now I've worked myself up into another "frenzy" because I think she's going to be disappointed. Also keep in mind that although I've always been somewhat of a "worrier", it's never been this bad!
If menopause is going to cause me to continue to "fret" like this (I can list a lot of other examples that don't just involve DD#2's sports, but this seems to be bothering me the most right now), I need to find a better way of handling it instead of bursting out in tears at my desk or eating candy and junk! Exercise comes to mind!
On another note, I did make all of my follow-up doctor's appointments - mammogram, bone density screening and the dreaded colonoscopy! No wonder people put this one off - I had my consultation yesterday and scheduled it for mid-December and can I just say "Yucky"! I am not looking forward to this!
I also have a follow-up with my PCP to discuss my high cholesterol. It is "borderline" high, but she wanted to have a follow-up. So, we'll see what comes of that - I'm going to tell her about my low carb eating and all the eggs and maybe we can check it again.
So November is halfway over and I haven't been really sticking to my goals. I know I need to weigh myself and get an idea of where I stand. I really hate to think I'm going to start the year having to loose 11 lbs, again, but it looks like that will be the case.
Pardon the ramblings of a crazy lady! I just needed to get all of this off my chest so I can get back on track!