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    CWYNN01   71,392
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Where Do I begin, Married Overweight, A Mother of 2 & FAT... What will my kids think of me???

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Let's see... I'm feeling some kind of way on this boring Saturday night. Thanks for reading.... I'm a BALL OF EMOTIONS right now emoticon

I'm in a new city, working in a new place. I'm newly married for almost 7 months and got married at 230 pounds and now I'm about 241 pounds. I'm a mother of 2 teenage boys who have mostly known me as an overweight mom to them. I wonder what they will think of me when they become adults, what will be their thoughts of me as their mother????


Will my sons only remember that their mom always struggled with being the "FAT MOM" all of their childhood. I've only been healthy 2 years out of their 14 & 13 years on this earth. What does that say about me, what will be their thoughts when they become parents??? I feel like a bad mom, a bad wife.

I sit here in tears.. My husband doesn't deserve to have a "FAT WIFE".. He's such handsome man & he deserves a healthy, fit wife. Why is it so difficult for me to find the determination to stay focused. I found out I have tendinitis in my left foot & meant no working out this week but I need to get back on that wagon because I have to complete this journey.

I start off strong & then begin to fade.. I'm going a girls trip next July to Essence & I don't want to be the ONLY overweight Friend!! So, I've already lost this week & need to get back on that horse.

I just have so many thoughts running thru my mind & so much to say... UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! SO DA$N FRUSTRATING!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PLATINUM755 11/12/2013 8:36PM

    I could repeat all that has been said by other Sparkers, but I'm not even though I agree with them. Instead I'm going to ask you to answer one question for yourself: What's really eating at you? Whatever it is (and 'it' could be more than one thing), there's what you need to address and add to your planning so you can go in the direction you want to go. MAKE the time to start unraveling the ball of emotions and find your calm. It's not an easy task, grant you. I know that from experience however it's worth it.

The power IS in YOU to make your goals happen. emoticon emoticon

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GODZDESIGN95 11/8/2013 7:32PM

    You sons love you no matter what size you are. You are their mom. I know it is tough. We women are so hard on ourselves. We judge ourselves and then let others opinions define us. We should learn to love our bad selves just as we are. Strong, determined and we rock. Girl I could tell you some stories. But instead I will say I am 175.6 and i am beautiful. My weight does not define me and my worth. I am 53 years old and have seen a lot self doubt and even as a girl hatred. Why the hate because of the lies I was told. Now I know whom I am. I am sure you will figure out how to get the ball rolling again. Start out slow and push past whatever. tweak your meals, exercise. Emotional eater like me have more problems then exercise. For me it is the total package. Mind, spirit and body I am trying to work on all three. you can do it! You have come this far. When the ugly voices come your way like calling yourself fat .....beat them down with positive talk of yourself. Love whom you are now 200 plus pounds. Do not let your mind keep you from your goals. Tell those voices to get lost! Your husband loves you and want you to learn to love you too.

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LOVELYLYNDA 11/8/2013 6:13PM

    I think you are thinking about it more than your boys and your husband do. It is so much easier to belittle ourselves. Would your husband really call you a "fat wife"? Would your boys really think of you as "fat mom"?

From your pictures, I see nothing wrong with you. In fact, if we were friends meeting for coffee, I would tell you to stop calling yourself fat. You are taking the steps to make the changes you want to see in life, so focus on that. You are doing something positive for yourself so you will be healthier and be around for your husband and kids.

Moving doesn't really help, because you need to develop a whole new social network. It can be tough and stressful, but you can do it. emoticon

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PURPLEPEONY 11/4/2013 6:41PM

    Try doing chair exercises. Track your food (even when you pig out). Slowly make changes to your diet. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHOAPIE 11/4/2013 12:06PM

    Ease up on yourself. Focus on loving yourself. Start with 1 thing you like about yourself and build on it. Your children and husband love you as you are now, don't they?

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PATTISTAMPS 11/4/2013 10:18AM

    Oh Cassandra! I think you might be starting off too strongly. You have to be able to do the fitness stuff forever... so putting in 20 or 30 hours a week to work out is not sustainable even if you don't have a job and a family!!! Balance is everything. I know how hard you work at this, and I think you are working too hard! Try to work out for 180 to 240 minutes a week. Don't go overboard. And then the food... You are so petite that it is hard to lose weight. But it is not impossible. The sugar and "bad carbs" are the culprits. But don't try to go cold turkey, either. You need a lifetime plan. Be kink to yourself. Love yourself. I love you, as do your family, your friends, and most of all your husband. So take a deep breath, and try to set reasonable goals for yourself that you and your family can live with. Maybe you don't fry foods anymore. Maybe you don't buy sweets. What ever small steps you can take will help.

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Patti

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SHERYLP461 11/4/2013 9:09AM

    Start loving yourself. Everyone else already does. Use the principal of one day at a time, you can break it down even further to one hour at a time. Just tell yourself for one hour I will/won't _________. By that time the urge to do will pass and you will have already done.

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CHRISTASP 11/4/2013 8:00AM

    Well, I think love would not be love if it wasn't able to look past appearances and appreciate the person inside.
Hurray you are newly married and in a new city and you have a job.



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QUERISTCHIUN 11/3/2013 11:54PM

    Please, please, please be gentle with yourself. Do you know what your husband thinks of you? Your kids think of you? They think "beautiful wife that I love, strong and capable mother that I adore."

I beg of you not to complain to your children about being "fat." Because they will soon start to see you that way. I loved my mother, ADORED her, and one day complimented her. I was maybe 6 or 7. When I told her how beautiful she looked, she got upset and said she's be beautiful if she wasn't fat. Until that moment I had never cared or noticed. But anytime I said anything to her, it was shot down with how "ugly and fat" she was. So you know what? Since I trusted her judgement, since I looked up to her so much, I began to think of my mother as fat and ugly. I would tell her when things made her look "less fat."

I remember coming home from college to visit thinking how long it had been since I saw my parents, and kind of mentally acknowledging I would be laying eyes on that ugly fat woman I called my mother.

You know what? I was ASTOUNDED to walk back through the door and see her as the beautiful woman I had always remembered. Sure, she's overweight. She still is. But you know what? So are a lot of people. It doesn't mean you are at all somehow less than them. Less deserving of love. Less deserving of feeling beautiful, successful, capable, strong. But in her mind, and the reality she had conditioned me to believe, she was reduced to nothing but "fat and ugly" for so many years.

Take time to love yourself. You deserve it. You also deserve to love yourself enough to get healthy, but you know what? You'll be more successful at it if you love yourself along the way, too. emoticon emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 11/3/2013 12:21PM

    As has been said, start in small achievable steps. emoticon
Also turn it around. Find the motivation within yourself, not just for the men in your life, but for yourself. Do you want to be an active part of your sons' lives as they (potentially) marry and have children? Do you want to have an active, healthy and long life with your groom? Then you must (as I must) light that inner spark so that you own some of this. I want to dance at my youngest niece's wedding. She just turned 7. I have nearly 100 lbs to lose and I need to get on the stick. Her older brothers will be graduating from school and I don't want to be the fat one in the pictures! Those thoughts propel me forward and, when I allow it, give me pause to make the right choices on a daily basis. Eat this instead of that. Walk instead of spend time on the computer...etc.
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LIGHTNINGRUNNER 11/3/2013 10:21AM

    You can do it. Start small and add to it. 15 minutes each day after each week at 5 minutes more. Make sure you are comfortable before adding more. Remember it takes 28 days to make a habit. Choose 1 fitness focus and 1 eating focus. Remember portion control more than denying yourself. Use Spark to get your strength to keep with your plan. Write it down - post it everywhere. You can do it.

I found that $$ motivates me. Pay yourself for moving each day for the minutes you set and your nutrition goal. Each Day. if you don't want to use money use marbles or rocks or anything. Start each week with an empty jar and fill it for each week. It helped me.

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SUEPERWOMAN 11/3/2013 9:09AM

 
I just wanted to say that I acknowledge your feelings. It certainly IS a possibility that your weight is "saying something" to your children and to your husband. I don't doubt that they all love you very much, but it's great that you realize that your overweight is something that you need to work on. Me, too.
You're a beautiful woman and I can tell you have a sweet heart. Now is the time to work on the outside. I support you as you get healthy!

Love, Ginger

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KRISTA987 11/3/2013 9:05AM

    Your family loves you for who you are not what you look like!

I know things can seem hopeless at times, but just take a step back and relax. So you had a bad day / week. Today is the start of a new week & its a brand new month! You can do this! Take it one day at a time & don't beat yourself up over the past. It's over & there is nothing you can do to change that. The future is wide open for you & it can be whatever you want it to be, as long as you're determined & willing to put in the work.

I read a good quote once that helped put things in perspective for me. It was something like 'you didn't gain the pounds overnight, so don't expect to loose them overnight'. It's so true! This journey is going to take time & you can only do it for yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

Just know that you are not alone & you always have your spark people family here to support & listen to you! You CAN do this!!!

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Comment edited on: 11/3/2013 9:06:34 AM

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FITMARY 11/3/2013 6:06AM

    The fact that you are here posting and trying (even through tears!) shows you are still committed. So that's a great thing!!! Change happens slowly, very slowly so you just have to keep trudging forward, believing that staying active is good for you, even when it doesn't show on the scale. Keep moving forward. You have tendinitis, but that doesn't have to stop you cold. You can continue to exercise. Right on this site are some awesome videos about exercising your upper body. There are ways for people in wheelchairs to exercise so, guess what, you can do that too! My motto, taken from Spark People, is "Just 10 Minutes." Promise to do "Just 10 Minutes" of exercise a day, NO MATTER WHAT. You'll be amazed at how far that can take you. Don't give up!
KEEP PUSHING!
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NOWYOUDIDIT 11/3/2013 5:31AM

    My kids have never been scarred by my weight. They love me un-conditionally as I love them un-conditionally. I know your precious boys must feel the same about you! Your precious husband loved you to marry you the way you are. You are not a number on a scale! :o) You are so much more!

Don't give up- it will come. It's for life now and you can do it!! :o)
We are all here to encourage you!
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THINFITFEMINIST 11/3/2013 5:18AM

    Your sons and your dh will have many thoughts all based on THEIR thoughts of themselves. You my dear are not the determining factor of their experience.

What you think about yourself is the main issue at hand. You've already stated you are disappointed with yourself. You had a great rant here.

So I ask YOU what will you think of yourself if you lose your weight?
What will you think of yourself as a healthy individual?
What will you think of yourself when you stay on program?


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MEDDYPEDDY 11/3/2013 2:58AM

    My mom was overweight and always struggling with her weight. How do I remember her? I remember that I loved her very much, that I loved her sence os humour and her kindness and how clever she was in her profession. I remember that I am so sad that she hated herself enough to try to cimmit suicied a couple of time and that she never understood what a beautiful person she was, makes me want to cry.

I am trying very hard not to repeat her mistake. I am also a fat mom, I never talk about dieting or trying to lose weight in the presence of my child, I try not to voice opinions on weight at all in fron ot her. I am working hard to try to love myself unconditionally, I deserve it and my daughter deserve it.

Thanks for writing, it helped me a lot!

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JIBBIE49 11/3/2013 1:03AM

    Look up the channel on YouTube HEALING MAGIC that has Robert Smith talking about doing EFT Tapping.

EFT Tapping is a psychological method of learning to "tap" into your inner emotions.

You say "I;M A BALL OF EMOTIONS". Well, Robert Smith helps deal with that state of mind.

He says weight loss is about learning to deal with emotions. Many of us were told "Clean Your Plate or else", etc. and we have to break those old messages in our head.

I have learned a lot about EFT Tapping.

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BROWNIEISLANDER 11/2/2013 11:22PM

    Its a lot of great advice given with love....Love from your home circle.....So go
On now and with thanksgiving for being Alive....Do your healthy things to be around....making the dreams a Reality! emoticon emoticon
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WOUBBIE 11/2/2013 11:16PM

    The SparkFriends who have already posted have said a lot of the positive things you need to hear, and I thoroughly agree with them. But you also need some tough love here.

What is your plan for losing weight, and, more importantly, keeping it off? Does it involve willpower and grit or is it more natural, nourishing your body and your mind?

If you are still having food cravings you have to treat yourself as if you have an allergy to those foods and CAN NOT EAT THEM.

If you use food to replace dealing with problems head on and solving them, you need to find more productive outlets for your emotions. (Hmmm, do I hear the word "exercise"?)

You are not weak, damaged, unlovely, unloved, or unlovable. You are just a little sidetracked. If you research what works for people, you'll find that changing habits for good and for ever is what will get you where you want to go.

You can do this! For yourself and yourself alone. All three of your boys love you no matter what you weigh, and you already know that, right?

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KELLIEBEAN 11/2/2013 10:46PM

    Everybody has given you great advice. Kids love their parents unconditionally!

I know how hard it is but don't let this overwhelm you. Keep it simple. Did you see the Fit to Feast Challenge on spark people? Just 10 minutes of activity a day. Will your doctor allow you to take easy walks?

There are great seated workouts you can do on spark people. Think only in terms of a few minutes each day. Not the past, not what may or may not happen in the future, just today.

You deserve the very best you!

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 11/2/2013 10:15PM

    Wynn, you must love who you are to the fullest. You know your husband and children love you to bits. They love who you are. I know they love you for you. The issue and the question is. Do you love you for you? Your worries are worries we all have faced. I've faced them too. I've asked those what ifs, and do they, and what they think of me, and how do they really feel about me. I think this is a (self) issue. How do you feel about yourself? And from what I'm gathering, you don't feel that good about yourself, and you're wondering if they feel the same way. I think they love you and think highly of you. I think they want you to love yourself as much as they love you.

I feel they know and think the sun and the moon shines within your eyes, and the stars twinkles your unconditional love for them, and they wish you had the same unconditional love for yourself. You my dear friend must love yourself unconditionally as you do them. You my friend must let go of all these un-concerning factors on who and what they think of you, because when they see you and think of you they think of the BEST and only see the BEST in you.

You're wifey & You're mom!

The question is. Do you see the best in you or is your only concern is what they think of you and what they deserve. You deserve the best and you have every right to say you deserve the best (from) you. SO stop worrying about their concerns, how they feel about you, because your family, the men in your life see's only the best in you and love you for you.

You my friend must open your eyes and see the best in you too and start embracing that.

Peace & Blessings

Lynn

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MOMELA79 11/2/2013 10:00PM

    151,924 fitness minutes!!!! WOW!!! You just lost your momentum. I have faith you will get it back.

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1CRAZYDOG 11/2/2013 9:36PM

    Yes, IMHO it's definitely a matter of you being loved by your family and have to get to love YOU! Take the time to get to fall in love with you.

HUGS and just know, your DH and sons love you.


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DIANNEMT 11/2/2013 9:36PM

    You are loved by others just for being you. So--love YOURSELF and you might find it easier to take better care of yourself. Sounds silly but -- give yourself a goodie and write yourself a nice note--like you would to a friend. Treat yourself the way you treat friends and you may find it easier. You CAN do it.

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JUDITHANNIE 11/2/2013 9:15PM

    Don't beat yourself up. Your boys will love you no matter how much you weigh. You are still a good Mom and wonderful wife. Your husband didn't fall in love with a thin person, he fell in love with you. Don't be so hard on yourself it's not worth the stress and grief. They love you for who you are. I'm not doing to well either right now but I keep on trying. Never give up....... emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/2/2013 9:04PM

    Please forgive yourself and move on. One of these days everything will kick in and you will make it happen.

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TIGER_LILY_613 11/2/2013 8:24PM

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. If your best friend spoke of herself this way, what would you say ?

The people in your life love you for YOU. Your size does not diminish this fact in any way. My mother was plump growing up, but all I remember thinking of her as a child was that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, because SHE loved me and SHE cared for me.

Do this for you. Do this because you want to be healthy. Because you don't want to have aches and pains that stop you from doing the things you enjoy. Because you want to have the joy of feeling great ! Find your "WHY" and do it for you. Those who love you will love you anyway. You'll just be giving them a new opportunity to cheer you on your way to a goal you've set for yourself.

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PRINCESS_SOFI 11/2/2013 7:55PM

    emoticon Your family loves you. Now it is time to love yourself too. emoticon

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MERRYMARY42 11/2/2013 7:53PM

    your sons will love you unconditionally, and you should love yourself as well, you can succeed in your weight loss just set a goal, make a plan, and keep it realistic you can do it emoticon

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LESSOFMOORE 11/2/2013 7:48PM

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