Wednesday 11-13-2013 Assortment
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
A man died and his three closest friends, Mark, Steve, and Dan, were looking at his body in the coffin.
Mark said, “He was such a good friend. I don’t want him to go to heaven empty-handed.” Then he threw $200 in 20-dollar bills into the coffin.
Steve said, “I agree, so I’ll match that,” and he also threw $200 into the coffin.
Then Dan said, “You guys are so cheap! I’m ashamed of you both. I’m going to give him $1,000!” Dan then wrote a check for $1,400, threw it in the coffin, and took the $400 in bills.
During weekly visits to my allergist, I've noticed a lot of inattentive parents with ill-behaved children in the waiting room.
So I was impressed one day to see a mother with her little boy, helping him sound out the words on a sign.
Finally he mastered it and his mother cheered, "That's great! Now sit there. I'll be back in 15 minutes."
What did the sign say? "Children must not be left unattended."
Which two bodies of water are linked by Europe’s Kiel Canal?
The North Sea and the Baltic. The busy 61-mile-long canal cuts across northern Germany, saving ships a long detour around Denmark’s Jutland Peninsula.
DANGER TEAM (1991)
A ball of space goop crash-lands in a sculptor’s studio. Naturally, he molds the goop into three figurines. The figurines come to life, but only the artist can see them. The artist and the goop men team up to fight crime.
AMERICA 2100 (1979)
Two stand-up comedians are accidentally put into suspended animation. They awake at the dawn of the 22nd century to find the world run by a supercomputer with the voice and old jokes of fellow comedian Sid Caesar.
Highest-grossing film based on a TV show: 2009’s Star Trek, which earned $257 million.