Once upon a time, I was 16, and I cleaned my room. Sounds simple, no?
But then my mu-thur (much as I love her, and much as I'm turning into her)... did something that in retrospect I'm going to simply call stupid. She overcomplimented me, and in essence (to my 16 year old mind) took credit for motivating me to clean my room. I didn't DO it for her! I did it for ME! As the 16 year old, I resented her taking the credit.
I wrote her a long letter, trying to explain this simple thing, seeking to be understood. She got defensive. We had a horrible fight. She was ready to throw me out of the house.
Now, granted, I've learned a bit as the rebel since then. I have learned NOT to assume that those around me will understand me. I have learned in many cases to just shut up and let it slide. But when the rebel gets to the point of "licking my wounds" by eating? That is not healthy. It is a signal that "something is wrong".
By casting my rebel as that teenager, I am able to ask myself what kind of mothering she needed... and in this case it meant to give her some space to resolve it for herself. And she did... eventually the rebel remembered that she was NOT maintaining healthy habits for anyone else: not for those who would say "you're an extreme athlete", or those who would say "you've come so far" or even "you're my hero". Not for those who would shame her ("you never can follow through...")
But for HERSELF, so she can do the things she wants to do in life. So they will be easier.
What turned around my relationship with my mother? Because indeed it was turned around before she passed on. Simple: I grew up. I learned to see that inside my mother was the same complex of child, teen, and adult... a whole human being... not an ideal. Kind of like... me... now.
Making peace with ALL the aspects of the whole is vital to long term success... and especially to "climbing out of the hole" that one digs when (I won't say if) the rebel gets to the point of acting out.
With the rebel "in charge", I can be "the good rebel" that WATERMELLEN gave the nod to in her recent blog... www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
See, rebels aren't all bad! Americans... just remember Thomas Jefferson was 19 when he penned the Declaration of Independence.
LIFE is good. Spark on!