Sunday, October 27, 2013
OMG, I haven't blogged in 7 days! I plead being busy and fatigued. I have only gained 3 pounds during my time away from Spark, so I'm sitting at 251. Could definitely be worse!
I very much would like to slow down, but it's just not an option right now. Wheels are in motion to get us some help, but it takes time to train new people and we're all still learning ourselves. It's all very intense and exciting, to be part of something new and important like the burn unit, but it is also exhausting and stressful. It is difficult, but we're giving it everything we've got.
It's everything I ever hoped for, professionally and intellectually. I have never been in such a challenging environment! But my work-life balance is in tatters. No one can fix that but me, I know. In September, working extra shifts was something I was doing voluntarily, but now we are struggling with staffing and having a lot of super-sick patients. Still, I am trying very hard to not work more than 3 in a row without getting one night off, and have managed to swing a couple of 2 night breaks. Some people do 7 on/7 off, but I just can't do that. By the 4th night, I'm toast. Conversely, I don't know what I would do with myself past a third night off, I'd likely be terribly bored and lonely.
This is not a healthy lifestyle, though. There isn't any yoga or spin class or water aerobics; way too much coffee and not enough water; food is intermittent and usually coming out of a bag or box; any time for reading is spent on work-related reference material and not Spark education/reinforcement; social contact is limited to co-workers; rest is haphazard and in short supply. There are obviously things I can be doing better, and I need to start doing them better soon. I'm lucky enough to have had a good foundation from which to work, but my reserves are dwindling. I liked my Spark life before, with all the variety and healthy behaviors. I felt really good, and it was a really intelligent way to live. Work, recreation, health, and community all were addressed, and it was good for me. I want to do that again.
I wanted to be happy, so I started the Happiness Project, and became happy. Then I wanted to be productive, so I returned to nursing and became productive. Then I wanted to be joyful, so I started Sparking, and it was working, but I've lost my way a bit. There is a balance to be found somewhere, and I'm going to figure it out somehow.