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Where Did I Find My Wings?

Monday, November 04, 2013

For years, while I was growing up, I was stifled and not allowed to grow into the person that I felt I should've been. I had to share a room with my sister, and she was such an over bearing person, that she squashed my spirit and I was deflated the whole time I was around her. There was no self worth, NONE WHAT SO EVER!!!

I remember being in the 4th grade and they were teaching the kids how to attempt to play a musical instrument, and I was really interested in the violin, and I went home so excited and asked mom and dad if I could learn how to play the violin! My mom stomped out my enthusiasm and my dream. She wouldn't let me, and when I asked her why, the only response I received was, "Because, I don't think it's a good thing for you."

All the while I was growing up in school, I was constantly being compared to my brother, 1 year older, and my sister, 10 months younger than me. Even the teachers, we all had the same teachers, asked what happened to me, and why I couldn't be like my brother or sister. Squashing sequence, again!!!

Even when it came time to go to college, both my brother and sister were given the opportunity go, from my parents, but they didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. Years later we found out that my brother and sister didn't want to even go to college, and they felt like they were forced to go, and here I sat, the only child that really wanted to go to college, but wasn't given the chance.

When I enlisted in the Army, and they told me that they were going to send me to school, I started getting a bit out of sorts, because I had never been a good student, in my school years. I struggled every day, trying to figure out how I was going to learn to get though this. Well, the way they taught me was invigorating, and I soaked everything up like a sponge, retained it, and graduated 3rd out of 350 men and women. In fact the instructors had me up teaching the classes, so they could spend a one on one time with the other students. THAT WAS THE FIRST DAY, IN MY LIFE THAT I DIDN'T FEEL WORTHLESS!!!

When I got out of the service and came to GA, I was working at Progressive Christian Academy. There was a lady there by the name of Rev. Gail T. Smith. She saw something in me, and she nurtured my entire being, spirit, soul, and body. I began to slowly blossom. Then Rev. Gail T. Smith, became Pastor Gail T. Smith. The south HATES women preachers and pastors, and the Baptist Coalition tried to stomp on her and push her under the bus and kill her spirit, but GOD shielded her and she went straight on through with blazing glory, and the men on the board didn't know what hit them. She founded a church, which is still flourishing today. She was my Shepherd for 15 years, and the whole time, she never neglected me. She would prune me back, which only made me stronger. She molded me, encouraged me, brought things out of me that I never had any idea were there. She shaped me and is a distinctive part of who I am TODAY!!!

I realize that if I had not gone through all the hardships in my life, I wouldn't be the person I am today! I'm very confident that GOD and Pastor Gail, were the two, who enlighten me most. I know what I went through you could say was discouraging, but what Satan made to harm be, God turned it around for His glory and my good. I wouldn't change one single solitary bit of my life, as I would've missed out on the FANTASTIC relationships I have with each and every one of you!!! You're my BONUS!!!

Be blessed,

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v FISHER011
    Awesome blog! You are wonderful & blessed.
    I too am blessed to be a child of God.
    As i read your story, I saw me too & identified with you along the way...
    I'm thankful to have you as a friend in Jesus & SP!
    YOU are so awesome my friend!
    Congrats on all of your successes & for sharing of yourself!
    1011 days ago
    What a wonderful blog. I'm glad I didn't miss it.
    Yes, all living things will flourish given the right environment and I'm happy that you found yours.
    1021 days ago
  • v JULIE_DV
    You have a beautiful spirit! I'm so glad that you were able to overcome so many negatives in your life!
    1023 days ago
  • v DALMOM2007
    It's always nice when we can look back and see what helped shape us into the person we are today. I'm sorry to hear that growing up was so difficult for you, but as you said, in the long run, it shaped you into the wonderful, confident person that you are today. emoticon emoticon
    1023 days ago
  • v MCFITZ2
    I am so glad that you were able to blossom. You found people who lovingly gave you the opportunity to become in your own eyes what they were able to see n you.

    1023 days ago
    I am in awe of what you've overcome. HE truly put these precious people and events in your life to guide you along the path He chose for you. I am so glad that with the sorrows you had growing up you found the guidance and blossomed into the wonderful person you are today.

    1023 days ago
    I'm glad you found the power to overcome the childhood injustice and grow into a strong adult. I wasn't compared to anyone but nothing was good enough for my mother. I grew up believing I can't do anything right and gave up many things. years later I understood it was her twisted way to " stimulate" me. it never occurred to her that it didn't . as for women priests it was normal before judaism and Jesus doesn't tell anywhere that women should be banned . there is a story in the bible about Mary and Martha, Mary chooses to listen to the word of God so it's obviously meant for women, He doesn't say women to the kitchen and men listen to Me.maybe one day the church will do something about it or maybe not.
    1023 days ago
  • v THM_DEB
    Funny how some faiths believe God would not allow women to teach and take care of the flock..when the bible said women should be quiet in church people didn't study that back then women sat in the back and could have been going what did he say asking their husband hence ask when u get home instead of disrupting the sermon. Jesus followers were women as well I'm sure spread his word which is preaching. Glad u found a women pastor...
    1023 days ago
    Nancy Jean wow I am so grateful for your willingness to share your life story. You have blessed me each day with your giving. Life has its many challenges, but with God we are blessed. Your having nothing. but gratitude for each of your experiences is beautiful.
    1023 days ago
    You are emoticon you came through such a lot of negative things in your life and have not let it define you. You are an Inspiration and I am privileged to get to know you as friend here on Sparkpeople. emoticon
    1023 days ago
  • v MSLZZY
    That should never happen to anyone but you didn't let it kill your spirit! HUGS!
    1024 days ago
    Wow Nancy Jean! What a beautiful tribute to your Pastor Gail and your God. I was really moved by your story. I agree that "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" and that you kept faith for a long, long time. In the end you are a shining example of a life well lived and I'm grateful to be getting to know you through SP!! You inspire me. I, too, got a lot of what I needed in the Army.
    1024 days ago
    Nancy Jean, I felt like crying when I read about your experiences as a child. I am so glad that people came into your life who saw you and accepted you for who you are. I know you know that God was with you every step of the way, but even knowing that, there was a lot of pain!

    What a testimony you have! Thank you for sharing! emoticon
    1024 days ago
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