I have read and heard that one important aspect to reaching goals is support.
Support is one aspect of life that I have neglected. I isolate a lot.
I went to a support group workshop recently, and this workshop really brought up some feelings for me. I have both a growing awareness of the issues and feelings as well as the willingness to work on the issues and feelings.
I've had everything bottled up inside for some time now. I had almost written off a particular person, I'll call her "Alicia," for support. I thought she didn't have time for me.
I went to my support group today where tears just welled up inside me, and I knew I had to ask someone if I could talk to her. I was planning on reaching out to "Brittany" whom I'd never opened up to before. Brittany left the meeting early, and so I thought, I have to go for it, and so I chased after her out the door of the meeting. I caught her outside the meeting and in the midst of tears, asked if I could call her since I was, as I put it, "hemorrhaging emotionally." Brittany said I could call her. Who knows what she's thinking--oh, well. I gotta do what I gotta do.
I went back into the meeting. At the end, I asked Alicia (the one I thought didn't have time for me) one more time if I could have lunch with her, and she said she had plans. I said I really needed to talk to someone, and she went outside with me. I was crying and saying that I couldn't find anyone to talk to lately, and she said that I could talk to her anytime. I said that I had tried to contact her but hadn't heard back from her, and apparently she didn't get my most recent voicemail (I'm thinking that she heard it and might have forgotten . . . she's got a lot going on herself.)
She invited me to come to her house after her lunch date, and so I went to her house and shared with her what I was going through and working on. I talked with her for about an hour. She was a great person to talk to. I feel like a load has been lifted off my chest.
I feel like I need MORE MORE MORE of this--space and opportunity to talk to someone. I am conflicted, because in the past I have talked my mom's ears off (or so it seemed to me), and I was left feeling like I was talking too much. I think the problem is that I just don't need to go to my mom anymore (I haven't gone to her much this past year.)
I definitely need to be heard, and I don't want to be a person who insensitively takes advantage of a listening ear and talks someone's ears off. I tend to "undertalk" until I can't take it anymore, and then I grab someone and talk talk talk.
It's a hard thing.
Maybe my reaching out today has been a GREAT step for me. I think so. I'm pretty sure it's so. It's probably so. It is so.