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My own worst enemy

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

I really am my own worst enemy when it comes to diet and health. For a couple of years now I've been on SparkPeople and have lost nearly 60 pounds, 80 total since I've been dieting. But most of that was the first year.

The past year has seen a slow loss but nothing exciting. I know why, it is because I don't stick to my eating plan. I'll lose 4 or 5 pounds and then gain them back over the course of a few weeks. Then I'll lose again and be maybe a pound or two ahead of the game. Always, if I kept my calories below about 1300, I lost weight. But if I ate 1600 or more I gained. I track everything even when I'm not sticking to the preferred ranges so I know when I'm eating too much.

I'd been doing pretty well and had finally reached my 3rd 10% (my mini goals are 10% of the starting weight) when the CHF decided to flood my body with water. I gained 8.5 pounds in one week followed by another 3 pounds the next week. Gaining the weight was frustrating but at least I knew it was from water and not fat.

But then, for some inexplicable reason, I stopped trying to eat within range. I've been routinely eating more than 2000 calories a day and sometimes close to 3000. This means that even though I dumped 9 pounds of water in one week, I bounced back up 7 pounds...and that 7 pounds is fat, I'm sure of it. Or at least some of it is fat.

I know I'm still retaining a lot of water (my legs are huge) but I also know that I'm retaining fat too. But for all that I know how to get rid of the fat part, I'm not controlling my eating. I am my own worst enemy in this and it is disgusting. I bought some new clothes in the smaller size and now they are too tight.

I'm very discouraged. I don't expect anyone to have any solutions I don't already know but I just needed to vent. Hopefully getting it out there will trigger something in me that will get me back on track.

Thanks for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Cathwren don't beat yourself up! Focus on how beautiful and unique you are! There is no one else like you. We don't have to be perfect all the time. Believe in yourself, nourish your temple and spirit and all will be well!
    1569 days ago
    Oh, Cathwren, wouldn't that be great!
    1569 days ago
    emoticon 80 lbs!!! That is awesome..."Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined"...Henry David Thoreau...
    You keep on trucking. emoticon
    1569 days ago
    A pound of fat is 3500 extra calories over and above what you burn up, so take heart - if you gain several pounds in one week it is largely water and only a little bit of fat.

    The thing that is driving the water retention is your carb levels. If you go over 100g per day you will start retaining water like a boss. The lower you go on carbs the less water you will hang onto and the fewer cravings you will experience. The whole process is driven by insulin levels (insulin is the "fat storage" hormone) and insulin levels are driven by blood sugar levels.

    It's may not be sugar itself that is the problem. Starchy foods generally have a higher glycemic index than even sugary foods, meaning your insulin levels spike faster and higher when you eat potatoes than when you eat cookies.
    1569 days ago
    I know what you mean. I can actually be talking to myself as I make the wrong choices but I don't listen. It IS like I'm 2 different people sometimes.

    Thanks for the sympathy. If only you could subtract it from your calories for the day. emoticon
    1570 days ago
    emoticon So frustrating. I am sending sympathy. I sometimes watch myself eat as if it were another person.
    1570 days ago
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