Last night I thought to myself...Why am I doing this? What do I want? Why am I still struggling at weight loss? What is really going on?
I am doing this because I want to be healthy. I want to be a healthy person, at a healthy weight and help others find their health again too. I am struggling because I have allowed myself to maintain old eating patterns, when I am faced with emotions. I know what to do, but I don't do it.
Well...the answer sounds silly. I am afraid. I don't know myself without the fat girl identity. I also have always shy-ed (sp?) away from male attention because of my weight and am fearful that if I lose the weight, I might get more attention from guys since guys tend to be more attracted to women thinner than me. I have spent my life being heavy, hiding behind my weight and losing the weight will expose me. My body armor will be gone, no protection, no being ignored or overlooked. I don't know how to be that girl...
But guess what? This isn't the life I want. I want to be confident. I want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I am done hiding, done slinking away from guys...I want a long term relationship again. I don't want to feel like I need to break up with someone because I am fearful that he really doesn't like me...that he is just saying he likes me because it's a joke, because I am going to be made fun of...I don't want to do that anymore. I am done with the fat girl mentality.
I am worthy of love. I am worthy of happiness. I am worthy of living a wonderful life. I am worthy. It's something I have missed all of these years. The reason I could never lose the weight or keep it off was because I didn't feel worthy. I am done feeling unworthy. I am worthy and the first place I have to start with is with me.
Before I go to bed and when I wake up....when I want to eat something that is unhealthy or eat for reasons other than hunger, I am going to remind myself, "You are worthy," and "You are possible."
The life I want is within my reach. All I have to do is go after it!
Nov 2: I am thankful for my wonderful friends who support me and love me, through thick and thin.
Nov 3: I am thankful for my adorable nieces and nephews who always bring a smile to my face and remind me every time I see them to live in the moment!
Nov 4: I am thankful to the new people I've met that have encouraged my spiritual growth and belief in myself, as well as helping me to believe again that there is something bigger than us out there. Faith in self and in spirit can move mountains.
Nov 5: I am thankful to the Done Girls and to the Bahama Mamas for reminding me everyday that I can do this and that I'm possible! Thank you ladies (and gents)!