Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Whoa, it's been so long since I've logged on.
Tracking using the WW app is going great. I'd say I've tracked about 99.9% of what I've eaten over the last 5 weeks. I'm down 5.5 pounds as of last week, and will weigh in again tomorrow. I'm trying not to obsess over how much I'm losing, as long as I'm not gaining. Every bit lost is that much closer to my goal weight.
I've started seeing a therapist. After getting back more fertility testing and getting completely normal results, I've decided maybe, just maybe *cringe* I'm the reason I keep miscarrying. Maybe I want it too much. I know I avoid people like the plague if I think they are trying to get pregnant or if they are pregnant. I haven't been on FB in forever. I don't know. Fertility testing keeps coming back normal, I've been pregnant 3 times...eventually a baby will freaking stick, right??? I need this therapy. I need to talk about my fears and learn to cope with the possibility of failure. But what is failure? I'll be a mother, whether it's my own, or whether I end up having no choice but to adopt. I WILL BE A MOTHER. I just need somebody to talk to. DH gets it, but he just has such different coping mechanisms. I need to talk about things. A lot. He doesn't. Anyway, we had our first session 2 weeks ago and I go back tomorrow. So far, so good.
Work is ok. I've had a rough few weeks of really bizarre, rough cases. I had one lady get really angry and scream at me on the phone and that was tough. I was third veterinarian she had visited for her dog's diarrhea that had been going on for 2 weeks. They declined my recommendations and opted for medical management, so I sent them home with some probiotics and said if it isn't improving in 2 days, we have to do more testing. Ok. They were happy. 4 hours after they left, the owner called me screaming. Her dog didn't like the probiotic. She tried it on MANY different foods. Now her 1-month supply is out (in FOUR hours). How dare I give her something her dog won't eat. She screamed at me for 40 minutes. I should have ended that conversation about 35 minutes earlier, but that's a lesson learned, I guess. It really got to me though. She was asking me what kind of doctor do I think I am, that I'm an idiot, that I'm stupid. It was HORRIBLE. I lost a lot of sleep over it and lost my confidence. I'm just now starting to feel better, and that was 2 weeks ago. See, this is why I need therapy. I let things weigh on me for far too long.
Zvika's job. UGH. New deadline: Dec. 20, instead of Nov. 15. UGH. UGH. UGH. But, he finally got the details ironed out and it will be worth it.
New goal for the week: log in to SP at least once every day, read blogs, comment, get involved! I can't let myself lose my momentum. I just don't always feel like being online.