Sunday, November 10, 2013
Yes, I love that quotation from Madame Bovary. How well Flaubert knew that the limitations of language make our most deeply felt emotions and most plaintive moments seem trivial.
Spark People is a place where we come and if we are trying to work the program we reveal ourselves. We come to the community, naked, as it were, shorn of our protective clothing of adiposity and stand here and say "Please accept me. As I am. As I want to be. As I really see myself. As something more than a bucket of lard. As something more than just another generic fat person."
And it takes a lot of courage to do that; to strip ourselves bare of defense mechanisms and to be honest and brave and true to oneself. And language does not always provide us with the true gauge of our deepest emotions.
For many people---for me, certainly--this is the only place that I try sincerely to be myself in a public forum. Sometimes I resort to wise-cracking and sometimes I hide behind my typical veneer of cynicism. Sometimes I stop being supercilious and you get the sheer naked emotional me--the large weeping baby who can only stand here in her 200 pounds of heft with her Howdy-Doody wrinkles and the bags under her eyes and the greying hair who feels so afraid of death, of life, of being judged, of being rejected. Of not being good enough.
I suspect I am not the only person who gets frustrated and cries at the gap between what I perceive of as my keen emotional sensitivity and the clumsy bear pounding away at the old tin kettle when she would like to bring you to tears of sympathy.
And you know what? How often have you brought me to tears of sympathy and compassion and generosity? More than you know. This place is humanity undressed and we should tread softly and carefully amongst each other.