My own worst enemy
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
I really am my own worst enemy when it comes to diet and health. For a couple of years now I've been on SparkPeople and have lost nearly 60 pounds, 80 total since I've been dieting. But most of that was the first year.
The past year has seen a slow loss but nothing exciting. I know why, it is because I don't stick to my eating plan. I'll lose 4 or 5 pounds and then gain them back over the course of a few weeks. Then I'll lose again and be maybe a pound or two ahead of the game. Always, if I kept my calories below about 1300, I lost weight. But if I ate 1600 or more I gained. I track everything even when I'm not sticking to the preferred ranges so I know when I'm eating too much.
I'd been doing pretty well and had finally reached my 3rd 10% (my mini goals are 10% of the starting weight) when the CHF decided to flood my body with water. I gained 8.5 pounds in one week followed by another 3 pounds the next week. Gaining the weight was frustrating but at least I knew it was from water and not fat.
But then, for some inexplicable reason, I stopped trying to eat within range. I've been routinely eating more than 2000 calories a day and sometimes close to 3000. This means that even though I dumped 9 pounds of water in one week, I bounced back up 7 pounds...and that 7 pounds is fat, I'm sure of it. Or at least some of it is fat.
I know I'm still retaining a lot of water (my legs are huge) but I also know that I'm retaining fat too. But for all that I know how to get rid of the fat part, I'm not controlling my eating. I am my own worst enemy in this and it is disgusting. I bought some new clothes in the smaller size and now they are too tight.
I'm very discouraged. I don't expect anyone to have any solutions I don't already know but I just needed to vent. Hopefully getting it out there will trigger something in me that will get me back on track.
Thanks for listening.