Monday, October 28, 2013
Standing at the precipice of the great unkown is me, right here, right now. For the first time in my adult life, I have no idea of what the future holds. I am moving to a place I know very little about. I am completely open about what I will do for a job, I mean COMPLETELY open. I am not even sure, at the very moment, what town, or part of the city we will be settling in. I have my ideas of areas I like better than others, but for the most part all I really know is I will be there, and Tim will be there.........when he's not on the road. That's really all I know. I have friends that live about 1.5 hours north, which is comforting, and that's the only people I know in the whole of Oregon, (except my best friend's brother in Portland, but I've only talked to him once.) So, that's my future, you asked for adventure, you got adventure. The one steady safety net for me is that it's just under a 5 hour drive from here, where my Mom, Sis, Bro and Grandpa live. So, I can come back quickly, cheaply and easily for any and all reasons that my arise. That is a HUGE comfort. My brother moved outside of Tucson, AZ last year, and he's just a bit too far for my liking. I am very happy I can come back to visit my Mom when I need/want to, or when she needs/wants me to. Very good feeling. What's odd is there are places in Cali that I've lived that are a longer drive from here than where we are going, and we are leaving the state. Once you pass that border, a whole new world opens up. People drive the speed limit, there are lots of small towns/cities, it is GREEN everywhere. It's really different, and great. People are quite friendly and rent is freakishly cheap. It's all around different and I really like that. Of course, there are things I will like and won't like that I don't know anything about yet, because I'm not there yet. And that is part of what I'm standing on the cliff looking at right now. The possibilities are endless to me. I had come to a point within the last few years that I thought I would just live and die in this town, apartment and job and would not do or see anything new. It sounds morbid, but I was almost OK with that life. I had given up any hope that things could be better. I was comfortably numb, to borrow the term from one of my fave bands, and I didn't know, until recently, just how bad the situation was, in my job, this town and overall in my heart.
So, the prospects are endless. And yes, you take yourself with you, this I know. I don't expect a new town, house and job to magically make me a new person. I know that I am who I am, and unless I do some serious soul searching and rennovating, I can take all of my issues I have here with me into the next phase of life I'm moving into. But, I'm cognizant of the reality that I am responsible and in control of my own life, and that I have a lot of work to do on myself in order to insure a bright future, emotionally and otherwise. I am ready and able to do this work and intend to search high and low for any and ever opportunity to better myself. I've tried to please others, I've tried to live my life for others...............not happening anymore. I can love others, but only as much as I love myself. And I can only live MY life for me. That is a certain. So, I'd better start living my life today. Got a number of things I need to do, including tracking water/food and exercise. No more loafing around, or eating sub-par meals. It's nutrition and hydration in the proper amounts all day today, teamed with heart rate acceleration and muscle toning at some point. Should be good.
Hugs. Cheers. Hugs.