Saturday, November 02, 2013
So, I'm going to do this.... Write a gratitude blog every day in November. My mom did this on Facebook last year and so the Czechoslovakian superstitious part of me is scared to death to do that! When we read all my mom's entries after her death on 12/12/12 it almost sounded as if she knew she was going to die. I hope me creating a Thankfulness Blog will not "kill me"! It came on very quickly and has taken me way, way down, but as soon as Halloween came I got seriously depressed. I'm struggling right now. But, I know I have so much for which to be thankful each day! I do. But, I swear, life has been tough on me, really, really tough.
As you already know, the 9th anniversary of my brother's death was October 29. The 4th anniversary of my Grandpap's death was October 30. Halloween was always fun in my family and when it rolls around it just makes me miss my brother, sister and mother more! So, on Halloween I started thinking and that is never a good thing for me.... I thought.... Oh! Here comes Thanksgiving. What will we do? If I didn't go to the beach to see my friend, Mike & Craig, I had dinner with my parents and Anthony's parents. Well, don't know what Craig is doing this year because Mike died in June. Even if he was still doing Thanksgiving, I can't go because I have my dad in assisted living and he will need me. I guess I will have dinner here. I did last year and my mom anddad came very late because my mom could not catch her breath, yet she made it! We laughed and laughed! It was great. This year it will be me and hubby, Dad and my in-laws. Everything has to do with my MIL and she is a negative and even nasty person. She will go on and on how this is the first Thanksgiving for me and my dad without my mom and then somehow turn it all around to be about her. Then comes Christmas Eve. No matter what I went home for Christmas Eve. My mom would prepare tons of cookies and make all of her traditional Czech Christmas food. She was dead by Christmas Eve last year, but Dad still had the gathering and we had mom's food she and her friends and my dad had prepared. It was good despite my mom not being there. I can't even imagine what I will do with myself and my dad this Christmas Eve. That led to me thinking of our annual Christmas picture, me, Anthony and Jack. Well, Jack died in May. Yes, we have sweet Sassy, but I miss my Jack every day and I remembered lat year how healthy and happy he was in December! I am crying my eyes out right now if you can't tell! So, I need to concentrate on all the good. All the blessings. Even if I feel in no way blessed!
November 1: I am thankful for my parents. They both made lots of mistakes as I grew up with them, but they also did alot of good! I knew I was loved no matter what I did. I knew they would support every adventure, every educational pursuit, every decision, eventhe ones they didn't think were so good! One thing comes to mind.... When we first bought our house (Anthony & I) I drove the lawn mower with Anthony's help. I was so excited to drive since it was the first time since I lost my sight! I called and told my mom. She and my dad showed up the next day with a certificate they made on the computer for being an ace lawnmower driver! Dad still is supportive even in his sstroke diminished state. They took us on trips, they always made birthdays and holidays special. They were/are good people! I am who I am today because of them.... Quite a bit spoiled, but caring and compassionate.
November 2: Today I am grateful for my husband. What a special man! He cares. When I had my broken leg, he bathed me, washed my hair, even removed a catheter! He puts up with my mix of Diabetic and Gemini moods! He helps keep me spoiled! He laughs with me and he cries with me. He sometimes actually can read my mind and really, that just kinda pisses me off! But, he will show up with something I was craving! He is generous to a fault with everyone. He loves Sassy and he loved Jack. Babies and animals love him on sight! He is good to my family and has been since the beginning. He does the stuff for my dad that being blind prevents me from doing. He is good to his parents even though they can make it rough. He truly is a good man. I'm pretty sure I don't deserve him, but somehow we ended up together! For that, I am thankful
I'll continue this and if it does kill me I'll leave instructions for Anthony to let all my Spark Friends know. Thank you. I'm going to work on cheering myself up!