Monday, October 28, 2013
So today was kind of a flop. I woke-up with horrible cramps (yay to being a woman!) and really didn't feel like eating breakfast. However, I knew subconsciously if I didn't eat breakfast it would trigger me into thinking of an excuse to not eat lunch or dinner. So I roughed it out and made a healthy breakfast. I found a yummy recipe on my sparkrecipe app for a ham, egg and cheese english muffin and decided to try it. While I was making it though, my disordered thoughts took over and I altered the recipe. Instead of an egg with yolk, I used two egg whites. And instead of an english muffin, I used a piece of toast. The original way just had waaay too many calories in it for me. I'm hoping the longer I eat healthy, the less I'll care about my calorie intake. I also caught myself chugging water while I was eating my breakfast. This is something I have to get over as well. I know drinking a bunch of water sounds like a good thing, but for someone with bulimic tendencies, it really isn't. Many people with these tendencies, including myself, would chug water while and after we eat so that when we purge afterwards, everything comes out smoother. Gross, I know. But it's just another hurdle I have to climb over in my recovery. Well, good news is I finished the breakfast and kept it all down, even though I really didn't want to.
I didn't really have any binging cravings today since I have such bad cramps. So, I guess they're good for something. :) Lol.
I didn't weigh myself today or was even really tempted to. :D
However...I did cut back my dinner intake on purpose. I met the calorie limit in my nutrition tracker and kind of freaked out. So I switched my oatmeal made with milk for a lower calorie oatmeal I make with water. :/ A little step back, but I'm still trying, which is the important thing. :)
I wasn't able to go on my normal 3-5 mile walk today since it was SUPER windy today, like 65 mph wind gusts. I live in a desert and it's technically not safe to go walking with winds that high due to the hazard of dust tornadoes and flying trash (people love to leave empty bottles and cans in the desert). I really wanted to walk today though, so I made a quick run to my mailbox. :) It was only like 0.3 miles, but hey, it was something. I'll make up the difference tomorrow though, so I guess it's all good.
I'm a little scared due to how good everything is going. My recovery attempts always start off this way. Week 1 is pretty easy and week 2 is simple, but then I always either get impatient or scared of gaining weight and fall back into my old unhealthy ways. I hope this time won't be the same...
So, how is everyone else out there doing on their journeys? I hope they're going amazingly well! :D