Saturday, November 02, 2013
I'm a food addict. I binge eat in private; my car, my closet, at home when everyone else is at school or work.
I used to be thin. At 5'6" I was 132lbs and a perfect size 4. Now, i am 190lbs and size 14. About 15 years ago I began to exhibit signs of low thyroid function. After 3 years of my complaining, my doctor finally agreed to test this and placed me on Synthroid. I believe the lack of action caused something to 'break' physically as it was during this period that I began to gain weight despite healthy habits.
Seven years ago our family experienced financial difficulty and I suffered emotional betrayal and distress within a personal relationship. It was at this time that I fell into compulsive eating behaviors and gained even more weight.
The whole scenario is so frustrating. I used to be the active, attractive wife/mom. Now I see myself as an embarrassment to my husband and child. I NEVER look at myself in the mirror. I only evaluate my outfit or my makeup, but never, ever my body. I generally don't allow pictures of me to be taken, but lately I've been caught in the background of some photos and I am mortified by my appearance. I can't hide. I need to address my issues and behaviors. I have to get back to my better self.
I am reading about food addiction and recovery. I will be using this forum as my journal in conjunction with my self-improvement. I intend to be honest about my actions and to adhere to a plan. I will NOT be obsessing or talking about food specifically since I don't feel that would be productive. Food is not the problem. My relationship with food is the problem.
Moving forward, I am publicly committing to NO secret eating, NO secret shopping, CLEAN eating and regular EXERCISE.