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    MARF226   30,946
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A New Goal


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

I have realized the last couple days that I am just as hard, if not harder, on myself now than I was 50 pounds ago. Lately Iíve been inclined to disparage myself and feel guilty, fat and inadequate. I have been trying to figure out why that is. And I think Iíve discovered the source.

Iím crazy. Ha. Iím kidding. Kinda.

I am an intense perfectionist and put a TON of pressure on myself. I am frequently motivated by fear, specifically fear of failure. I have had friends, bosses, and professional coaches tell me this over the years. Iíve agreed every time itís come up. Because I know this about myself. Iím also intensely goal driven and self-motivated. In short, I am my own worst enemy.

Iíve been stuck somewhere between 3.5 and 8 pounds from my goal for months. And recently, itís left me saying some not very nice things to myself.

Not losing a pound a week = failure. Not forsaking a personal life for weight loss = failure. Not resorting to extreme deprivation to achieve a goal = failure. Not wanting to work out after a long day at the office = failure.

After all, by now (over 18 months since I started), Iím supposed to be a hard core Olympic-level athlete who never eats her emotions or drinks too much wine on a Friday night. Iím supposed to be perfect. And I am so not perfect.

I blogged earlier that I had the fleeting thought of wanting to be normal. And I think that was my subconscious telling me, weíre tired. Weíre tired of obsessing and feeling bad and being negative all the time. Time for a rest.

SO, I am going to do as much as I can through the end of the Fall 5% Challenge and then Iím done focusing on losing weight. Wherever I end up at the end of that, I think thatís my new goal weight. Bonus - I will have already achieved it! After that, time to spend that energy on something else.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEYCAT22000 11/3/2013 6:48AM

    You are NOT a failure at anything! It is a journey. There is not a finish line. There is a great maintenance/transition to maintenance SP group that is a wonderful community. It is so helpful to see that others have the same feelings you do, and fight the same thoughts. Please extend grace to yourself instead of the way you expressed your disappointment in yourself. You are a winner and a success story. Celebrate yourself where you are today, and the rest takes care of itself.

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NHES220 11/1/2013 11:27AM

    I think that makes perfect sense. I picked a goal weight and I am about 30 lbs away and figure by Spring I may be there. But reading your blog, I realize I'll adjust based on how I feel when I get there. The target may be too high or too low and I'll just have to see how it goes and be happy with what I can live with and celebrate that normal.


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MATTEROFHEART 11/1/2013 9:32AM

    I agree with Laurel! Time to celebrate your success! Maybe you are already at your body's happy weight! Enjoy it!!!

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CLEARNIGHTSKY 10/31/2013 9:19PM

    Wow. I loved the way you expressed yourself in your blog post.

I think your plan is a great idea. Congratulations on all you've done!!

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MONAKIN314 10/31/2013 2:18PM

    For one crazy to another, WAY TO GO! GREAT JOB!

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FUNLOVEN 10/31/2013 11:09AM

    I know exactly what you are feeling. I think I made this same comment on your blog about wanting to feel normal.

I love SP, but if I dare, I must say that the constant focus on weight loss and exercise is a heavy burden. Even though SP tells us not to worry about being perfect I end up feeling that is exactly what they are pushing us to be. Many times I end up feeling like they expect me to be a "hard core Olympic-level athlete who never eats her emotions or drinks too much wine on a Friday night" just like you said.

It does become an obsession of sorts and if you need a rest from it all I can surely understand it. You are so close to goal and you have all of the tools you need. I know that even on your own (w/o SP) you will achieve your dream!

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WATERONE 10/31/2013 10:58AM

    That is an excellent plan. You are a huge success at this because you have not only lost the weight, you have maintained that loss.

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KIMPY225 10/30/2013 8:12PM

    Keep up the great work! We are all a little crazy sometimes!

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EVRLNGFOO 10/30/2013 7:18PM

    you've done awesome! that last 10 lbs is the hardest to lose. celebrate what you have achieved and work on maintaining. if that last 10 lbs wants to hang around for awhile, so be it. just don't let it overshadow what you have accomplished. that could end badly.

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ROCKPORT9 10/30/2013 6:44PM

    You have come a long way on your weight loss journey. Maybe, it is time to celebrate your success. Hugs, Laurel

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