Wednesday, November 06, 2013
In the 10 years we've been married, we've never had a blow up like we did this week. It's nothing new and obviously we're just crazy because we keep on doing the same things and expecting new results... we all know that doesn't work.
I'd like to say first off, we never even contemplate breaking up, we're too much in love, no matter what happens.
This time though, it will take me longer to get over. It's hard when one is neglected for too long. It's not an abusive relationship, it's more of a lacking one.
He's stressed about money all the time. That translates into the bedroom and I know I'm not the only married person only getting some less than once a month. Who knew the wife could have a higher sex drive than the husband? That's never talked about, but is probably the reality of more married couples than you'd think.
So I told him to go back to college and get a higher paying job. I'm not sure why it's all on me to get the second job when he could still work toward getting a quick degree and restart his career, even at 40. It's never too late to restart your life for the better and I know of a technical college near us that would be affordable and that we can get grants with our current situation. It seems that many job openings are turning up in my inner circle, but we're just not qualified at the moment, so I'm looking into making us available to get better jobs. The commuter train station is only one city away and if my husband works toward learning how to fix trains, he could easily work there if an opening happens.
I know when he feels better about his situation as a man, he'll translate that into paying more attention to his wife (me!).
The kids are old enough that we don't have to worry about them as much. They are legally old enough to stay home alone for a half hour or so (the legalities say 20 minutes, I looked up the guidelines a few years back). That means we can do more and not worry about them getting home and having to be there for them when they do.
One thing he did bring up was to go do something this weekend. So I told him to plan it. I know we need more time together, but why it should all fall on me?
I'm tired. I'm feeling vulnerable. I'm upset. I'm stressed. I'm still feeling pretty worthless, but not as bad as yesterday.
Today will probably consist of a nap, then I'm going to start a list of things I'm good at and the things I need to refocus on to make my outlook positive for myself, regardless of my husband.
I know you all see me as being positive no matter what. Sometimes I just need to have the negativity to remind myself of why the positive is so positive. If negativity never happened, we'd never know the positive to be positive.
Today's Holidays: Saxophone Day, Marooned Without A Compass Day, and National Nachos Day.