my a-ha moment!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
i was reading a blog by 111butterfly111 this morning. it was eye opening!
hopefully that link worked.
anyway, as i was reading the blog i was like, holy cow! that makes so much sense! then i started getting a little choked up. I can blame that on pms, right? she talks about taking care of a young child and why wouldn't she take care of herself with as much care and love.
exactly! why do i treat myself this way? i would never treat another person the way i treat myself. i wouldn't want dh eating the junk food that i eat. i have become an emotional closet eater. i would be beyond pi$$ed if i found out he stopped at the store on his way to work and bought junk food. i realize he uses the vending machine at work, but that's not daily, and it's not the equivalent of an entire extra meal. man, i'm a hypocrite! i'm full of self-realizations today. i would never want dd to drink the way i do. i'd be concerned about anyone who did drink the way i do. i am concerned about myself, i'm just not doing a very good job of fixing it.
i don't want dd drinking soda, and i just tell myself i'll stop drinking it when she gets old enough to understand what i'm doing. what if she's already old enough? i certainly wouldn't want her being obese and not doing enough to change it. i really have to come to terms with the kind of example i'm setting.
i keep saying i'll buy organic food when i can afford it. if i can "afford" to buy beer every week why can't i afford to buy $20 worth of organic produce? interesting. if i budget $100 a week for groceries and then spend $50 on soda, junk food and booze in that same week (prices are hypothetical) why don't i just spend $150 on groceries? why am i buying a soda everyday on my way to work and not spending that $2 on something necessary for dd?
wow, enlightening. mind = blown. i've discovered a lot about myself in the last hour and i can't say i like any of it.