Friday, November 08, 2013
I've done it again. I fell off the wagon, rolled into the ditch, down the hill and into a canyon. My weight is at 190. Wow, how could I let myself go that far into the abyss. I need to hitch up the hoist and pull myself up out of the canyon and back up the hill. Then onto the road and SP wagon. I haven't been this big since 2010 and I was doing so well until this summer. I need to learn to love myself again as I was pretty disgusted with my body when the breast cancer diagnosis came in August. Even my oncologist said to me "You have done everything right and still got cancer." So I am thinking why bother to take care of myself and fell into a eating binge for several months. Now I am at 190. I gained almost 40 pounds in 4 months. Oh if I could only lose like I can gain. I left my exercise program in the dust and now need to start all over with that too. But this is the first day of the rest of my life and now that I hit bottom again all I can do is go up.