Sunday, November 03, 2013
I think (read: know for a fact) I gave up on myself this week.
It didn't start that way, though. My week actually started with major progress. I spent last weekend gutting out my room and completely redoing it. I think I put in at least 24-30 hours of work between house cleaning and moving furniture between Friday and Monday. My sleep suffered for it, though.
That led to quickie meals and naps rather than sleep. The meals, still, weren't that bad. Homemade pasta salad that conforms to a migraine headache diet, homemade egg salad...things like that. Still relatively sane.
Unfortunately, the lack of sleep and frustration caught up with me...
My lack of sleep has led to several days (read: about a week) of being forever exhausted and not having the energy to do anything. Sigh. I have severe depression and vestibular migraines. I DON'T NEED MORE REASONS TO BE EXHAUSTED OR HAVE A LACK OF ENERGY!!!
Trying to conform to a very strict migraine diet has led to ever increasing frustration. An overwhelming majority of the things that I enjoy are on the "do not eat/drink" list. Plus, I'm on the go a lot and do not have much free time. So, fixing things to go is difficult at best. Add to that conforming to a diet that pretty much calls for whole, fresh foods when money doesn't quite exist to get it (and what does belongs to the person in the house who actually has the purchasing power...and she is NOT about to give up all the crappy food that she enjoys) and it's a recipe for disaster. It doesn't help that I'm being bombarded by my family getting things they KNOW I like and can't have (because THEY want it) and saying, "Do you want...oh yeah...I forgot you can't have it" followed by eating it right in front of me.
So, I gave up on myself. I gave up on my diet. I gave up on trying to feel better. I gave up on trying to eliminate migraines via diet. Instead, I said hello to my dark roast coffee, McDonald's food, chocolate and a tiny amount of aged cheese.
Two added pounds later, I'm frustrated yet again. So much for losing weight. Sigh.
What's a girl to do?