Well, here I am... yet again.
I am not sure what I feel now days, I am not sure where I am headed or where I am even coming from. All I know is that I just can't live like this anymore.
I have lived in pain for too long...
I have spent the last 10 years of my life struggling for where I deserve to be in life. Struggling to find who I am and who I wish to be. I have found that I am someone who has blamed many things on where I am in life, and who I have become. I have found that I have blamed other people on my lot in life. I have discovered that I have played the victim many times.
Then the most amazing part come to light...
I have discovered I am strong. I am a survivor in many things. I am a person people can look up to. I do not have to be a victim, I can be a winner!
I have started my weight loss journey so many times I cannot even count anymore. I am not concentrating on that anymore. I am not concentrating on how many times I have failed. I cannot look at where I have been, only continue to look at where I am going.
Since I do not know where I wish to be heading then I am making it simple this time, I am just simply moving forward.
No more trying to reshape my whole life all at once.
No more trying to reach out to those who do not care.
No more bowing my head in shame from the things said to me when I fail.
Those that have judged me in the past can watch me walk away and take note of the view... my behind. See it, note it, and keep on standing in your own pool of judgmental soup, it's your own mess, stay there.
I will no longer whine and cry because those people hurt me.
I will no longer whine and cry because those people say they care but walk away.
I will no longer take it personal when someone wants to come clean up my yard when theirs is a mess as well.
If you do not wish to support me, then shut up! If you do not wish to eat what I eat, then fix it yourself! If you do not wish to see a bubbly, happy, person who just wants to be excited at how far she has come, then there is the door!
I will not let anyone drag me down anymore!
I am in control of my destiny and darn it, I am going to make something of it!
If you wish to join me, then stand beside me. If you wish to walk with me, then walk beside me. If you wish to laugh, then laugh with me.
I am taking back control of me and taking it away from those I have given it to in the past who just wish to use it, abuse it, and tear it to pieces!
I will not stand for it anymore!
I want to smile.
I want to be happy.
I want to finally be me!
Watch out world, I am finding my way back!