Tuesday, November 05, 2013
I just reset my counter today to finally accept the fact that I gained back the weight i lost last time, plus a little. When you reset the counter it resets the calorie range also. I dont care what people think,personally I think the weight loss range that SP sets is unrealistic. And probably stupid. So i set my range to a more 'do-able' range because I cant see myself staying under 1500 cal a day, esp if i exercise. I heard time and again other people who have been successful with this, and I have also. So I might only lose 1# a week, so what? I didnt gain it that fast. But the sad reality of it is, even with resetting to 'my' range, I still dont have allowance for a cookie now. And Im sad. Because I think that cookie (oh who am I kidding-cookies) would make me happy. I find that feeling attached to it and its 'joy'. That stupid saying ' nothing tastes as good as being thin feels'? Not me. Thats bunk in my mind. I find no joy in being thin. I know that I will not be able to lose weight for good if I cant find proper motivation, like healthy motivation. Just for looks-tried that. Makes no dam difference in my life. Dont care. Much. I guess I care what my girlfriends think but not that much, cuz face it, we all think about ourselves too much to really care what other people are doing. I do hope to find joy in being fit. When I wear my workout pants I look thinner and my daughter said ' oh mommy you lost weight- Im so happy cuz you are the mom I always hoped i would have' or something like that. And it touched me. It also horrified me. It motivated me to want to try harder, so I can be the kind of mom that she can show off. or at least not be embarrassed by because Im fat, god knows every 12 year old girls is embarrassed enough by their parents for SOMEthing. I could be fit, but if I still have stupid clothes then, well forget it, LOL.
Im trying to be positive, Im really trying.
Fake it til you make it, I guess. C25K D1 done yesterday (sortof long story my daughter went with me then 'twisted her ankle' 1/2 way through so I made her sit it out, ugh, whatever I love that shes willing to spend time with me at all so overall win-win. No she was not actually injured.) C25k D2 tomorrow and have been doing 'conditioning exercises' nightly with my daughter for her cheer.