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Bad Mommy

Thursday, November 07, 2013

I know many of you here have followed my writings about my Mother and Sister. Geez it is hard sometimes to deal with family. My mother hates my DH and the two of them haven't been in the same space in over 3 years. It all started back when I was getting so sick and in and out of the hospital and they still weren't sure what was wrong with me. At the time my Mother lived in Mexico. My Mother had written me a nasty email and said some awful things to me all over an airline ticket that my DH had ordered for her on line when we all were coming up for the holidays one year. In the past my DH would many times pay for her ticket but at this particular time we weren't in a position to do so and I asked her to pay for her own. Well she went completely off on me and said that it wasn't fair as we spent money on his sons and grandchildren and that she was family and she expected us to pay for her. Now this is the same mother that spent $150,000 adding onto my sister's house to move into and lived there 7 months and my sister even charged her rent after that to live there. My mother is fortunate and has her own money. Anyway my DH sent her a nasty email and she has never forgiven him and works hard to get people to not like him. Fortunately my DH just ignore it all. But my mother is constantly bashing him to my cousins and all. It really isn't fair. My DH wants to just let it pass and move forward. He doesn't like that I am put in the middle and it creates stress for me. My sister is really "working" it though. She and her husband love that mom spent all this money on their house and then they convinced her to move into a retirement community so she will be around more people. When I was out with my sister and mom shopping I noticed my sister buying things on my Mom's credit card and my mother offering to pay for gas, etc. I really don't care about the money but my sister is really taking advantage of the fight between my mother and DH and is going overboard to do things for mom to get money. I am so glad I don't have to be around it much as I live in Mexico. But here is the worst part...which I haven't shared with you all here......and that is that my mother knows that I was engaged to another man whom I loved and my sister slept with him while I was away on a business trip....yep, what a soap opera! Geez, we are talking Jerry Springer. Of course I dropped the guy and moved forward and thank goodness I did as I now have a wonderful DH. And I worked hard to try and forgive my sister....but now with watching her "work" my mother and the two of them "hating" my DH is makes me sick. All of this is on my mind as I was trying again to just get everyone past this. I am having a get together with my cousins and their families and want to have it here in the new "man cave" my DH totally built himself. It's a great space. Anyway, called my Mom to tell her about it and she went on about how she wouldn't be comfortable in the same space with my DH. So I just said "forget it"....I am not even going to try and push it. I say "so be it". Funny part is that with my disorders my Mother knows I am supposed to avoid stress. I told her this and she doesn't get it.

So sorry for the soap box......just had to get this all out. Thanks for listening...I now feel better. I can't change my Mother or Sister....I can only change how I react and I choose not to let them get to me.

Hope you all have a terrific day. It's really overcast here in Philly. But not too chilly.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1533 days ago
    I'm glad that you have decided to not let it get to you.
    1533 days ago
  • LIS193
    1533 days ago
    Be reassured that there are many others with family drama... You are not alone. it's much harder to deal with when it's family since we still have connections, like it or not. We can't change/influence other people but we can change our own behaviour.
    Personally I've chosen to step out of the drama and focus on my nuclear family and it has been the best thing for me!
    1533 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Everyone else has said it all.....
    1533 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/8/2013 9:02:07 AM
    i'm really sorry to hear about the stress you
    are having have to deal with. I am glad that
    getting it down on paper has helped you feel
    better. You have a great way of dealing with
    your mother and sister. What a shame that
    your mum feels like this. She is the one missing
    out on having a loving daughter. You have done
    nothing wrong, so let them be. You have a great
    life and wonderful DH. Enjoy your life.

    1533 days ago
    Tell you what; now I know why you are so beautiful!!! You are truly an angel!!!! Dealing with a mother and a sister like yours would drive me bonkers!!! LOL!!! God bless you, my friend, and continue being the wonderful person that you are. Be happy and continue having fun!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1533 days ago
    Best for you to just move on and let them live their lives. HUGS!
    1533 days ago
    I agree with you that its not about the money it is the principle of the matter.

    Thankfully my Mom was awesome but your sister could be my sister's twin!

    I had so many problems with her, you would not believe it and it was affecting my marriage because I was so angry about the things she has done . I didn't talk to her for a while and when I started speaking to her again (only to see my nieces and nephews) I told her that I am not taking ANYONE's BS anymore, no matter who it is. I told her that I don't treat ppl disrespectfully so I don't expect them to treat me that way either - BUT - if they want to bring it, then I am not putting up with it anymore.

    Great that you said that you really didn't care to hear it because of your health.

    I always tell my sister - I can sleep with myself at night, knowing I don't want bad karma. She said once - I can, too. I said - Wow, maybe you should look up the word Karma... She got mad but shut up.

    Really, that is what it boils down to - you know you are not like that - you can hold your head high because from all of your blogs that I have read - you seem like a really good, sweet person.

    One of my Honey's Aunts told me once - Don't let ppl bother you and sit and be upset about it - they don't think twice about you, so while you are angry and hurting yourself (with negativity) they are going on with their lives.

    It was some of the best advice I ever received...

    Huggies & happiness to You!!!!!!! emoticon
    1534 days ago
    Sometimes you just need to vent about a situation like that. But if you vent to a family member, you may feed the drama or make the family member feel worse. It's safe to vent here; we can sympathize without being hurt directly, and we won't make your drama worse from hearing your reaction to it.

    I wish you well in coping with a difficult situation that you can't cure.
    1534 days ago
    1534 days ago
    I'm sorry you have such drama to contend with. You can only control yourself. They are responsible for their own actions.
    1534 days ago
    emoticon Sometimes you have to write people, even family off. I know. I've been there. Your sanity and well being are important and you are absolutely right--you can only change how you react. They have to change themselves and if they won' is their loss.
    1534 days ago
    You might want to give up including those two in celebrations you have with your husband. Sorry you have to experience the jealousies, but all families have them. Believe me most of us think some of our family experiences belong on the Jerry Springer show and none of us think we are belong there.

    Glad you got relief writing it down. emoticon
    1534 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/7/2013 3:55:30 PM
    Too bad your Mom is so stubborn in her resentment, and she is adding stress to your life instead of the love and understanding you need.
    At least you and your DH are handling this very well.
    1534 days ago
  • 3016DEBRA
    Remember, we can't pick our families ~ but we can pick our friends. My family is a little twisted too, therefore I spend my time with the ones who make me happy and avoid the ones that don't. Sounds to me like your mother & sister are cut from the same bolt of cloth. Love your DH, support him and let the other two be. emoticon

    Enjoy your life!!! emoticon emoticon
    1534 days ago
    Glad that writing it out made you feel a little bit better.
    Sorry for your family drama. Minimizing contact is probably the only thing we can do in situations like that.
    1534 days ago
  • MKELLY72
    Glad you were able to write that all out--so therapeutic to be able to do that. This is your mom's stuff, and I wish you the best in letting go of it and allowing yourself not to stress over it. It's hard for those of us who are so giving of ourselves (which I have observed you to be) to wrap our heads around the irrational behaviors of the acutely self absorbed people in our lives--keep your chin up, and know that we are all thinking good thoughts for you.
    1534 days ago
  • BERRY4
    I've very much moved toward the belief that "friends are the families we choose". I also tend to think that "family" is overrated!

    The "real" deal (family of birth) is often full of frustration and difficult people who I would never choose to be in relationship with. It just isn't worth the energy to deal w/ people making poor choices, especially when the fall-out affects or hurts you. Disconnect the strings that bind you!
    1534 days ago
  • _LINDA
    So very sorry you have to deal with this -but you sure have the healthiest attitude towards dealing with it. You are proving you are better then them by reaching out the olive branch. If they refuse to take it its THEIR problem.
    You were lucky to get out of the first romance -if he could sleep with someone else then he wasn't going to be ever trustworthy, I pity the next woman he ensnares! It is a real shame your sister is getting away with what she is doing to your Mom.
    You are better off living far apart from them. I hope you can keep the stress down as you have to deal with them in the next month you are there.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1534 days ago
    All this drama..sure makes FAMILY tough to deal with sometimes, Well, mine is tough ALL THE TIME!

    You are have to try to let it go. The stress is not doing you any good at all to have in your life.

    Wishing you strength and Peace for the Holidays!
    1534 days ago
  • TINY67
    If we don't get it out we'd explode. Best of Luck.
    1534 days ago
    No words of wisdom, just a hug and glad you vented. You deserved to. (((HUGS)))
    1534 days ago
    All I can say is "OMG" You are can only change how you react and you choose not to let them get to you!! I'm sorry for what you are going through!
    1534 days ago
  • KLONG8
    I have found that writing down the family issues, as you have just now, helps relieve some of the feelings of craziness. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stuff. It really does make life so much harder. But as Madeit3 says "families are families. Just gotta live with 'em." Best of luck getting through this tough patch.
    1534 days ago
    can understand sad part of it is that your sister taking advantage my only sibling passed away over 4 years back my late husband's siblings are there but I spend very little time or thought about them have decided to live my life all the best to you
    1534 days ago
    Oh Sallie, this must be so difficult. My heart goes out to you. I think you are handling it very well. Just remember....You can pick your nose, but not your relatives!
    1534 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/7/2013 10:17:19 AM
    Sallie - families are families. Can't choose 'em, just gotta live with 'em. Best of luck to you in dealing with the latest soap episode. I feel for you and I relate!! Hugs.
    1534 days ago
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