I know it really shouldn't get me down but sometimes it's almost downright depressing. I was getting changed to go out and I discarded a few outfits because everything felt constricting. Clothes that 5 months ago fit absolutely fine. It sucks. I eventually ended up in a shirt I borrowed from my younger sister to cover up the muffin tops that were spilling over the shorts I had on. Blah.
I know I should give myself more credit. I'm trying to get back into shape. I know it will be a slow process if I want to do it the right way. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish there was a quick fix.
I'm meeting friends first week of November and I haven't seen them since before I left. They're close to me so I know they'll be nice but one of the girls has a bit of an eating disorder (we keep a close eye on her to keep her in check if she gets a bit extreme) and she's downright itty bitty. If you check the dictionary and look up "petite" her picture would be right beside it. I'd be surprised if she reached 100 lbs (she's just barely 5 ft tall, just to explain) Thing is, her mom would give her a hard time about her weight all the time even though she was already skinny. So she has it in her head that if she wants her mom to love her, she needs to be miniscule. It's a long complicated thing. We've talked to her and she's mostly coming out of that way of thinking.
Anyway. The reason I explain that is because she makes comments about herself that feel like a backhanded slap to anyone else listening. She'll say that she's fat. I answer, "So I'm a brontosaurus?" She'll say no, but she'll keep calling herself fat. It's a bit much to bear. And with the way my self esteem is at the moment, I know it'll be a challenge to deal with.
There's really nothing I can do about it I guess (short of surgery, lol). I'l have to keep plugging along with the workouts and keep reminding myself I'm doing something good for my body.
On that note, workout today... Tried a new dance video: Ballet Pilates. It was actually quite nice. My body still automatically remembered how to do things (albeit less gracefully now). The pilates part was a challenge. I've always been afraid of it because I see some of the workouts and it looks ow. This was a tamer version so it just might help me make the transition.
Did day 7 of Bootcamp, plus the Skinny Jeans Workout. I did the plank already because I know it'll be downright impossible if I waited for later. 200 seconds today. I have 190 squats, 125 crunches and 63 pushups to do yet.
Oh! I do have a personal accomplishment! I did the stretching for splits for the second time yesterday, I've only got 2 inches to go til I hit the floor. My fiance was pretty impressed. I showed him while we were on Skype. I think I might have been more shocked though.
So I guess there are some accomplishments to count. I only have 7 more days after today of squats. I can almost do the splits. Crow pose is coming along slowly and surely. I also added to my bike miles yesterday
Caption: 83.7 mi - 12.79 mi to Ashland, VA, Hanover County
So I have come a long way. With everything since getting home just under a month ago. I know I'm taking steps toward health. I know internal changes are happening because I'm eating right and staying active even though I don't see it physically. I know this will take a while. I know I've got to hang in there. I just need to keep hanging on to those thoughts.