Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    DAWNRHARV   10,048
SparkPoints
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints
 
 

I've fallen and I can't get up!!! ACK!


Friday, November 01, 2013

SO.... October is behind us... and it was a tough month... quite possibly the toughest one yet...

We finished radiation, but the burns he experienced after this round were just horrific. We've gone thru tubs of silvadene trying to give him some relief... the pain was excruciating. We had to change dressings up to 5 and 6 times a day for over a week. Finally they are healing and he's much more comfortable, although he's got a mess of lumps and angry purple red color on his chest now, which I'm afraid are more lymph nodes,... he is convinced it's more burns, but I'm not, as it is out of the radiation field.... We saw the liver doc this week, asked about pain meds and what is less stress on his liver... she said (with the utmost kindness...) it doesn't matter at this point, we are keeping him as comfortable as possible.... They are going thru the steps to put him on methadone as the morphine and oxycontin aren't effective enough. *SIGH*.... so... we get up, put on a smile, and work hard to make every day a good one, and cherish every moment we have. But emotionally and mentally, this is really really hard....

THEN... I got terribly sick this month... not sure what was going on... *DISCLAIMER... about to go into some way TMI here... feel free to scroll*
......
.....
.....
.....

I got really sick one day... ended up with the worst bout of dirrhea I'd had in my entire life. And to really make it bad, I was having some bleeding like I'd never experienced before either. Needless to say, I ended up paying way too much $ to have a perfect stranger (doctor at urgent care) stick her finger where it didn't belong. emoticon emoticon emoticon It's not hemorrhoids, so she said it's likely ulcerative colitis, put me on ciprofloxacin, one of the worst antibiotics you can take with horrible side effects... needless to say, I was completely derailed. Horrible gut cramps, but finally after several days, the bleeding stopped. I've still not been back to Curves, as I've been exhausted, had some dizziness, etc. But it's been a few weeks and I've got to do SOMETHING as it seems all I worked for has just gone to crap.

THEN.... got a call from my Hazel, a dear, dear friend from Kansas who has been like a mother to me for the past 5 years since my own mother (and fathr) decided I wasn't worthy of being spoken to anymore.... Well she's got lung cancer.. it's non-small cell and aggressive. So Mark and I went to Kansas for the weekend. Got to see her, the grandbabies, and it was a much needed bit of R&R. Spent alot of time resting in the room, but also got to sit in the hottub a couple of times... great NSV on that trip was discovering that the swimsuit I wore in May (hotel stay while there for my daughter's wedding) is now WAY too big. YAY! =) I was still able to wear it, but really look forward to wearing a different one I have on the next trip... whenever that is.. or, better yet, having to get one in a smaller size!!!! =) Made my DAY. And seeing my Hazel and my littlest grandson Eli... priceless.

So that brings us to now. I still drink some water, but not nearly enough. I've become lax on food and I've been drinking some soda from time to time. All of these are things I was NOT doing before. How I've not gained back 10 - 15 lbs I'll never know, but I am up a little over 2 lbs. Time to take it back before I'm right back where I've started. I want to be under 300 by Christmas. (By thanksgiving would be better, but trying to be very realistic here). My sister in law who has been doing weight watchers since about the time I've gotten back at it on here is moving steadily along and has now lost almost 70 lbs. WOW. Time for me to get with the program. I know hard work and dedication and diligence will bring success. I know that it DOES matter. I know that despite all that's going on in our lives right now, I can't continue to try to feed the fear and anxiety with FOOD... it won't help anything. SO... here's my feeble attempt to take back my life.. AGAIN...

Trying to find the patience, courage and tenacity to get with it and STAY with it. I've fallen, but I CAN get up, and I will. Starting right now. =)

SIDENOTE... I did find it quite remarkable that I was only gone for a couple weeks and I came back and Sparkpeople website start page looks COMPLETELY foreign to me. Will try to get a grasp on that... actually looks good and like it will work well, just need to adjust to the change. =)

Hope everyone is doing well, thanks for reading, and I'll try to not do another AWOL stint... That's my MO ya know.. do well for awhile, maybe even excel... then go awol and just give up. I can't do that this time. This is too important.

Keepin' the faith~
dawn
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJCANNON 11/3/2013 6:36AM

    emoticon When it rains, it pours as they say. Please know that you are in my Prayers. I am glad that you are on the mend. You already know that feeding the Fear and Anxiety with Food is not the answer.
emoticon Be Kind to yourself and know that we are here and This is a Safe, Non-Judgmental Place for venting and yelling whenever you need us.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME2BLOOM4ME 11/1/2013 11:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Wow, take care of yourself. If you don't take time to rest up and heal, all those who need your help won't be able to get it from you. Worry about yourself first of all. I hope things improve.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.
 


Other Entries by DAWNRHARV