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I really just need to blow off some stress steam....

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Ugh!! I am just having a hard time of things these days. I just need to get this off my chest so I can then do my best to try and either fix what I am able or at least take some sort of productive actions so I don't end up stress eating and gain all sorts of weight before my beach vacation.

A very close friend of ours is in a band called The Features. They are amazing! Gaining in popularity here in the states but hugely popular in the UK. He tours endlessly with the band so we don't get to see him or his wife whom we also adore all that often. That said, when I heard they were playing a benefit for The Salvation Army in Nashville I was totlly psyched and wanted to get tickets. I told my husband about it and he seemed more interested than usual. (He hates the really late nights because we are both so tired after a show the following day is just a waste.) We hadn't seen them live since the new album release so I was really getting excited. Then this evening my friend Deb stopped by. She is a baker and her little company just took off like a rocket this week when Gibson Guitars discovered her and ordered 20 loaves as their first weekly order!! She always has my husband try her new bread recipes before putting them on the menu and wanted his opinion on her new version of the traditional yeast rolls. I was super happy and excited for her. Thankfully he waited until she left to get all bitter and angry. He had applied for a job at Gibson months ago. Never got a response...no email, no call, no interview....This has been an ongoing issue for pretty much every job he has applied for over the past year and a half. He keeps actively looking for work and not finding anything. Moving, which is what I am resisting more than anything because I have finally found my place in the world, is quickly becoming more and more of a reality. This has me totally stressed out and is causing issues like hair loss and acne but I am dealing with that....I know he wants to support friends of ours (especially the bassist of The Features) as they accomplish their successes they have worked so very hard for for so long, but he is having such a horrible time of things that he is just angry and bitter and depressed all the time because he feels as if his life is passing him by and that everyone else is making their dreams come true and he can't even get a lousy call back, let alone an interview. It has become increasingly difficult on me, so as a result I have been working a lot more. This doesn't help because now when I have had some pretty big successes at work. He gets even angrier and more frustrated because I am basically supporting us on my pitiful salary. Keep in mind, he isn't angry at me and it is never directed at me. He is angry with himself and at his inability, try as he might, to change things. The whole thing is a big mess. I am trying so hard to stay on the bright side for sanity's sake but it is becoming increasingly more difficult. In addition, a very dear friend whom I think of more as a sister has just left her husband. Personally, I never liked her husband, but I would never tell her that nor would I ever say anything negative about him to my "nieces". I am just doing everything I can to be supportive and to keep the girls occupied, happy, distracted, engaged, whatever they need. I hate this for them. but I really do believe it is for the best. So, the long and the short of it...I am stressed. REALLY stressed. I am doing everything I learned here on Spark to manage it and I am so thankful for that knowledge. I just wish there was more I could do than manage it....like actually CHANGE things, but there are some things even I can't seem to manage to accomplish.

Thanks for listening. I really needed that.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • OPTIMIST1948
    DH and I had a pretty intense conversation a few days ago about him wanting me to find a real - permanent job so that we can stop living in this holding pattern we have been in for 3 years. Have to agree with DogLady on this one. This is the Better Or Worse part. Where would you move to? Somewhere more metropolitan?
    1582 days ago
    How awful for you. Your friend is lucky to have someone so supportive during a difficult time. There are a lot of lay offs going around, so reassure your husband he is definitely not alone. Through multiple mergers at our work, I have seen so many people let go. While, I am glad to have a steady pay check, It's difficult to know that tomorrow it may be my turn. I have to say, that in the long term, most of these people are better off not working where I am at. They look so healthy and happy. One, no longer uses pain meds or a cane to walk. The people that I see who do the best, seem to be open to unexpected change in their career. Maybe, although your husband is struggling now, there is a new opportunity waiting for him. Maybe, not what he planned or expected, but something good. That is what I will hope for. I hope you will both be happy and successful in your lives.
    1590 days ago
    Ugh that is ALOT going on at once! What type of work does your husband do? Is he on LinkedIn? Are there any professional groups he can join for networking? Honestly, these days, its the underground "in" that gets someone a job, not their resume or their awesome skills. And the general online resume submission process is almost like throwing dust into the wind. I just got a rejection email 2 days ago from an online submission I made over a YEAR ago! Guess someone finally decided to clean out their box? Anyways... point being... it is NOT easy to find a job these days and it can be VERY depressing to constantly get rejected. It feels like a big "YOU SUCK" every time. It is like someone saying you're not good enough over and over! Maybe he should consider switching it up and trying something new? That is so tough though... but the wonderful thing about marriage is that ebb and flow, the give and take of support, just like another commenter said - for better or worse - BUT... you seem to be giving ALOT of yourself right now (your job, your friends, your husband) and THAT can really wear a person out too. Make sure to take some time to yourself, maybe go for a walk outside of the house, something to get yourself centered. And one thing to remember right now is that ALL things are temporary. Some day you'll be looking back on this and realizing you made it through and you're stronger. Things will work out!!!!!!!! I believe it! Good luck!
    1590 days ago
    1591 days ago
    It is hard when money is tight and self esteem is shot. This is the "for better and for worse" part, isn't it. Blow off all the steam you need to here. We'll listen and listen and listen.
    1591 days ago
    I 'm so sorry sweetie, that you have this situation to go through. I remember very well how when my Dad was out of work, that it was so trying for our whole family because it just ate at him so much. He just couldn't stand the thought of being idle and that's probably your husband's trouble too. With my Dad, it was just a matter of Boeing getting over their strike, that he could get back to work, but when would that ever be? The not-knowing is a killer too. Well, you know the old saying, "it will make or break you?" I have a feeling that it will make you all. This will be an experience you won't forget and hopefully he'll find work soon. You're supporting him as well as you can and one day you'll all look back on this and be so thankful and also, so in love!! emoticon emoticon
    1591 days ago
    You have a lot on your plate. We had a woman live with us for 9 months looking for work. She did some programs to help update her resume, etc. Not sure what your husband is looking for but I know the frustration and the wear and tear it does on a person's self esteem. Hopefully something will open up for him soon. Blessings! emoticon
    1591 days ago
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