Monday, November 11, 2013
As previously mentioned, last summer I ran (shuffled really, but let's not get bogged down in details) my first 5K. I'm disproportionately proud of this feat so I bring it up casually in conversation whenever I can.
"I heard she's having a baby! Also I ran a 5K 2 months ago!"
"Did you see what that woman is wearing? You could never wear that to the 5K I ran 2 months ago."
"Keep the change, do you know what really changed? Me! When I ran a 5K 2 months ago."
You get the picture. I briefly thought about scrapbooking or framing my race number, but figured that would be a bit ostentatious. I'll probably just have it gold plated and sent the president or something. "Hey Mr. Prez. Remember in middle school when I got some ridiculously long time on my mile in the Presidential Fitness Test and my number was only that low because I lied and said I did 4 laps when I only did 3 because I could only run for like 2 minutes at a time? Well...times have changed sir."
For the record President Obama wasn't in office when I was in middle school, but I'm sure all of the presidents are briefed on all children's scores on those tests as they're taking office.
All of that to say, it is so easy to get out of shape. I promised myself I'd do my best to get 10 minutes of exercise in most days and, because the middle schoolers whose track I trained on during the summer have stubbornly decided to return to school and take up their extracurricular activities, I'm currently without a track and my neighborhood isn't good for running/walking/leaving the house unattended for extended periods of time and I'm way too lazy to go to the park in the drizzly weather, I've decided to turn the living room of my apartment into a makeshift exercise area/dance studio/humiliation factory.
I tried Zumba cold turkey and just sort of looked up some videos on youtube. I don't know if you've ever had that dream where you go to school and you aren't wearing pants and it's the day you're supposed to give that big presentation on the pre WWI economy and it's effect on current automobile styles and, by sheer coincidence, it's the day that your classroom is being monitored for quality assurance by Joey Fatone of *NSYNC fame and you didn't even know you were supposed to give a presentation today and this is math class anyway so your presentation is on a weird topic and the person giving a speech directly before you is none other than John F Kennedy himself, but if you have then you get an idea of how unprepared I was for Zumba dancing in my living room in my pajamas while my husband played Minecraft on the couch.
Since I'm not about to give you a visual representation of what it was like, I'll give you the radio drama version and give you some of my audio highlights:
"Wait...what is she doing?"
"Oh, we're going that way now? No...wait."
"Promise me you aren't looking at my butt."
"Promise me you aren't looking at me!"
"What do the hand motions mean? Should I learn those?"
"Am i required to jump because I don't want the neighbors to think I"m being murdered."
"How did I run 3 miles and now I can't do a salsa?"
"Maybe I should've put on a sports bra."
"Stop looking at me!"
"How do they change directions so quickly?"
"I like this song."
"Why is the water always gone?"
You get the idea. I think it was the hit cartoon Adventure Time which said the quote I'm about to mangle because I'm too lazy to look it up: "The first step to being good at something is being kind of terrible at something."
Well my friends, I'm off to a good start.
(On a side note, spell check doesn't know the word "Obama" I guess the real question is, why does spell check hate America?)