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    HAWTGRANNY2014   21,190
20,000-24,999 SparkPoints
I feel like I am just crashing.

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

I am so tired and eating crazy the last two days and so scared..Trying to stay positive and keep on pushing but tonight, I just feel like I am crashing. Oh I will be fine in the morning. It is what I do best, start over.
My hubby's foot ulcer is not healing. His body is swelling and even double water pills are not helping. The wound clinic doctor made us stay there until he called our reg doctor and I think he wanted to put him in the hospital but instead our reg. doctor wants to see him Monday. The wound clinic doctor was not happy and he told me if he had trouble breathing, got dizzy or anything different call an ambulance immediately. He sees the kidney doctor Wednesday because he had to cancel last Wednesday. Then our regular doctor again Monday.
My son in law who is only 41 had a mini stroke yesterday. He is in the hospital. he could not see or move. He can today but his eyes are still blurry. They are taking tests because they think it might lead to more.
My sister has been passing out off and on for a week. She already has enough problems without this too.
I can't stop eating this last two days and hate myself for it. My sugar is up, I have a tremendous headace and toothache. They can't pull my teeth because I take a daily aspirin unless I go to a specialist and I don't have Medicaid so I can't do that either. It acts up for a couple of days and then goes away. I am so tired and I just feel like I am letting my two teams down on the challenges. the only thing I am doing right is exercising 100 min. a day and trying to keep positive for others. Tomorrow is weigh in and I am pretty sure I won't lose..I just hope I at least did not gain.
I feel like just giving it all up but I can't because I will disappoint myself and others.
I am sorry, I just feel so aweful right now that I needed to put this down. It doesn't mean that I will not be there for all of you. I just need to take tomorrow off and I wanted you all to know.
I will try and do the challenges and I did post tomorrows challenge but I probably won't be in the chat rooms. I will probably be fine in the morning. I think I am just tired but not going to jump into quitting or giving up. I just need to get some extra sleep. I got up early this morning and went to bed late and got up a couple of times.
Thanks for listening to my little rant. I am really not looking for sympathy. I don't want to feel sorry for myself and that is not what I am doing. I am just so scared because I am doing what hubby is and just eating. It is stupid and I know it but I can't seem to stop. Going to try just drinking tomorrow until this calms down...smoothies and water , if I can.
Thank you all for the great words of comfort you always give me. Namaste, Pam
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIT4MEIN2013 11/6/2013 10:40AM

    Pam, the fact that you are here is evidence that you want to keep going. Said a little prayer for you and sending you a hug. As long as you hate yourself, you will not treat yourself well. You are a beautiful child of God. Accept who you are and treat yourself to the best. Perhaps it is time to take a break and soothe your soul. Give yourself permission to eat what you want, which will take the pressure off you.

emoticon Love yourself and understand the timing may not be good for you right now. Only you can decide that.

Know that you are loved and that we care for you! emoticon emoticon

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RACEWELLWON 11/6/2013 10:08AM

    Pam - the fact that you do not have Medicaid is a key here - listen to what your saying - so you cannot get your teeth pulled but you are going to hurt yourself physically and emotional with the wrong diet . Putting more stress on your Heart ?? You cannot eat over things you cannot control- I had to learn this lesson myself . Yes , Medical is very screwed up right now - that's why we need to pay attention to what we eat - Food is Medicine when used correctly - - I am sorry that you going through so much all the more reason to take care of yourself. hugs k emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/6/2013 12:01:57 PM

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L*I*T*A* 11/6/2013 9:24AM

    sending positive thoughts and prayers..........
we are here for you...
today is a new day.........
blessings and hugs..............lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Pam, remember my mantra? BIBO (breathe in - breathe out). You are not letting anyone down. You are always "on" and honestly it is time for you to let go and let God and just BE for a minute without pressuring yourself to do and be and go and go. Please try....BIBO

You are loved, cared for and so many are concerned. Give yourself a break and find a place that you can BIBO and relax. You are so many things to so many and now you need to let them embrace YOU.


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BKNOCK 11/6/2013 7:38AM

    You have a lot on your shoulders right now so it is totally understandable why you are so tired. Just take a deep breath and do the best you can do. Remember that we are all here rooting for you. Your blogs are always an inspiration and I will pray for you and your family.

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NOSNACKER-57 11/6/2013 7:13AM

    Please no need to apologize, that is A LOT to deal with all at stress eating is bound to find you. I hope things start to get better soon for you...We had 4 deaths in our family within 6 month and my husband has health issues as well so totally understood..


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MARYBETH4884 11/6/2013 6:28AM

    Your blogs inspire, help, and comfort others! know that we are here to do the same for you! You and your family are in my prayers! Keep your head up and know we care! emoticon

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COOKIE_AT_51 11/6/2013 6:11AM

    Dear Sweet Pam ... you do so much for others and you have to take care of you too. I am sending emoticon and strength emoticon to help you through these tough times.

You truly have been overwhelmed with trials ... praying for you and your family. Lifting you up sweet emoticon Do not worry about your Foxes ... we are rallying around you!

emoticon Cookie

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IMLOCOLINDA 11/6/2013 12:51AM

    I'll add extra prayers for you and your family tonight. Sending you healing white light. Take care of yourself FIRST!! We are the ones who understand what you are going through more than rant all you want. We'll listen and encourage you and love you through it!!

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STITCHINGNAN 11/5/2013 11:35PM

    You are allowed a little rant under the circumstances , don't feel bad about it or you using food as a temporary prop. We know you will soon be feeling more able to cope, hoping life soon gets a but easier fir you and yours, Irene

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MISS_VIV 11/5/2013 10:59PM

    It is only temporary Pam. You will feel better if you can get caught up on your sleep and get your blood sugar regulated again. Be sure to drink your water and stay away for carbs as best you can. Stress has a lot to do with it and I know it isn't an easy time for you.

God bless you.........and your family during this very turbulent time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBI60X60 11/5/2013 10:10PM

    Wow! You really have a lot going on right now. You need to take care of yourself first Pam. If you don't do that, you can't take care of anyone else. Sip a nice soothing cup of tea, and go to bed. emoticon I hope things are brighter in the morning. emoticon

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LJCANNON 11/5/2013 10:08PM

    emoticon Praying, and Thanking God for Your Spirit. You are in the midst of a Terrible Time. Focus on You and Your Family. Lean on your Spark Family and Trust them to Carry You just as You Have Carried Them during Difficult Times.

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SLIMMERJESSE 11/5/2013 9:57PM

    I am so sorry to hear about this. Wishing all of you much better days.

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WATERONE 11/5/2013 9:49PM

    emoticon Take whatever time you need. That is so much to handle and worry about. You are always here for us. Know we are here for you too.

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DRADDIE 11/5/2013 9:48PM


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KATI5668 11/5/2013 9:29PM

    Oh my dear are so overloaded..& yes it is so familiar to turn to the comfort of food. Right now be kind to yourself are being bombarded on so many fronts..
learn from it..find a way to be stronger in the future & forgive yourself for whatever you feel are your errors in judgement right now!

would like to be there to offer a shoulder or an ear..however this is the best we can do..

emoticon emoticon

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SAM60SUMTHINK 11/5/2013 9:06PM

    Doing too much is overwhelming and your plate is beyond full. Arrange for others to fill in on tasks about which you care and focus on yourself for a while, Pam.

No, that is not letting your team down! Quite the reverse:
The best example a team leader can give to members of any team is knowing when to put her (or his) needs as the first priority.

If we don't change our patterns of putting ourselves as last on the list of priorities, YOU know what happens. Can't change history but we can change habits improve the future. Yes? Yes. Oh, yuh... that is why we are HERE instead of some crazy diet place, right?

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LORRAINE10141 11/5/2013 9:04PM

    Take care of yourself. It is natural for you to frustrated when there isn't much you can do to help someone you love who is very ill. All you teams are rooting for you and we will do fine. Use the wisdom you have to prepare and enjoy healthy meals and snacks. I'm glad you are able to move around and enjoyed your 100 minutes. Praying for health and peace in your home.

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LETHA_ 11/5/2013 8:57PM

    Sounds like you are having a tough week. Hang in there.

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SANDYL54 11/5/2013 8:50PM

  You have a very full plate right now. Please give yourself a little tlc and accept that you will simply do the best you can until things settle a bit. Please look after yourself!

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ALIIDA 11/5/2013 8:46PM


My husband was in a similar place to your husband last year. From my experience, if you can get him to a hospital sooner rather than later it would be wise. I'm not a doctor, of course, but it would be best. My husband is now doing pretty well, by the way.

How terribly overwhelming with so many tragedies. My heart goes out to you. I know from last year, Pam, you do need and deserve sympathy.


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