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    ERINLINDSAY83   75,176
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My Ex's Happiness...

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Yesterday, my sister told me that my ex-husband just proposed to his girlfriend. I was overcome with peace and happiness. Perhaps not everyone's first reaction, but I have my reasons.

Let's backtrack. I met T when we were juniors in highschool. We were immediately inseparable. We spent as much time together as school and jobs would allow. We moved in together after highschool and during college we got engaged (though throughout this whole time, I knew he had never really wanted to marry. But I did. And what I said was what mattered.)

I took advantage (not necessarily intentionally) of the fact that back then, I was hot and smart and he was not much of a looker nor was he "doing anything" with his life. (I definitely do NOT mean that as harshly as it sounds, yikes! I sound like a snotty b*&%^). But he felt that way and so I knew I could get my way with most things.

We had a few second thoughts before the wedding, but were afraid of "wasting" all my parents' money that they had paid so far for the wedding. We figured that after 5 years of dating, we were bound to have fights and disagreements, etc. We got married anyways, though truthfully we never should have. I was a terrible person. Genuinely. He had no idea that I'd been "stepping out" the whole relationship with other guys. (Man, typing this for all the world to see is hard. But I can do it because I am no longer that person. But wow....this is not easy.)

After only a few months of marriage, and me seeing yet another guy (that he had no idea about), he moved out. We never really talked about divorce, but he must have found out about the affairs and sent me divorce papers. It hurt, but the process was easy enough for me because I wasn't alone.

It ripped him to shreds. (It's been 7 years, and the pain I caused him is still too much, tears streaming down my face as I type this now.) I did feel bad, but I had this new guy to help me through it (...who turned out to be the worst thing that ever happened to me. Physically and emotionally abusive in the worst ways. But I always considered that my "punishment" for what I'd done to my ex.)

I apologized to T after time could heal the wounds a bit (a year or two.) Sincerely apologized. He sincerely (I think) accepted my apology, and moved on. I never felt better though, about what I'd done to him. I cannot imagine the amount of pain I caused him.

Fast-forward to now and I find out he proposed. It makes me feel like he's ok. Like he has healed. I had for so long thought that I had "ruined" his heart and any chance of him trusting anyone else enough for marriage. (Maybe that's just pride in thinking that I have that much power over him,...*shrug*)

So, selfishly, to hear that he is happy, is such a blessing to me as well. It will help me finally forgive myself. I know I am not that person anymore. Not even remotely close.... but it has been so hard to try to forgive myself. But now, I think i finally can.

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BAREFITNESS 11/16/2013 8:35PM

    Lol, I agree with Patty on this one. I eloped with my on again/off again high school boyfriend....it was rocky then, so don't have a good reason for getting married~other than thought would never find anyone, this was it. He basically wanted to get married for the extra pay he gets to support a "spouse" in the Navy....as an Army brat, moving would not be something new. I would benefit too....except, he couldn't even keep it in his pants during his first deployment in our marriage.

I might not be where I am today without experiencing it~and believe I am the lucky one....have been in the best relationship with my first "teenage crush" for over 13 years. What did he (my ex) get? The "girl" he cheated with, had also cheated with another married man, tried to "trap" him but he talked her into a "different choice"....she's pregnant with their 1st before our divorce was final. They are still married, although seem to be happiest when he's drunk and deployed....and she's drunk and enjoying her freedom to be in "lesbian relationships" because SHE is bisexual. I haven't nothing against anyone's sexual orientation....it just doesn't seem like to me, that they are "happily" married.

I'm glad your ex found the healing and peace to move on over a bad breakup....and glad you found happiness too~being grateful for the relationship you now have emoticon

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MANDIETERRIER1 11/15/2013 1:13PM

    Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable.

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MAMAJAHMAI 11/14/2013 5:44PM

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LOVELYBANDIT 11/14/2013 12:48PM

    Glad you've grown and glad that he has too :)

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JANTHEBLONDE 11/14/2013 12:04PM

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PATTYKLAVER 11/14/2013 7:44AM

    The things that we learn the hard way...! I'm glad he's happy now. I am hoping that you are, too!

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SHOAPIE 11/13/2013 8:53PM

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SILVER1369 11/13/2013 6:52PM

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