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    IVY315   2,093
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Saturday, November 02, 2013

I'm a food addict. I binge eat in private; my car, my closet, at home when everyone else is at school or work.
I used to be thin. At 5'6" I was 132lbs and a perfect size 4. Now, i am 190lbs and size 14. About 15 years ago I began to exhibit signs of low thyroid function. After 3 years of my complaining, my doctor finally agreed to test this and placed me on Synthroid. I believe the lack of action caused something to 'break' physically as it was during this period that I began to gain weight despite healthy habits.
Seven years ago our family experienced financial difficulty and I suffered emotional betrayal and distress within a personal relationship. It was at this time that I fell into compulsive eating behaviors and gained even more weight.
The whole scenario is so frustrating. I used to be the active, attractive wife/mom. Now I see myself as an embarrassment to my husband and child. I NEVER look at myself in the mirror. I only evaluate my outfit or my makeup, but never, ever my body. I generally don't allow pictures of me to be taken, but lately I've been caught in the background of some photos and I am mortified by my appearance. I can't hide. I need to address my issues and behaviors. I have to get back to my better self.
I am reading about food addiction and recovery. I will be using this forum as my journal in conjunction with my self-improvement. I intend to be honest about my actions and to adhere to a plan. I will NOT be obsessing or talking about food specifically since I don't feel that would be productive. Food is not the problem. My relationship with food is the problem.
Moving forward, I am publicly committing to NO secret eating, NO secret shopping, CLEAN eating and regular EXERCISE.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIJ16 11/4/2013 8:30AM

    Thank you for your honest assessment. You are on the right path. You can't fix what you don't acknowledge so you have taken the first step. Your goal plan is a good one.

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ROSEPETAL205 11/3/2013 11:21AM

    You took the first step; you admitted the problem. There are articles on this site about emotional eating that may help you. They certainly have helped me. One thing I found helpful was to write a blog when I am heading for a binge. And I write until I get it all out. If I still feel overwhelmed with the desire to binge; I go outside. Away from the kitchen, I don't get in my car or fast food would be my destination. I just sit on the deck, even if it is cold, to distract the overwhelming desire to binge. As I see the trees, grass, birds, squirrels and clouds I usually calm down. If that doesn't do it, I keep a huge bowl of salad in the frig right up front, I grab that whole bowl and return to the deck and eat that salad until I am full. Even if I eat the whole bowl it's only mixed greens, celery, radish and cucumber. Not many calories, a lot of chew value, takes time to eat it, and I can calm myself down. Hope this helps you. emoticon

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INNERJETTIC 11/3/2013 1:38AM

    You were so brave with your honesty. I feel the same way about having pictures taken of me too. I'm glad you're here. There are lots of nice, understanding, supportive people here. Just don't be so hard on yourself. You need to return to your healthy habits, but you don't need a drill sargent, k?

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LETHA_ 11/3/2013 12:22AM

    Sparkpeople is a wonderful resource for meeting your goals!
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CAROL494 11/2/2013 9:24PM

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