Losing Your First 10 Pounds (Lauren Wardell): Prompt 2
Saturday, November 09, 2013
Have you ever been criticized about your weight? Who criticized you? How did it make you feel? What do you think their intentions were when they criticized you? Why do you think people feel the need to criticize others because of the way they look?
Wardell, Lauren (2013-10-17). Losing Your First 10 Pounds (Your Pathway to Vitality) (Kindle Locations 221-223). . Kindle Edition.
Since I didn't become overweight until after high school my experience is a little different than someone that was overweight growing up. My mother would make comments about my weight trying to help me, I think. I dreaded seeing my maternal grandmother because of her comments. She would say stuff like, I never thought you would be this fat. Did (do) people think I don't know that I'm fat? Really??? I always want to say something smart back to people...like, now that you've made me aware that I'm fat (thank you soooo.... very much) I'll do something about it. Darn, if I had only known years ago, I wouldn't have had to keep buying larger clothes. I've told doctors before that I'm fat not stupid. Seriously, there are many reasons people feel the need to share their concern about another persons weight/looks/etc. Some do it out of geniune concern, hoping their comment might be the one that motivates you to take action and save your own life. Some I think are facinated..."why would anyone ever let themself become so fat?". Some people are rude and ignorant - those I try to not let bother me. Others do it to feel superior to you or for attention for themselves (when they are making fun of you).
My daughter is overweight and I feel so helpless (a feeling that is very familiar to me) about it. She gets angry with me because I will make comments. I hate the thought of the limitations she may experience in her life because of being obese. I also am very concerned about health issues that she'll have because of the extra weight. She's beautiful, has a great sense of style, intelligent, great personality and an abundance of self confidence so it isn't as if I'm not proud of her. I wanted to mention this because I'm not just the receiver of comments, I'm also the commenter. I've questioned my motives because she gets so upset with me. I feel if I don't express my concern I'm saying it's okay with me. I don't know how to handle this with her. I remember when my mom would make comments it didn't help but at least I knew she cared.
Was talking about “negative” emotions growing up frowned upon in your family? Were you always taught to ignore how you felt if you didn’t feel good— or “get over it”? How do you think that has influenced you? Do you think not being allowed to express your emotions could have impacted your weight gain? How? What do you think would happen if you began to acknowledge how you feel in a safe place? What would that look like?
Wardell, Lauren (2013-10-17). Losing Your First 10 Pounds (Your Pathway to
Vitality) (Kindle Locations 224-227). . Kindle Edition. .
I think my mother was depressed a lot while I was growing up. She would talk about her feelings but also said people had to fight mental health issues. My dad was quiet so I wasn't sure what he was feeling. I always got the impression that my feelings didn't matter....if I felt bad I needed to get over it. What problems did I have....I was just a kid. My sister-in-law remembers me as a sad kid. I didn't think so at the time....it was just how things were but looking back I would have to agree. I never felt very important to anyone. Kind of lonely and sad most of the time. Feel guilty writing this because my childhood wasn't bad and I feel I shouldn't be complaining about it. I guess I still have problems owning feelings.....even now I think there wasn't anything bad enough in my life to validate the sad feelings I had. I should just accept them because they were my feelings....
Don't know if not expressing my feelings was a cause of my weight issues/disordered eating or not. I think I needed to be able to comfort myself and didn't learn how to do that growing up. I've noticed people use all different kinds of things to escape from reality. I use food, sleep, reading/watching TV. I have friend who uses busy-ness. She has trouble being alone and not doing anything....always doing something or on the phone....until she's totally exhausted. I think most people use something to distract them from life and maybe it isn't always a bad thing. I certainly feel better, happier if I'm being productive. Right now I need to be cleaning but because I physically hurt I'm procrastinating. I want to do everything, even cleaning, perfect....do it right the first time. I can never do anything right enough to please myself though. So rather that try and fail, I procrastinate....I just ate a sandwich even though I wasn't hungry and decided to write this, avoiding the cleaning I need to be doing.
I hope all this writing helps me to "Lose the 1st 10 pounds". I do believe being aware of what has caused me to be the way I am has to help but I seem to be rehashing the same old stuff over and over. I can't seem to make myself do anything. I don't want to seem that I'm blaming my parents for my problems. They did the best they could and for the most part were good parents. I don't mention my experiences to blame them but to examine how those experiences have helped create the person I am today....good and bad. It's all so complex, I feel overwhelmed.
Oh well, prompt #2 done to the best of my ability. Now I have to clean! No more procrastinating!!!!