Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    CARMRUN   13,862
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints

My Turning Point

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Thank you Kim for inspiring me to post this.

April 10, 2013. My turning point was weighing my 11 year old daughter and measuring her waist. I was shocked. I wanted to cry, but I could not let her see me break down. I had to change to she would hopefully see a difference in me. Her waist was almost the same measurement as my own and I'm an adult. I started on a mission to do a complete 360 in my life. I still have a really hard time motivating the family, but I start each day on my knees praying for this family and for God to give me the strength to keep going.

Last night (I am positive this was God) I was led to a sparkteam, which led me to another website, which ........ I know I have to be honest here and share with all my friends that I've struggled with a rum love addiction for 30+ years. I've done a great job at hiding this from everyone around me in real life. Yes, I'm worried what other people think of me. This is something that I would not even bring up in church. I envision everyone staring at me and saying "Oh my, she's a Christian, reads the Bible, Loves the Lord and she drinks! What a hypocrite! A shame."

This was extremely hard for me to share, but God knows my heart and my desires. I talk to him about it everyday and I believe I will be delivered in His time. April 10, 2013 was my turning point. I did quit drinking, and I thought I was delivered. June 24, 2013, I went on vacation to meet a group of people I did not know. Long story short, I was nervous, scared, I thought I needed a drink to relax and be me! When I came back from vacation, that was that. Just taking all this one day at a time! Today is a new day.

For the friends I've made on here so far, I'm sorry if I've disappointed you and that I've kept this secret. I have to come clean for me! I truly believe I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.

So, last night I started to share my story to get some things out on a blog other than Spark. If you are interested, sparkmail me and I'll share that web address with you. I'm just not ready to post it to just anyone, ONLY those who truly care.


Carmen (Carm)


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JENIFERKAYE1 11/20/2013 11:33AM

    God's house is for the sick, not the well. And we all are sick in some way, and need Jesus! If it weren't so we wouldn't need or appreciate his goodness. No worries about sharing things, there are people out there that would judge, but guess what? Those people need Jesus too! We all need Jesus, we have all sinned and fallen short of the grace of God. I will pray for you to prosper in your soul as well as your body. I need that pray too! There's so many things that people who love God do, and would never admit to. You are not alone!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHELLS514 11/15/2013 7:05PM

    We ALL have something we are not particularly proud of, NONE of us are perfect. But Jesus loves us and your spark friends love and admire you for your honesty and open-ness. You are WONDERFUL, don't ever forget that! I care and am here for you. I will be keeping your in prayer.
Love and Hugs,

Report Inappropriate Comment
GREEN-EYED-LADY 11/15/2013 6:46PM

    I'm a Christian and addicted to alcohol also. Last week I bought a bracelet that reads "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." like you wrote. I haven't had a drink since I put it on my wrist - that's 8 days alcohol-free! It reminds me that I can't stop at one - so don't even start. The only way I can resist alcohol is with the help of God. I'm going to add you as a Sparkfriend. Please add me too. Together we can support each other. We can be free of this hold that alcohol has over us. God Bless you, Valerie

Report Inappropriate Comment
IAMBIZI 11/14/2013 10:58PM

    wanted to make sure that I follow you. sorry for the repeated post!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IAMBIZI 11/14/2013 10:57PM

    forgot to say good luck!
bizi emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IAMBIZI 11/14/2013 10:56PM

    hi just wanted to say hello and you are brave to put it all out there. you have a lot of support here at spark people, let us know how we can help!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIM22211 11/14/2013 10:06PM

    you know we all care so much about you and each other on our team! I couldnt do this without you! Quit beating yourself up!!1 nobody is here to judge you!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
AVANELL 11/14/2013 9:59PM

    Carmen, there's not a one of us here that lives a perfect life. The only one who did was Jesus. And He said that they would know we are His disciples by our love for one another. You have a great support group here. I've read the comments that have been voiced here and know that people care for you. God's delivering power is available to you right now. He doesn't want you to go another day struggling with an addiction that He died to set you free from. If you will sincerely give it to Him He will take that load from you and give you His peace and strength to overcome. His power is real and you will experience the freedom you want when you depend on Him.

God bless you! May you find the healing and freedom that you desire in Christ Jesus!


Report Inappropriate Comment
JOYCRN 11/14/2013 5:06PM

    "If we say that we have no sin, the truth is not in us"' we are setting ourselves up for judgement rather than mercy if we aren't honest before God. You have taken a wise first step in admitting there is a problem and now, just like with all the other recommendations on Sparkpeople, you need to take it one step or minute at a time. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SEVERINA418 11/14/2013 4:45PM

    Sounds like we're all coming clean the past few days. Good for you! And, of course, after my blog, you know I could never judge you! ((HUGS))


Report Inappropriate Comment
WEDDWT 11/14/2013 3:54PM

    When you wrote "I need support" on today's huddle, I came over to offer support, not knowing you or what you would reveal. We are in a position of humility to listen to your admission and to receive it with grace. If this is something you've previously hidden, I hope just saying it out loud will give you a feeling of liberation and that you don't have to use your energy another day to think anyone would love you less if they knew the truth. Proud of you for taking the first step emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
REBELBLITZ 11/14/2013 3:12PM

    One day at a time, Carmen. You will succeed with the help of god.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Hi, I just read your blog this morning, and I know you read mine yesterday - thanks for your comments. I have another SP friend who is going AF (alcohol free) and reading her blogs encouraged me to really be honest with myself and before God. I do believe that He is wanting us cleansed of this so He can use us in bigger ways. If that is not a motivator to come clean I don't know what is! LOL I am so inspired by your brutal honesty - it was very brave to post and please know that you are not alone - there are many of us out there - now we've just got to find the rest of them that are hiding a secret and bring them to know the Lord, I believe via the HH team. There is a new 'addiction' link been established in the team so this is a place we can share out testimony - welcome to the road of recovery Sister!

Report Inappropriate Comment
IGNITEME101 11/14/2013 2:04PM

    I would love to have the address! Praise GOD!! He is setting you free as you open and bring the darkness into His light!


Report Inappropriate Comment
ONTHEPATH2 11/14/2013 1:50PM

    Oh sweetie - you are so brave! When we bring our secrets out into the light, they lose their power over us. When we share them with others, we often find a network of people to support us. Stripping away the shame and guilt allows us to hold our heads up. People do recover! I know, I am recovering on a daily basis. Hugs! One day, one decision at a time! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/14/2013 1:51:37 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHANGEOLA 11/14/2013 12:25PM

    I will make this short because so many others here have done a great job of voicing support. We can't and won't judge you because we all fall short. Some are addicted to drink, gambling and here on spark a lot of us are food addicts. Carmen you are exactly the kind of person Jesus hung with, remember that. Your honesty makes you brave and how could we not admire that. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
A_SIZE6 11/14/2013 12:15PM

    I to will not judge someone either. thank you for your willingness to share your feelings. everyone has their own addiction problems me I am addicted to sugar and bagels. I have a problem with both things. I can relate to the not feeling support in churches. I lived in those kinds of churches in 37 years of my life. I do have a supportive church now and family. there are times when you feel by yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
INNERJETTIC 11/14/2013 11:56AM

    Oh it breaks my heart that you feel you cannot find support in church. This is just one reason why I have come out of the church system. You have a struggle. Your desire to break free and struggle is evidence that you are not in agreement with this addiction. To be honest and authentic is a brave thing to do and it gives others permission to do the same. For those who judge . . . listen, they have the sin of pride, and they need to be loved too. I'd be honored to sign up for your blog. Much love to you, dear sister. emoticon Continue to be honest and please let me know how I can help or pray for you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THINANDFITEMILY 11/14/2013 11:38AM

    You realized you were in a trap and now you are getting out of it! emoticon
Forget about the guilt or any kind of shame
We all have faults- I can't quote the bible as I am an atheist but I have great respect for your belief and hope that and your blogging will keep you free and on the path to a happy and healthy life! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEISTHEANSWER 11/14/2013 11:03AM

    First, I want to say I love you my friend and sister in Christ. I would never judge anyone. God knows our weaknesses and cares enough to provide his wisdom and his Strength to overcome.
I think you are a very courageous woman to share as well as two others from our team. Did you ever think about asking the other two to be accountability partners to one another?
I am praying for you and will share this burden with you as well as your other Christian friends.

Love your honesty and openness.

Report Inappropriate Comment
EMILY0724 11/14/2013 10:52AM

    EVERYONE has something they don't share with others--because of shame and guilt. The first step in overcoming something is to acknowledge it. Telling others is very hard. You have made a HUGE step in overcoming. Sharing yourself with others is scary--really scary. We find out who our friends are. I don't know you, but I know many people just like you--myself included. You have strength and determination. You can do anything! Blessings to you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BAMAJAM 11/14/2013 10:30AM

  Hi Carmen--

We are members of this team to find support, to find encouragement, and above all, to be united by the all powerful, all redeeming love of God. Through the abundant grace of God, we can gain strength to overcome weakness---- God's grace is our strength, if we take all our concerns to HIM. We are sisters in Christ, and I wish you success in overcoming difficulties, Carmen. This team experiences many challenges in daily living, and together we share our burdens. God's grace is our HOPE for solutions. Bless you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAPECODBABE 11/14/2013 10:12AM

    Honesty is freeing, and I know you aren't alone. I wonder how many people are reading this thinking "that's me" but won't admit it out loud.

Haven't I read there is a lot of alcoholism in the church with priests and nuns, etc?

Stay strong and lean on your spark friends, and take care of that beautiful little girl!
emoticon on your honesty emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUEPERWOMAN 11/14/2013 10:04AM

I love you, honey, and hold NO judgment over you!! I appreciate your share, though.

You are doing great, and what a role model you are being, too.

It's all good, and it's all God.

Love, Ginger

Report Inappropriate Comment
GODSCHILDAMYB 11/14/2013 9:54AM

    Carmen, I would never look down my nose at you. I love you so dearly. Yesterday two other dear sweet sisters of ours confessed their addiction to alcohol. HABITATVITALITY, and Teresa (SEVERINA418). Yea, amazing isn't it? I wonder how many others there are. I told both of them yesterday that I still love them and that God is our deliver. No, I don't drink. But I am not a stranger to alcohol. Maybe once or twice every three or so years I will have a couple wine coolers with low alcohol content. So I more or less is a 'tea totaller' . Carmen, you said that you know you will be delivered in God's time, well it must be now because it wouldn't be on your heart if it wasn't . I am in complete agreement with you my dear friend and I am giving you a great big healthy hug. Is this the reason why that you felt that you couldn't join the leader board? You know, it is so wonderful that God's grace and mercy looks beyond our human faults. I need to remember that when I am chewing my husband out for taking one or two to many pills. The difference is that He doesn't completely dedicate and rely on God even though he is saved. That is between him and God anyway. Carmen, your love for God exceeds your taste for alcohol, right? I believe it does. Trust in the Father sis and thank Him everyday for your deliverance and do not doubt but be patient in Him. You can do this, I know you can because God says so!!
Love in Christ sis, Amy

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOSE4LIFE47 11/14/2013 9:16AM

    emoticon I don't know you but you took the 1st step by admitting your faults. God knows all our struggles.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FIRECOM 11/14/2013 9:15AM

    Godspeed, my friend. Often difficult but trusting in the Lord is ALWAYS a good idea.

Your honesty is most refreshing.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Other Entries by CARMRUN