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    ONEKIDSMOM   116,300
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No, not hiding this time...

Friday, November 08, 2013

just not a lot to say.

I seem to have found the balance point again, for now. And feel abashed over my panic during the slide and recovery. It *is* after all, a part of life's process for me to have good and bad times. But every time I have one of those tough patches... it scares me.

The big fear is that I'll end up in one of those multi-year relapses.

OA talks about insanity. Step 2 is coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Slipping from abstinence brings an almost immediate "insanity". One that threatens my recovery.

I intellectually know this. Crawling back out of the ditch, finding the abstinence again... is a blessing and a grace, and I Thank my Higher Power for it. Because it takes a power greater than the disease to combat it... to get the motivation back.

LIFE is good. Live it one day, one decision at a time! Because you're worth it. And... it works when you work it (notice I didn't say "if")!

Spark on. emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGLADY13 11/11/2013 10:10PM

    I just need to climb out of the pit one more time than you fall in to the pit.

emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 11/11/2013 1:15PM

    Congrats on climbing back up one more time and finding your balance. I understand the panic and the despair that comes with even moments of relapse. The idea of hours, days, weeks, months, years of living out of control is very frightening. Your acceptance is a strength. Your willingness to share here on Spark is a beacon to those of us who struggle at least from time to time. So glad you have found what works for you. Take care. See you soon.

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JUST_TRI_IT 11/11/2013 7:54AM

    The angle of repose.... Balance that helps us move to a new place....

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NEW-CAZ 11/9/2013 4:34PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/9/2013 7:47AM

    emoticon
For the mildly insane, it is just another day LOL!

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LEANJEAN6 11/9/2013 7:38AM

    As long as we are alive, we move--Spark----- Another great blog Barb!!---Hugs--

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COCK-ROBIN 11/8/2013 9:40PM

    You can do it! emoticon

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GABY1948 11/8/2013 6:56PM

    Barb, I SO totally understand what you are saying and what you went through that it was scary for me when you do that also...if my "hero", one of them anyway, is scared how can I NOT be.1

Thanks for always being so honest!! Have a great weekend!

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DLDMIL 11/8/2013 5:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KRISZTA11 11/8/2013 2:04PM

    It is good you are not hiding!
Blogging about hard times always helps me.
emoticon

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LESLIELENORE 11/8/2013 1:33PM

    emoticon

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CHANGINGHORSES 11/8/2013 10:15AM

    emoticon emoticon
Glad you are back in the groove!

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DALID414 11/8/2013 10:00AM

    Definitely works when you work it.

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MARUKI52 11/8/2013 9:42AM

    Your last paragraph says it all. Glad you found solid ground again.

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1CRAZYDOG 11/8/2013 9:14AM

    I am glad you're finding your balance point again. It's hard, but sometimes the best thing to do IS call on that Higher Power. It does work! Puts things in perspective.

HUGS and here's to balance



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DEBRITA01 11/8/2013 8:43AM

    Scary to be on that slippery ground, but you've got a good foothold in your Higher Power. Trusting in yourself and your Higher Power will keep you on the right path. emoticon

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THINFITKINDVGAN 11/8/2013 8:36AM

    Question, my dear SparkFriend: What would happen if you slipped, even for a long length of time and DIDN'T react to it?

Hmmmm

I think Higher Power is emoticon at that idea right now.

It's not the food, the cigarettes, the alcohol, street drugs, RX drugs, laziness, etc., that we are addicted to. It is fear, guilt, grief, loneliness, self-sabotage, remorse. These are our "friends".

And the ultimate fear: Love! Unconditional Love that resides within at all times, in all situations, with all people always and forever. I'd say THAT is a pretty darn great Higher Power. Wouldn't you?

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KANOE10 11/8/2013 8:26AM

    All of us can panic and fear relapse. You overcame your fears, turned to a Higher Power, and are now back on track. emoticon

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KALIGIRL 11/8/2013 8:10AM

    Here's to giving thanks to all our "Higher Power's in whatever form 'they' may take. Glad you're 'back' in balance!
emoticon (no scales...)
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ROXYZMOM 11/8/2013 8:01AM

    I am happy you got your groove back! Spark on!

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WATERMELLEN 11/8/2013 7:58AM

    No reason to be abashed (although I recognize that emotion as part of my own insanity). As you say, it's an ongoing process and all of us fear relapse because we've had so much experience of it.

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MJREIMERS 11/8/2013 7:49AM

    Such is life...up and down, but the journey is always worth it! I'm glad you turned to your Sparkfriends for support. You give enough and now it's our turn to get some back! You are emoticon and you've got this emoticon !

Comment edited on: 11/8/2013 7:50:32 AM

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BLUENOSE63 11/8/2013 7:34AM

  Always comforting to be back on solid ground as opposed to the slippery slope! Good work at righting the tipped sail Barb.

Have a great weekend.

Cheryl

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