Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Why are you always in a bad mood?
My husband asked me that question this morning. I could only look at him and think, ďReally?Ē
Letís seeÖmy office is being flooded with deadly fumes every day, to the point where Iím vomiting almost every hour. I have a constant headache and my skin burns. This summer, my office building turned into a construction site. We were moved for the summer months, and moved back in September. My office is located on the first floor, in the front of the building. All the construction equipment is staged outside my window. So I get all the gasoline, dust, exhast fumes right in my office. Two weeks ago, I almost passed out from the fumes, and hit my face on a file cabinet, causing my eye to swell up. A ďfriendĒ at work felt the need to tell her boss, who told my boss, who labeled me as even more of a complainer.
So why am I always in a bad mood? Because I hate my job and every day I try to figure out a way out. Iíve worked here for 19 years, and if I leave, I throw away my retirement benefits, and I have to try to find a job in this lousy economy. My husband is self employed, so we would have no health benefits until I find a new job. And we would have to (try to) sell our house and live in a box on the street.
I just feel so trapped, like I canít win no matter what. Iíve tried to sit quietly and just try to get through the day. Iíve tried speaking up. I always end up crying. On Monday when our building temperature was 51 degrees, I could have gone home, but I stayed and tried to work through it. Iím trying, I really am.
My life just sucks right now, and yes, Iím in a bad mood. I will find a way out, with or without his support. If I have to just keep driving to a town where no one knows me and start over, then so be it.