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_MOBII_
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Depression and trigger foods don't mix

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Well, they mixed and that gives you a picture of what yesterday and today have been for me.
I have been trying to fight my current emotional down-slide for awhile now, I have been trying to focus (and blog about) all the good things, kind of a fake it til you make it approach. But yesterday...I just gave in to it. I literally sat and watched tv ALL day. Other than restroom trips and making breakfast and lunch, I did not get out of my chair.

Breakfast wasn't too bad, neither was lunch. Dinner, however, dinner was bad. I wanted Chinese for dinner last night. Its a huge trigger food for me, that's why we don't do the buffet anymore (by my choice). I had been able to control myself with doing takeout...it was a big accomplishment for me.
Until last night.
And breakfast this morning.
Then there was lunch today. (There was a lot left over)
I managed to reel myself back in for dinner, I had a couple small slices of pizza and that was it.
Somehow, I found room for candy too.
By the time I got to the candy, I realized that I was only after the temporary satisfaction that trigger foods bring, not to mention that chocolate has an effect on serotonin levels.

I can't even think how to calculate how many calories I had today. I don't think it was even 2500 The Chinese food was a lot of bulky veggies, but I am mad at myself for keeping my stomach so full for so long.
I felt like I was going through hell when I started eating normal people sized portions and felt very accomplished for shrinking the size of my stomach...I usually can't eat anywhere near the size portion that I used to eat and am very uncomfortable physically and emotionally when I over-do it.

I tried talking to my beau about how I am feeling lately, but depression is not something that he has experienced and how do you explain color to a blind person?
I told him that when my insurance kicks in at the first of the year, I think I need to find a doctor and go back on medication. I tried to explain to him that its NOT his fault, its really nothing to do with him. He doesn't understand why "he doesn't make me happy".
I am happy with him, its my 'self' that I am not happy with. It's not even that, its a chemical imbalance that I have control of sometimes and other times, I need help.

I NEED to pull myself back on track with my nutrition and exercise. I need to get out of the house. I need a job. I need my life back.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v YOYOGRAN
    I get these bouts too. Hate them. I have to try and stop myself thinking. I start thinking in the morning about how I am a bad person and bad karma etc. like you I switch off . You have been through so much the last few months and that might have been a trigger too. I think we eat like this to punish ourselves, a form of self hatred. I hope the depression passes soon. emoticon
    1029 days ago
  • v CLEARNIGHTSKY
    I struggle with depression, too!! I get it!! The approaching holiday season (it's really just two days for me . . . Thanksgiving and Christmas . . . well, three with New Year's . . . ) is particularly challenging for me.

    HANG IN THERE. You can do this. One minute at a time. Stop by anytime!!

    emoticon
    1031 days ago
  • v EMMACORY
    emoticon emoticon Depression is hard for folks to understand. Glad you are going to seek help. Blessings....
    1031 days ago
  • v GOULDSGRANITE
    You are really in a funk right now. From past, you are generally positive and fun loving. It happens to me too. We start to beat ourselves up over small missteps. Chinese food just makes me CRANKY! I used to LOVE it! Is it the MSG, the sodium, or what I don't know! We went for the buffet twice in the past month, way more than in the past year. Even though I avoided the starches, I still felt bloated and miserable for days later. Food or not? A job, some better nutrition and a good wokout, a pre-prescription for your depression. Two out of three are in your control, eh? You can do this thing. emoticon
    1032 days ago
  • v KIKKI-G
    I get down around this time of year too. Its the weather change & the darkness. The bad food temptations definitely are harder to avoid when you feel like that too. I just picked up my vitamin D for the season as I find that really helps. My depression is more seasonal, I tried medication but always went off of it once spring started & didn't see much op a point going through that every year. try to keep positive girl & know you're not alone.

    ps: you're right, someone who has never experienced depression has no idea. hopefully hes supportive regardless.
    1032 days ago
  • v LOLATURTLE
    I'm sorry you're going through this. And I'm sorry the added pressure you are feeling about food and exercise is making it more difficult. That can't be fun.

    I hope you do get a chance to see a doctor and find something that helps you. From what I understand, depression that results from chemistry in your brain is not something you can "talk yourself out of", so don't feel bad about that part of it, but do focus on the positive if it's something that helps you.

    As for your partner, I think it is hard for any of us to understand something we have not experienced, especially if it is difficult to describe. But I would hope he can come to an understanding that it is not about him; trying to make him feel better about your depression probably does not make YOU feel any better. emoticon

    If it helps at all, I have never experienced the kind of intense depression talked about in these posts, but the posts themselves really helped me to understand 1) kind of what it must be like to be depressed 2) why it is difficult to explain/describe, and 3) dos and don'ts when someone I care about is depressed. If you think it partly describes what you are experiencing, maybe showing it to your partner would help.

    http://hyperboleandahalf.bl
    ogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-i
    n-depression.html

    http:/
    /hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com
    /2013/05/depression-part-two.html

    (in case the links do not work, you can search for Hyperbole and a Half, that's the blog, and the posts are Adventures in Depression and Depression Part Two.)

    Take care, and do get whatever help you are able to.
    1032 days ago
  • v SANDRA2BTHIN
    emoticon emoticon
    1032 days ago
  • v DDOORN
    Ugh...been there, done that and STILL backslide too much now & then!

    When your insurance kicks in please consider seeing a therapist as well...a good therapist can make a HUGE difference! Plus healthy food choices and moving our bodies is a powerful anti-depressant also, often in studies proving to have much more benefit even than anti-depressant medication.

    However if anti-depressants have worked in the past, don't fix it if it ain't broken!

    But DO consider adding therapy to your anti-depressant arsenal. It can make SUCH a difference!

    Don
    1032 days ago
  • v BILL60
    Exercise and nutritional self-discipline are the very best meds. You can do it if you really want it. Good luck!!
    1032 days ago
  • v SMART4ANDREY
    Treating depressions with medication is not a good idea in 99% of cases, and doctors are happy to prescribe it...
    You need some alone time, think about what really matters in your life, set a priority to every thing that matter to you.
    Think what YOU can do on every point that is important to you.
    "Be happy", "Don't feel depressed", "Loose weight" these are all wrong for that list.
    You need to go deeper.

    1032 days ago
  • v RASPBERRY56
    I've BTDT on the joblessness and depression issues (yep, it sure does stink!).......sorry your beau doesn't understand - but it really isn't all that uncommon for close people in your circle to not necessarily "get it"..........

    emoticon
    1032 days ago
  • v KAREN608
    Too bad you have to wait till first of the year, but it is a light at the end of the tunnel. I phased out my meds as they make me sick to my stomach SO much and none other worked for me. So I really focus on keeping moving, and so far after months, so good. But I know all about a downturn when the brain chemicals act up. My DH doesn't get it either.
    1032 days ago
  • v SUSANBEAMON
    you have identified the problem and you have sorted out a possible solution. that is a great first step. keep it up. you can do it. emoticon
    1032 days ago
  • v AJB121299
    best of luck
    1032 days ago
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