Thursday, November 07, 2013
Ugh!! I am just having a hard time of things these days. I just need to get this off my chest so I can then do my best to try and either fix what I am able or at least take some sort of productive actions so I don't end up stress eating and gain all sorts of weight before my beach vacation.
A very close friend of ours is in a band called The Features. They are amazing! Gaining in popularity here in the states but hugely popular in the UK. He tours endlessly with the band so we don't get to see him or his wife whom we also adore all that often. That said, when I heard they were playing a benefit for The Salvation Army in Nashville I was totlly psyched and wanted to get tickets. I told my husband about it and he seemed more interested than usual. (He hates the really late nights because we are both so tired after a show the following day is just a waste.) We hadn't seen them live since the new album release so I was really getting excited. Then this evening my friend Deb stopped by. She is a baker and her little company just took off like a rocket this week when Gibson Guitars discovered her and ordered 20 loaves as their first weekly order!! She always has my husband try her new bread recipes before putting them on the menu and wanted his opinion on her new version of the traditional yeast rolls. I was super happy and excited for her. Thankfully he waited until she left to get all bitter and angry. He had applied for a job at Gibson months ago. Never got a response...no email, no call, no interview....This has been an ongoing issue for pretty much every job he has applied for over the past year and a half. He keeps actively looking for work and not finding anything. Moving, which is what I am resisting more than anything because I have finally found my place in the world, is quickly becoming more and more of a reality. This has me totally stressed out and is causing issues like hair loss and acne but I am dealing with that....I know he wants to support friends of ours (especially the bassist of The Features) as they accomplish their successes they have worked so very hard for for so long, but he is having such a horrible time of things that he is just angry and bitter and depressed all the time because he feels as if his life is passing him by and that everyone else is making their dreams come true and he can't even get a lousy call back, let alone an interview. It has become increasingly difficult on me, so as a result I have been working a lot more. This doesn't help because now when I have had some pretty big successes at work. He gets even angrier and more frustrated because I am basically supporting us on my pitiful salary. Keep in mind, he isn't angry at me and it is never directed at me. He is angry with himself and at his inability, try as he might, to change things. The whole thing is a big mess. I am trying so hard to stay on the bright side for sanity's sake but it is becoming increasingly more difficult. In addition, a very dear friend whom I think of more as a sister has just left her husband. Personally, I never liked her husband, but I would never tell her that nor would I ever say anything negative about him to my "nieces". I am just doing everything I can to be supportive and to keep the girls occupied, happy, distracted, engaged, whatever they need. I hate this for them. but I really do believe it is for the best. So, the long and the short of it...I am stressed. REALLY stressed. I am doing everything I learned here on Spark to manage it and I am so thankful for that knowledge. I just wish there was more I could do than manage it....like actually CHANGE things, but there are some things even I can't seem to manage to accomplish.
Thanks for listening. I really needed that.