Monday, October 28, 2013
So, how am I doing with my goals??? Not well. Ashamed to blog about it as I am letting myself down. The binge monster and lack of motivation have taken over my life. You know, since my mom died in June my life has changed drastically. I have let everything go, myself most importantly. It's almost as if I don't care anymore. That's what I feel. I just don't care. I don't test my sugars four times a day anymore, I don't do my eye drops like I am suppose to. I just don't do it and don't care about the repercussions.
My goals are just words on the page. They don't mean anything to me. Sure, they sound good and all, but they just aren't doable for me, not now. Am I trying to impress others with my goals and desires??? Who knows. All I do know is they aren't working for me anymore. I talk to my personal coach and we come up with new strategies but I don't work on them or even give them a try to see if they would work.
About the only thing I am having success with right now is with my personal trainer. I meet with her on Tuesday's and Thursday's and have gone to all appointments for two weeks now. She pushes me on my strength training and I appreciate it. I do give it my all when I am there. I also look forward to it. It gets me out of the house and gives me something to do.
I am still seeing my therapist for my compulsive over-eating but that doesn't seem to be working. I am eating just as much now as ever before. I don't see any progress and know that it could take a long time to see the progress. I just wish I could control the bingeing and then I would feel better. The binges make my self-esteem drop to the toilet bowl and then I get depressed and then I give up.
I do come to SP every day and chat on my teams and try to stay active.
How do you get your motivation back? How do you get out of the hole you keep digging for yourself???