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Chili Night

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Five days from now we will be in the air on our way to Oahu. Seeing our son and his family will be a real treat. Last time we saw them was in April. I guess 7 months isnít so bad. But little kids grow so fast. We havenít even met BjÝrn yet, but he is already sitting up on his own! Ingrid is 2 Ĺ years old. So much happens developmentally when they are young. One thing nice is my DIL often does FaceTime with me. She holds either their iPad or her iPhone up so the kids can see my face and I can talk to them. Even the baby smiles and laughs at me! I think itís amazing the technology now compared to when my kids were little.

I am not ďcelebratingĒ Halloween in any way. We donít get trick-or-treaters, partly because we keep the porch light off, and partly because there are very few kids on this cul-de-sac. My hubby never cared for this holiday and we didnít take the kids out door to door or to any festivals. We did get face paints and enjoyed giving the kids cat or tiger faces. They enjoyed that. But it was at other times, just for fun. When I was a kid, there was never a year that passed without making myself a costume and going out for candy. I think I was 11 when my parents decided I was too old to go door to door.

I made a crockpot full of chili today. Beans only, no meat. Some would say that isnít chili, but I donít care, I like it that way! Weíre waiting for our son to get here to enjoy chili and have a brownie for dessert. I will have extra chili that we wonít be able to eat before we leave, so I will freeze some of it. We had a 75-degree day, and itís supposed to be at least 70 this weekend until it only reaches 60 on Sunday. So itís not exactly chili weather. But Iím going to enjoy it.

Just wanted you all to know that Iím still here, and working on my mindset. My hubby is working on me by reminding me that he loves me as I am. When I was 210 pounds, he one time said if I didnít lose weight he would leave me. That stuck in my head, and now whenever I see myself in the mirror, even though Iíve lost 60 of those pounds, I freak out. (naked isnít a pretty sight) (clothed I donít feel so bad) I must have this deep down fear that he will leave me if I donít get super thin. Recently I have brought this up and he told me he knows he shouldnít have said that. He told me he would never leave me. He wants me to let go of that fear. Itís hard. But I have to start believing him; he says Iím too hard on myself.

I need to stop looking at myself naked!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LARISSA238 11/1/2013 6:22PM

    You need to learn to love your body the way it is now... or else when you get to your goal weight you won't be happy either. Your husband said a terrible thing, but you need to listen to him that he didn't mean that and that he loves you. It's going to take a lot of work, but you can do it!

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KNYAGENYA 11/1/2013 8:59AM

    You are beautiful as you are!

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KANOE10 11/1/2013 7:09AM

    Your husband was frustrated with your weight and said something he really did not mean. Try to believe him that he will not leave you. He does love you and has been so supportive of your weight loss efforts. You should be proud of yourself for losing 60 pounds. You will have a great trip to Hawaii. My body is not perfect with loose skin from losing weight. I am happy to be healthy and accept it. I hope you find a way to accept your body.

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CHRISTASP 11/1/2013 4:32AM

    Maybe you need to look at yourself naked with a more loving accepting eye... thinking about all that your body has done for you...
That mus be HARD to hear your husband say that. I must admit Iīm a bit mad with him for doing that. I think my personal response to such a statement would have been to GAIN weight, and maybe a lot more. That would not be wise, of course. Has he told you why he said it back then? Would it help if he did.
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_JODI404 10/31/2013 8:58PM

    Yummm, the chili sounds good!! Our temps dipped for a few days and we made potato soup and it was wonderful!! One of my all time favorite foods!

I'm so glad that your Hubby is working with you to give you the reassurance that you need. Living in fear is no way to live!! Work hard to let that go! Believe him, he loves you and sometimes people say things they really don't mean and really wish they could take back.

I have always felt that you are really hard on yourself. I think we all tend to be our own harshest critics -- so you are not alone! You have a wonderful loving family and you are worthy of love and you are LOVED!! Always remember that! Try to look at the positives as often as possible. Don't dwell in negative thoughts -- change the channel on those thoughts!

Glad you are hanging in there! I'm going through a really difficult time myself right now, and keeping a positive attitude is not always easy! I am working on it constantly because I believe it is worth it. If we are stressed out or unhappy it is usually because we are not accepting "what is". It comes down to the Serenity prayer -- if you can change it - great -- but if not, acceptance is the path to peace and happiness.

Take good care of yourself! You are so lucky to be going back to Hawaii and seeing your adorable grandkids!!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 10/31/2013 7:30PM

    Glad you are hanging in there and have a great trip to look forward to!
You have worked so hard to change and get healthy. Nobody is perfect..we all know that. We are all so much more than just our bodies. I can understand how what your husband said would stick with you and freak you out. I am hoping that you can move past that fear and feel comfortable. I know you have said he is so supportive of you!

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SUEPERWOMAN 10/31/2013 7:12PM

   
My husband has made similar comments. He wants to be commended for being faithful.
He's actually a very loving man, but I guess sometimes he feels he deserves someone who doesn't make love to her food. Still, I TOTALLY understand that feeling of dread you have because of what your husband said. It's all fine and good that he knows now he shouldn't have said it, but unfortunately it's one of those things that cannot be unsaid.

When you look at yourself naked, please remind yourself that you are a beautiful work in progress, which you are. Be gentle with yourself as you take the steps necessary to get yourself healthy. If you have a delicious slim body as a result of that, then isn't your husband the lucky one. But don't do it just for him. I won't, either. Let's make this journey all about us.

Love, Ginger

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