Monday, October 28, 2013
I love Sunday mornings. Its so peaceful. Although I do not attend church, I am religious person. Joel Osteen talked about unconditional love this Sunday and it really got to me.
When I was growing up, love was not unconditional. I was only loved if I was "good", if I was quiet and didn't make any noise. I was only loved because they had to love me otherwise they were bad parents. My parents were selfish and self involved. Don't get me wrong, I love them both dearly and would do anything for them. But as I was growing up my parents were both drug addicts and alcoholics (all be it, functioning ones). They didn't want to see me or hear me.
When I got married for the first time at 16, his love was not unconditional. He told me he would leave me if I ever got fat.
My second husband loved me because I took care of him, emotionally and financially.
Did I love either of them unconditionally? No, I truly don't even think I really know what love is at this point.
I know I care deeply for my DH and I would say that I love him. But I am always ready to walk away. I want him to change certain aspects of who he is. He frustrates me. That is not unconditional love.
Unconditional love is acceptance. Not Change. Unconditional love is Faith. Not Questions. Unconditional love is Truth. Not Lies. Unconditional love is Freedom. Not Control
Joel Osteen talked about how the object of our unconditional love may not accept it or recognize it, but our love is a seed that will one day sprout.
I need to love myself unconditionally first.
Editing to add the following:
Joel Osteen told a story about a homeless man eating in a Diner. Behind him was a family with a toddler. The toddler saw the homeless man and started smiling and the mother did her best to drag his attention away from the unkempt man. Soon the homeless man had the child laughing and giggling. All the people in the restaurant were looking at this family and the homeless man. The family finished up their meal and the husband went to go get the car while the wife went up to pay the check. while in line, the homeless man was standing to pay his bill. The child reached out his arms and flung himself at the homeless man. The homeless man caught him and held him. The child laid his head on the mans shoulder and hugged him. The man looked at the woman and said "Take of care of him" and handed him back with tears in his eyes.
It didn't matter to the child that the man was homeless or unkempt. The child loved him unconditionally.
I love my parents unconditionally. No matter what they do, or have done in the past I will love them regardless.