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I am Jealous

Sunday, November 10, 2013

My sister in law, who was my partner in weight loss failure for YEARS, got lapband surgery. I was against it, gently told her why and then supported her decision. I understand why she wanted to do it. She weighed more than me, has unsuccessfully been on every weight loss plan and diet (except for spark people) and never could lose or keep off any significant weigh.

I get that. We ALL get that. she eats a cup of food 3 times a day. There are many things she cannot have like bread, ric etc. This is her life now. I would not like to live that way. If I did eat like that, I would be skinny too! but food brings me joy, it s ritualistic, it is Friday night dates, and thanksgiving day, and birthday cake. It is tradition and love and rewards. Yes, I know this is why I'm overweight because I look at food that way, but I don't think I am alone in that.

But I AM jealous. She just posted a picture and in 3 months, she is down 5 sizes and over 60 pounds. She looks and feels great. She is proud and active and enjoying buying clothes.

Do I agree with her choice to have surgery? No.
Am I happy for her? Yes
Am I jealous that in another few months she will be done and I will still be fat and fighting whether to have chips with lunch? Hell Yea!

And I'm mad about it because I UNDERSTaND that Lapband is not the right choice for me but right about now, I sure am wishing it was.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog. Very honest and I agree with you 100%. I was be jealous as hell but know at the same time that it would not the right decision for me. I hate to say for her, I think things come full circle. You WILL have your time. I hope she remains happy and healthy but I have much more faith in your route.
    1553 days ago
  • DAISY443
    You know what is best for you! Being thinner is not the ONLY thing in life, being HAPPY and HEALTHY are the important things in life!

    So, there!
    1584 days ago
    I'm so with you on this. I'm jealous too, but happy for her. Now, back to us. LOL

    We're in the same boat. Keep paddling. We'll get there.

    1585 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    Oh, Jan, I feel for you. I totally understand the jealousy. I don't know anyone who has undergone weight loss surgery but I know people who "temporarily" got fat, and have now moved beyond that phase, and have their weight at a normal point, once again, while I just stay in the fat phase. One thing that jumped out at me, from your blog, is where you wrote "she will be done". I don't think she will be. I hope your s.i.l. is successful at keeping the weight off, but I don't think her battle is over. Surgery does not alter the place in our brains that craves the instant hit of pleasure that food provides, which is why so many who have bypass surgery end up "switching addictions", going from food addiction to excessive drinking or some other compulsion. I completely understand feeling tired enough, and desperate enough, to seek a surgical solution, but I know it would not be the right path for me, and I admire you for realizing that it is not the right path for you. Hang in there, doll.
    1585 days ago
    I feel you... boy, do I. Congrats to your SIL on her success; but there's no way it's for me either. There are long term consequences to be dealt with for the rest of your life. I'm with you, food is a joy! Now, I just need to find more joy in less food!

    We'll get there!
    1585 days ago
    I understand the jealous, but I also understand the feeling of satiety and pleasure from real food too! Yes, too much of the latter is why I've got extra weight, but.... I don't think I could live the way your SIL will need to from now on.
    She made a choice that works for her. Great and happy for her.
    But you know that is not the best choice for yourself, and I applaud that too!

    I'd be kvetching right next to ya about the drastic losses she is experiencing, because it would trigger some jealously from me as well.
    And we are allowed to do that you know, just vent it out. It's a good thing!

    And you gorgeous lady, will get to where you want to be. I just KNOW it!
    1586 days ago
    I am right there with you. I have always been against weight loss surgery for me personally... not for anyone else. For many it is their right choice and for some their only choice to get the weight under control. I often said "I don't care if it's childish, but I want to be able to pig out on Thanksgiving with everyone else." That of course was not the only reason WLS was not for me... but it was the one I was able to joke about with ease. For me, my issues with food go deeper than anything surgery could do for me. I sometimes overeat when I am already painfully full... so getting to the bottom of why I eat and why I use things for other things besides fuel is the issues that I am working on. It can be discouraging to see them drop many pounds and sizes in the blink of an eye... but when I think about what their body has been through and everything they have given up, it makes me feel better about my way and my choices. It might be slow and steady with bumps in the road, but we will get there someday too... and we will still be able to stuff ourselves on occasion and not feel sick. :)
    1587 days ago
    Oh Jan... believe me when I say that I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. At one point, I thought that may be the only option for me... until I found out about the food restrictions and other things. That's NOT or me either. I'm VERY happy for you SiL, and maybe this was her only choice. I know it's hard, I understand the frustration, but I KNOW you can and WILL do it... YOUR way. Love you!
    1587 days ago
    Well, all I'll say is I wish your SIL luck. It would not be for me for sure.

    1587 days ago
    I completely understand this. I went to school with another girl that was always "big" too. It was she and I. I moved away quite some time ago, but we are FB friends still....she recently had Gastric Bypass surgery and has lost over 70 lbs in just a few months.....My mother was 369lbs by my last total recollection....she had Gastric Bypass Jan 2012...and is now 165lbs.....I am extremely jealous (yet happy) for both of them. I work in a hospital and my insurance just this year started to cover GB surgery at a benefit of 10K (lifetime max)....I know when I asked others I worked with about the surgery they explained their surguries cost them close to 20K since it was considered an elective my saying this I don't think GB is for me.....why?
    1. It will not teach me how to eat correctly....
    2. GB will NOT exercise FOR me.
    3. I don't want to be selfish and spend 20K of my household budget on just myself.
    4. If I earn it the hard way I will work harded to maintain it cause I will have paid the price with blood, sweat, and tears....

    I didn't mean to hijack your thread, but I had a small epiphany as to what it WAS exactly that sparked me in the first place..

    Thank you VERY much for that today...I needed it
    1587 days ago
  • _BABE_
    I am with you...eating a cup of food and having to be that careful is not for me. emoticon
    1587 days ago
    I'd be jealous too, but like you said, in the end she isn't able to enjoy food like you are anymore so that is the downside. It is very nice of you to be happy for her too. Try not to let it get to you too much though. You are two different people with separate lives and challenges and victories.
    1587 days ago
  • ALICIA214

    emoticon You know you can do it and I am sure you will get a lot of support and encouragement from your SIL, she will likely be your cheer leader.

    1588 days ago
  • STEPH45FOR45
    I struggle with the same sentiments of various friends and family who have gone thru WLS.
    1588 days ago
  • ANNETTE117
    Congrats to your SIL. You're right, the lapband is not for everyone. Plus the surgery has lots of complications. You can and will get there, too. Lots of people around me have had weight loss surgery. I envy their results but not the surgery. I too will get there albeit more slowly. But I will get there!
    1588 days ago
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